HAAAAAAAAAAA! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA! HAHAHA!
Who’s a silly nilly?
Me. I’m in a goofy mood. I felt like I hadn’t laughed in ages. And then the dam broke…I got the giggles.
First off, here are some pictures of my birthday prizes.
My mom and stepdad got me the Tori Amos box set I’ve been wanting.
Something I’ve been wanting to read.
This has many recipes for my foxy mixer. I’ll be a baking fool.
The now infamous “I lost one” earrings.
A book I’ve been wanting to read for a long time.
Earrings from my gay boyfriend, Tim.
I want to thank those of you who sent me gifts. You have no idea how much I appreciate these treasures. You all are too generous. To the people who sent me cards, thank you so much. They meant so much. I love you all.
Now onto other things…..
I’m kind of pissed off at my sister. Let me rephrase that, I’m livid with my sister. Her retarded doctor told her that she could go home on Friday for a week if she promised to do nothing but lay in bed. Instead of being smart and opting to stay in the hospital, she’s going home. To her asshole annoying demanding husband, her 7 year old stepson, her 80 pound dog…..I swear she always has the need to be a hero. I don’t believe that she will stay in bed. She has no sense. She won’t listen to my mother. My sister is behaving like an asshole.
I had the following conversation with the little girl, Ashley, I read to every Wednesday:
Ashley: “What’s wrong with your eyes?”
Me: “I don’t know. What’s wrong with them?”
Ashley: “They’re yellow.”
Me: “Oh, well that’s my eye color. It’s called hazel and sometimes my eyes are green and sometimes my eyes are gold.”
Ashley: “They look like evil eyes. The devil has those eyes.”
Me: “Well, I’m not the devil or evil.”
Ashley: “Are you sure? They are really yellow.”
Me: “Do you like me, Ashley?”
Ashley: “Yes, you’re nice.”
Me: “Would an evil person be nice?”
Ashley: “No, I don’t think so.”
Me: “Shall we read now?”
First time in my life someone has said my eyes looked evil. I know I have weird colored eyes. I know that I wear dark eye makeup that sets the color off. I know that depending on my mood they can look very light, almost clear….so I suppose a 7 year old my think they look evil.
What do you all think? Evil?
My eye looks red and irritated in that picture. I suppose an extreme closeup with a bad camera can do that to a gorgeous eye like mine.
In others news, I have to bite it and join a gym. I like exercising outdoors and since the weather has turned colder and it’s still getting dark early…..I’m finding it difficult to go outside. And I’ve tried to do some of the workouts on Fit TV, but I hate them. So, I have to get to the gym. Because I’m not getting younger and I need to save it before it goes to shit. I like to eat too much to diet.
Want to hear a story from the last time I was at the gym? Okay, I’ll tell you. I was running on the treadmill and there was a guy running next me. He had those short runner’s shorts on. Anyhow, I’m jogging along when I hear him fart. LOUD. And then he yells, “Oh no” and hurries off of the treadmill towards the men’s locker rooms leaving a trail of watery poo behind him. I swear on all that I love that this is the truth. I halted the treadmill and after getting over my disgust, the giggles started and well….didn’t stop. I had to sit down on the treadmill because my stomach hurt. The woman who worked the desk made the guy clean up his own shit, which made me laugh even harder. I, then, had to run to the bathroom because I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Luckily, I made it.
Maybe the gym will be fun. Lots of potential stories and hijinks.
What else can I talk about? Let’s stay with the poo theme, if there is one, and talk about how I chased Stella Marie around my apartment the other night with a pair of scissors and a baby wipe because she had a big turd hanging from her tail. She wouldn’t stay still and kept fighting me when I tried to cut it out. I ended up pinning her down and holding the end of the poo with the baby wipe and, with ninja speed, cut the poo out. It wasn’t easy and I got some poo on my hands, but I got the poo off of her tail. Yay me!
More? You want more? Oh, I’ll give you more. Ready. Here I go.
Sike.
I’ve got nothing.
Oh wait. Hang on.
I forgot to tell you all something. I saw the Pilot out on a date. Yeah. That wasn’t supposed to hurt. Aren’t emotions weird? I don’t want him, but I didn’t want to see him with someone else. Especially when I don’t have anybody. It made me sad and pissy.
I need to get laid, ya think?
Okay, I’m really finished now. See y’all later.
THURSDAY MORNING UPDATE: Guess what? I’ve having a rough morning. My panties keep falling down. I just now had to stick my hand down my pants and pull them up. I don’t recall have this kind of problem with these panties before, but this is annoying. Oh, do you want to know what my outfit is today? Okay. I’m wearing an ill-fitting heavy black sweater with two shirts under it, baggy pants, and a pair of jeweled slippers that I keep under my desk. Wanna see the slippers? Here they are.
Are they in style? No. Are they pretty? Nope. Do they match my outfit? Not a chance. Do I give a shit? No way. They’re comfortable.
Alright, that’s enough from me. Back to work I go. Fuck yeah!
Fresh Air Lover 
Looks like you got some good gifts.
Let me know how Marley and Me is, I’ve thought about reading it.
By the way, I keep meaning to ask you and keep forgetting. What did you end up getting Ashley for Christmas? Did you end up getting her a Barbie and books?
I swear, poop follows you!
I see nothing wrong with your eye.
Screw the Pilot. Not literally. You deserve better.
my hands have been really dry lately. i think it’s the cold. I have some lotion in my desk at work (manly smelling stuff) but i never use it ’cause it makes my hands all greasy and then my mouse get’s all greasy and it’s a mess.
So my hands have been all dry lately. i think it’s the cold.
I guess that gives new meaning to the term “shits and giggles.” LMAO I was near a guy one time that shit in his drawers during squats. He was doing 450 and he filled his pants about halfway through a ten set. His partner reacted, but the shitter kept going and finished his set. Then he said he only one more set, so he was going to finish it before he cleaned up.
By the time he finished his next set the entire room (it was one of those small side rooms you sometimes see gyms have) was smelling like Satan’s asshole and I had to go. So did his partner. Only then did the shitter take off for the locker room.
The dude was in really good shape, and he was obviously committed to working out, which is a good thing. But every time I saw him after that all i could think of was a toddler walking around with a filled diaper. ROTF
That Domestic Goddess looks awesome. I can’t wait to hear about what recipes is offers for you (and us by extension).
What’s the doggie book about? >:-P
PS. What’s wrong with being evil? Maybe an Evil Eye would keep Greasy away from you.
wow…now that was quite a post…and yes I do think you need to get laid.;) Be well dear.
1st- The earrings (both pairs) are beautiful!
2nd- I will keep praying for your sister, I hope she follows her doctors orders, but I don’t have a good feeling about it from what you have written before. I hope she does though. I am sorry that you can’t get it through her thick skull that that growing baby needs to come first right now. ((Hugs))
3rd- you have very pretty eyes and I don’t think you look like an evil devil. My youngest daughter has eyes that look grey and sometimes grey/violet, I’ve never seen anyone else with her eye color.
4th- BWAHAHAHAHAHA oh my I would just die if I shit myself…especially in a public place and then had to go do the walk of shame with paper towels and disinfectant. Poor guy…I would have changed clubs after that.
Good luck with finding one that is a good fit for you, I look forward to some funny stories!
5th- Poor you! Ugh. Poop! And to have to untangle it from fur too? Honey, I think you need to buy a pair of clippers and keep her little booty shaved.
6th- Your feelings over the Pilot on a date are perfectly normal IMO. I know me, myself, even if I am DONE with a man and HATE him I still don’t want to see him out with someone else. No way! He is supposed to be sitting alone in a dark room cursing himself for screwing up and losing me. He is NOT supposed to be out having a good time.
I wish I lived closer to you so I could just give you a big hug. Because there is nothing more that I would like to do than to give you a HUGE hug. You are witty and smart and beautiful and in the huge boobs cult with me, and just seem like someone I would take time to make friends with. You rawk
You see, nothing exciting like that ever happens at my gym. 😦
And that Tori Amos box set looks pretty sweet…
Your slippers are totally cool. And your panties keep falling down because they want you to know that YES YOU SHOULD GET LAID!!
Cool schwag for your B-day!
🙂
Hey I like the slippers! I just so happen to walk around my office in pink fuzzy ones. They look a little worse for wear too, but they are so comfy!!
Love Nigella, you can’t go wrong there!!!
Comfy is great, screw looking good….I was dressed up from my neck to my ankles but walked out of the house in my pink tennis shoes (I did bring my others to work but wore my tennis shoes all the way to my desk) 🙂
Glad you liked the gift! See you in a FEW weeks!! 🙂
You’re too much.
(and your eyes look like mine. except your lashes are longer and better.)
farty people on the treadmill… something I know way too much about. I always seem to find them when i’m on the gym. Except mine never get off. They keep on farting away at a 6.0 speed. (Fast far.)
OK, back to work for me.
I’m sorry The Pilot’s date hurt you and made you sad. That really really sucks.
That poop on the treadmill story is the best thing I’ve heard all day!
Well,
That would make reason 101 that I didn’t go to the gym today
Ok actually I’m the queen of comfort, if it isn’t comfortable it doesn’t get worn. I like the shoes! You go girl!
I think your eye/s are beautiful!
Hooray for poo stories. You’re a girl after my own heart.
I’ve having a rough morning. My panties keep falling down.
You said lots of good stuff in here but you knew that I was going to key in on this one, didn’t you?
Seriously, how does this happen? My underwear usually rides up instead of falling down. If they fell down I’d be glad because I’d have more breathing room.
You and Poop!! What’s up with that??
You got great gifts! I love both pairs of earrings.
And drawers be gone. Who needs them?
Happy belated bd!!! I went through the same bd (without friendly help), (without the panty thing, but thats just me) enjoy, you have your crap together, have fun, read a book and listen to Tori (if you have to, but that’s more of a judgement than fact). Enjoy!!!
I’m more concerned (not that you don’t have lovely eyes) with a kid using evil. Why not “Scary” or “ooky” or something a little more benign than evil? You have to wonder what her folks are like.
Maybe the panties-falling-down thing means you lost weight? (Which, I would have to see a full-length pic to know if that’s a good thing or not).
… Or, maybe it just means the elastic went bad, and it’s time to buy new panties…
I think your eye color rocks and I don’t know whether to feel bad for the “Poo” Guy or just continue to laugh my ass off.
testing one two
Great, I just wrote a whole novel and it didn’t post.
ARRRGGGHH!!!!
It was weird. Yesterday I was thinking of writing about my panties falling in my pants. Then here I am reading that yours fall too. Strange.
What’s frustrating is that they fall in my pants when my pants aren’t falling down!! So when no one is looking, I stick my hand down my pants in back and pull them up.
The worse part is when i’m outside wearing my coat and i’m walking, I feel them falling. And I can’t do anything about it, unless I stick my hand down my pants in front of people. Then I’d be giving people a show. I’m pretty private, you know.
Your shoes are just darling. Love them.
Oh and your eyes are yellow. Are you the devil??
😉
I think that your eyes are beautiful. I know a man who has eyes that look like the gold of autumn leaves. He’s told me that people sometimes find them freaky, but I think they’re unique and special.
I agree — your eyes are beautiful. I have to wonder what kind of home schoolin’ that kid is receiving to be thinking people look like the devil.
As for the guy at the gym…I don’t care if it was my first day, if I shit myself there and then left a drippy trail of liqui-poo on my way to the bathroom, there is NO WAY IN HELL I would ever return.
Great gifts!
Your eyes are pretty.
…and, for a gal of your young age, you have far too many poop stories. ;D
Hey Sweetie, Happy Belated birthday!!! I haven’t been around in forever.
So, I hope all’s well w/ ya.
I think your one eye is beautiful. I can’t speak for the other, cause you only posted the one. heehee.
Gyms are full of weirdos (not us though, everyone else). They don’t have a pre-screening process. And, I’ve had one of those ‘panty-days’ too. They got thrown out that night.
I laughed so hard reading the gym story that I had to tell my roommate what was going on. She responded, and I (literally) quote: “Oh my god! One time I was in an aerobics class of about 50 people and this Indian woman was standing right up front in spandex three-quarter work-out pants. She did a jumping jack, came back down, and her ass literally EXPLODED with crap. You could see the whole thing through the pants like it was a fogged up window. Everyone called her Indian Curry from then on. After we stopped puking.”