Meat and Poultry: Aphrodisiacs Part 4

There are many vegetarians in this world who, despite their pallor and anguished souls, survive and reproduce perfectly well. Peoples who diets contain very little meat are those who have the highest demographic explosion and those who have most diligently cultivated the art of the erotic, which is why I have serious doubts about the true aphrodisiac powers of the flesh of animals. But that’s my opinion.

Beef: The most delicate and easily digested cut is a fillet. Italians maintain that raw meat is erotic and often serve it in very fine, nearly transparent, slices called carpaccio. Raw meat has been eaten since ancient times, except that its erotic properties were not recognized then.

Goat: The ram symbolizes male sexual energy, but its flesh is tough and strong-smelling. This animal has the curious habit of rolling in its urine to attract the female. In view of all these things, we humans prefer eating the more tender kids in the full bloom of their charm and innocence.

Rabbit: A silly brother to the hare, a fluffy and timid animal who when alive evokes immediate sympathy but cooked can be mistaken for the family cat. It has a very strong odor, which is why it must be washed inside and out with vinegar water, then rinsed, dried, and perfumed with lemon before cooking.

Pig and sheep: Forget them, they’re not aphrodisiac in any way.

Testicles: (Are we women fascinated by orchids because they get their name from the Greek word for these ody parts, orkhis?) From time immemorial, the organs of certain animals have had a reputation for having erotic properties. Women don’t eat them. Men do, but it gives them the shivers when they relate what’s on the plat with their own anatomy. In Asia they prefer monkey testicles, in American the bull’s, in other parts of the world those of sheep and rams. In the United States, animal testes are called Rocky Mountain oysters. Chopped and cooked, they don’t look like what they are, but even so, don’t give it away until your guests are through gorging on them.

Liver and kidney: Beef or sheep kidneys are a common item on menus on French and Spanish restaurants and save English cuisine from total disaster served up in the form of their famous steak-and-kidney pie, one of the few indigenous recipes of Great Britain that can be eaten with pleasure and not out of sheer necissity. In older days, it was believed that the center of energy of life was the liver, not the heart as we now suppose, which is why power as a sexual stimulant was attributed to this organ. Not everyone likes liver. Liver extract in pill form is sold in health-food stores for anyone who desires the benefits without havin to go through the disgusting process of chewing the meat.

Turtle: Venus, the goddess of love, has been represented riding on a turtle’s back; its uplifted head symbolizes a phallus. Aphrodite Porne, patron of prostitutes in ancient Greece, was accompanied by a goose, whose long neck was an allegory–a rather optimistic one–for the male member. And Leda embraced her lascivious swan…In any case, it seems to me that mythology has stretched thins little far. In the East, the flesh of the turtle is greatly appreciated for its stimulating virtues, and in antiquity it was an obligatory dish in the court of China: it was believed that, like birds’ nest soups, it could inflame the decadent appetites of the emperor. Incidentally, these nests are obtained in caves, particularly those of Malaysia, where a certain kind of swallows lay their eggs. The birds build the nests from sea algae pasted together with a salivalike secretion. To collct them when they are fresh, the natives climb the slippery rocks in the darkness, steadying themselves with bamboo poles. They risk not only breaking their necks in a fall but also coming across poisonous insects and infuritated swallows. The enterprise is very lucrative because of the numbers of males in the world who are uncertain of their virility. The nests are cleaned, pressed, and packed before being sent to the markets of Asia, whre clients pay true fortunes for a few grams of this questionable aphrodisiac.

Snail: They owe their reputation for being erotic to the belief that they resemble the clitoris, emerging from and disappearing amongst feminine creases and folds. I find this metaphor offensive.

Next up, Liquors: Aphrodisiacs Part 5.