Dear Readers and Friends,
Today is the 3 year anniversary of this blog.
Today is also the end of this blog.
After spending a few weeks thinking really really hard, I’ve determined that I need a break from lots of things. And some things I just need to let go of, like this blog.
I’ve had a rough year.
Let’s see…found out my favorite and dearest aunt who was only 50 years old had stage 4 lung cancer, my sister got a staph infection on her mitral valve from using a dirty needle to shoot up heroine and ended up having open heart surgery, my other sister had a baby addicted to methadone and child protective services was called resulting in my father having custody of baby, my favorite and dearest aunt died leaving a hole in my heart, and then my neighbor and very close friend killed herself and her two cats with a gun leaving my heart a gaping empty cavern.
And I’m done.
I can’t share how I’m feeling or my life anymore. With anyone. Not right now.
I don’t feel like I know myself. I don’t recognize the woman I see in the mirror. I’m tired all of the time…all of the time.
And I’ve been hiding.
What I’m starting to understand is that I haven’t dealt with what’s happened in a way that facilitates moving on. I have been just chugging ahead, not looking behind me and that’s not healthy. Ghosts are everywhere and they love sneaking up on you. My soul is a haunted graveyard at the moment.
So, I’m dealing with my grief. I miss my aunt so much that I cry just thinking about her. And I think about her everyday. I miss my neighbor. Her absence is deafening. Her empty hollow house screams at me each time I walk in and out of my door. I’m sad.
I want to thank each and every person who has read this blog. I sincerely appreciate all of you. I wish you all the best.
I feel like I’m breaking up with you all. It sort of is like that, I guess.
I didn’t think I’d cry and yet here I am, crying my eyes out. It’s hard to say goodbye to something I loved. I felt like I was talking to her, Fresh Air Lover, when I wrote on these pages. She was a good friend.
I’ll keep this blog up for a while if you want to read any of the old stuff. But, eventually she’s going away. The end is the end.
Best wishes and lots of love,