My tits are on my nerves lately. We have a love/hate relationship. Tonight, I attempted to run without two sports bras binding my boobs to the point of pain. What happened was my having to stop running because my boobs were hurting so bad that I could feel the pain in my armpits. I can’t fucking win, can I? As I walked home I thought about my breasts and what I love or hate about them and here’s what I came up with.
Hate:
- I hate that shirts don’t fit me right. EVER. I always have to buy bigger shirts and have them taken in because although they fit perfectly across my chest, the shoulders and waist of the shirt is floating on me. Fucking frustrating.
- I hate that I have to pay more money for my bras. I can’t get a decent bra for less than $40. I also have to search high and low for a pretty bra in my size. Yes, there are plenty of granny bras out there, but who wants to wear those. My tits are awesome and I want a beautiful bra to display them.
- I hate that I sometimes look vulgar in low-cut shirts because my cleavage starts at my fucking neck and it looks like I’m a cartoon.
- I hate that some shirts that I wear make me look heavy and boxy because my breasts stick out so far that shirts (like T-shirts) just fall straight down instead of hugging my waist and hips.
- Which means I have to wear tighter shirts, which puts all attention to my tits.
- I hate that some people stare at my tits when they talk to me. I like when people talk to me and look at my face. It’s respectful to look at someone’s face while speaking to them.
- Cleavage and under boob sweat. The worst.
Love:
- I love that my tits get me free drinks regularly.
- I love the way my breasts feel. They are real and are soft and heavy, but firm. For some reason, I find it very comforting to rest my hands on my chest while going to sleep. My breasts are cuddly.
- I love that I can orgasm from just having my nipple’s stimulated. Yeah, I’m a fucking sex goddess.
- I love that when I do wear something tight that my breasts make my stomach look flatter than it is. At least that’s what I think.
- I love the fact that my breasts are perfect for titty fucking. Yeah, I said it. Fuck off if you don’t like it. But, titty fucking is hot and there is something extremely erotic about watching my man’s cock sliding between my tits. Oh yes, I did just go there. Deal with it.
- I love my cleavage. Even when I compain about it, I love it. It’s perfect.
- That they’re mine.
I love my body but I felt the need to vent a little about these dirty dirty pillows I have. They are still hurting from the running. Back to two sports bras tomorrow.
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Now, I wanted to thank Katrice for mentioning me in the Thinking Blogger Awards. I’m not much on being tagged or meme’s or whatever. But, I thought this one was nice. I’m not going to give a huge description of each blog since I’ve stroked the shit out of all of you. I’m going to name 5 blogs that make me think. Groovy huh?
- CP at An Oxymoron Is Not An Idiot With Zits
- Mist1 at To Do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss
- Steph at Much Ado About Sumthin!
- Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts
- Dirk at Too Disgusting to Contemplate, Too Compelling to Ignore
Go check them out and love them.
Fresh Air Lover 
If your tits ever do get their own tv show, let me know; I’ll tune in and tivo it.
I’ll let you know if it happens. I think it would be a great show.
I love your writing. I love the fact that you love non-vanilla sex and talk about it freely.
As for your breasts, please visit the Bra & Girdle Factory in Brick, NJ and go for a professional fitting. It’s not fancy but the fitters there are the best. You will love your breasts again.
I have the same love hate relationship with mine. I hate to admit it, but I agree with every last one of your points! I feel like my cleavage starts where my chin touches my chest.
I went bra shopping a few weeks ago and walked out of Victoria’s Secret disgusted that, um, they don’t have my size. When the hell did I out grow Vickie’s?
Tit rot, it’s the worst.
I love all your “Loves”.
I finally got fitted a few months ago and I now feel normal. However, I agree with you. No cheap bra does the job. So as thrifty as I am, gotta fork over the dough.
You’re a sport, Thinking Blogger! Thanks for playing!
Nice.
I have the opposite problems, mine are small but it costs a lot of money to find a decent size bra and now that the plastic surgury trend is on the up again, bra sizes don’t start at my size any more!
But, I would not change them for the world!
tells us how you really feel about them… 😛
beautiful post as usual.
I scrolled to the second part of this post and took my shirt off so that my tits could read it and see what they are missing.
As for the blogs that make you think thing…really? Are you sure that you didn’t misread it? Perhaps you thought it said, “Blogs that Make You Drink.” If you read it correctly, thank you. That’s really, really nice. If you read it incorrectly, let’s do some shots.
Deb,
Thank you! I think the same of your blog.
As for the boobage dilemma, my story is a little different. I’ve always had smallish breasts. They’re a nice shape, but not very prominent. For years, I tried all sorts of bizarre mechanical means to accentuate them and overcome what I perceived to be a physical shortcoming.
Today, I’ve come to accept and like my boobs. When I hear women complain about the many troubles they endure because of their D-cup chests, I remind myself that my predicament isn’t really so terrible.
As Sheryl Crow said:
It’s not having what you want
It’s wanting what you’ve got
Hugs,
Bonnie
This is an outstanding post and one that is long overdue. Too often those who speak about tits are either Panglossian in their breastly overexuberance or they are completely grim and negative in their assessment of titties. You have added a much needed voice of reason and balance to the national discussion.
this is so weird. your new comment icon actually had me thinking about titty fucking you, and now you mention it. i guess it’s meant to be.
anon: I’ve had a bra fitting before and I would recommend it to every woman.
lex: I’ve given up on Vickie’s years ago. Their bras are built for women who want to enhance their breasts not women who want to support their breasts.
katrina: I’ve never heard that expression before and that is funny.
katrice: Oh, I’ve tried the cheap bras and they are never comfortable. It’s better to buy something of quality.
desirea: Thanks.
christina: Small boobs are beautiful too!!! My friend says it’s murder to buy bras for her small breasts and gets as frustrated as I do.
edtime: Thanks. I felt like I needed to get that off of my chest. Hee hee.
mist1: I think your posts are brilliant and I strive to be that creative. Love your writing. I hope your tits liked the post.
bonnie: I love that quote. It is really about loving what you got.
obesio: Nice use of the word Panglossian. Voltair would be proud.
lozo: You never know, it just might be. Oh, that comment icon cracks me up.
I just am annoyed with mine. I had them reduced and they grew back so obviously, they were meant to be but I liked ’em smaller.
I love the fact that you talk so candidly about your tits. I hate that there’s a t-shirt covering them in your icon.
pog: You should embrace them, cause it does sound like it was meant to be.
kav: I must pretend to have some modesty.
I wish my dick were as talented as your titties…it never works the crowd and gets me any free drinks.
Titty fucking. Hee hee.
And thanks for the shout out — you’re too kind.