It’s always the same. As soon as I heal inside and am ready to go out into the world of dating, several things happen that knock the reluctance back into me. This weekend, two very small and simple things happened. Two things that might seem like nothing to another person, but the sheer arrogance and audacity displayed in these events has annoyed me to the point where I’m just not interested in dealing with men right now.
Now, we all know about the special retard that misread my email and thought I was in love with him. He believed this so fiercely that he even emailed me lyrics to a fucking song like some kind of syphilis-deteriorated brained dumbass. This, I suppose, was the prelude.
Saturday morning I got up and was enjoying my morning coffee. I was deep into Food Network programming when the phone rings. It’s about 10 AM at this point. I look at my caller id and realize what number it is. I have seen this number about 100 times before and I got angry.
The backstory is this…I used to do the whole internet dating thing. Had an ad on the Salon personals and met lots of men. I gave my phone number out and talked to some of these guys before meeting up with them. I haven’t looked at the Salon personals in over a year. My story of irritation with all things with a penis revolves around two men in particular.
Scary Stalker #1 is married. After finding this out, I really had no interest in him. He seemed nice, but something told me there were things not right with him. He comes to Philly a lot, lives in Hoboken, and wanted to meet up. My gut told me not to. I mean, he was married. This was 3 fucking years ago.
This freak has been calling me ever since. We have never met. Let me repeat that. I first met him through the internet 3 years ago and we have never met. Yet, he seems to think it’s okay to call me repeatedly. He’s called me at work. He even got my new work number by looking up my company and calling the main switchboard. Fucking scary.
I’ve tried to blow him off. I’ve tried to be nice. I’ve ignored his calls and emails. I thought he would have given up by now. I mean, he never met me. He doesn’t know me. What is up with the constant calling? Seriously. It’s fucking scary. This man has called me over 10 times at my work number.
And he’s fucking married…..yeah, let’s not forget this.
Anyhow, after ignoring that call, I get settled down deeper in the couch and turn on a movie. I’m ready for a very lazy morning. Around 11:30 AM my phone rings again.
Backstory on Scary Stalker #2…um, met him online and gave him my number. Again…3 years ago. 3 FUCKING YEARS. 3 fucking years. After talking to him a few times, I just wasn’t feeling it. Mostly because he told me that he was seeing someone, but still wanted to talk to me. Story of my fucking life. The last time I spoke to him was over a year ago and I just went cold talking to him. I just didn’t feel anything. Cold. I never returned or answered any more of his calls.
And yet, there he was calling me. Why? That’s what I’m thinking. And he called again on Sunday too. Doesn’t ever leave a message. Just fucking calls. I HAVE NEVER MET HIM, WE WERE NEVER IN A RELATIONSHIP, I SPOKE TO HIM ON THE FUCKING PHONE A COUPLE OF TIMES. Fucking hell.
The fact that these two men could think of nothing better to do than call a woman they spoke with telephonically a few times years ago is kind of sad. But, it’s also the arrogance of these gestures that have left me thoroughly pissed. What did they expect me to do? Fall all over myself in ecstasy and adoration?
And here I am again….dreading dating and dealing with men who seem to think that we women are awestruck at your giving us a moments attention.
Fuck.
At least you have caller id.
Some guys do that when they think you have “forgotten” about them to come in as the hero that never was!
Weird that they called within an hour of each other.
Maybe I’ll hang in this “limbo” between marriage and singleness forever. Dating scares me. I only go out with guys who I’ve met through another person. I know that’s horribly limiting, but there are too many weirdos. (not that friends don’t introduce weirdos, I guess.)
Be safe.
Maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad about never dating. At least I’m avoiding the female versions of those guys.
Scary.
Or maybe they were awestruck of you and wanted your attetion. They’re either sad or arrogant. They can’t be both. I’m going with pathetic.
After 3 years, they still think about you…oh the horror! Evil men! lol I think you need to lighten up and take it as a compliment, instead of turning everything into “men suck”. Leave that to their wife and girlfriend who actually have reason to say it.
I have been mentally turning over my single status lately… I can’t bring myself to do the online dating deal, and to be perfectly honest I don’t really want to date a guy in this town because I don’t want to think I’ve fallen in love or something and get stuck here forever… But sleeping alone just sucks sometimes.
Anonymous is wrong, it’s not a problem with you, these guys are flat out creepy… If you’re calling someone you only talked to on the phone THREE YEARS after the fact, it’s creepy and weird, not in any way endearing or complimentary.
change your numbers? I have, like, three times in this past 12 month period. It’s not worth the interruption to your life…
The human race never ceases to amaze me and quite honestly, although I’d like to be with someone….often times it’s not worth the trouble.
thank god for caller id as many have said.
You need to write a book..sweet f’ing christ.
I completely agree with you that the behavior is unpleasant, unacceptable and pathetic. But I am not sure whether the two stories that you recount support your conclusion that men are arrogant or expect you to be awestruck. You may be right, but I don’t see how desperately calling up a hot chick in the hopes of some hook-up suggests that they think that you will really be into it.
Internet dating works for some, for some, like yourself, it doesn’t. I met plenty of wierdos, online, before meeting my husband. I blew him off, then right before giving up on the whole internet dating thing…I decided to give him a call. We met, from that day forward, we have not been apart. There is someone out there for you…don’t give up. They come along when you least expect it.
Wait, are you telling me that women don’t appreciate being called numerous times? Over and over again? At work? Or on weekend mornings? (Seriously, who does that?) Are you saying that when you don’t answer and don’t call back that means they don’t want to talk to me? I always just assumed you women were busy, or didn’t see the call, or had the phone off, or were washing your hair and somehow my number didn’t show up and you were anxiously awaiting ANOTHER phone call from me.
No?
These men are idiots. They need to stick to my rule. Call once. If she wants to talk, she will call back.
Unfortunately, calling your number won’t do much if they’re tracking you down at work…
It just sounds like a couple of losers who are calling old phone numbers out of desperation and/or boredom.
Maybe give their numbers to a tough-sounding male friend who can call them back and strongly suggest they stop calling…
Maybe the married guy’s wife will find out what he’s doing and beat some sense into him. 🙂
Makes me appreciate my husband all the more. So glad I’m not in the dating pool.
Sorry you have to deal with these asshats. Hope they get the hint soon.
Your label for this post says it all.
maybe salon highlighted your old ad? I don’t get it either.
I HOPE that when I was actively dating I could take a hint.
Oh Anonymous I think there is a difference between being complimentary (I mean we all know that Deb drives us men wild) and creepy. These guys seem creepy.
Debbie- Nothing says I don’t want to date you better than pepper spray…
I’m still impressed at the guy who did the lyrics thing. WTF?
MIss you.
I think anonymous is one of these guys. It is not a compliment to be stalked or harrassed.
I did the internet thing for quite a while with mixed results. What else is there? I don’t have time to troll the bars. I found my current love on craiglist and he is really normal and wonderful, but I never gave out my home or work information or numbers until I was certain he wasn’t strange, cell number only.
Here’s a question, Debbie. Have thought that if you told them directly that you weren’t interested, and that you don’t want them to call you; would they still?
I asked this because of a similar situation where I was talking to this chick and things were good, when all of a sudden she disappered; no emails, no phone calls. I called her numerous times to find out how she was, and to see if things were well with her.
Now if she had just straight out told me.. No thanks, no longer interested, I would have just say okay, and left her alone. No harm, no foul.
I don’t know.. I just think that people ( women in particular ) think that its a given that it’s okay to ignore people because it’s easier than just being blunt.
christina: Oh, I could never live without caller id.
lex: I know. It was weird. Yeah, I gave up on the internet thing after the Pilot. I have no clue why men from my past constantly need to pop up.
coyotemike: There are female versions of these guys?
anon: Thanks for your input, but it would be different if I had had relationship with these men or had even dated them once. I never met them. If one passed me on the street, I would never know. It’s really annoying.
lizzle: I know it’s weird and creepy. I will never do the online dating thing again. I did it for years and although I got some really great stories, I also got a lot of trouble too.
peach: I did change my cell number last year because of weirdos, but changing my home number would be a pain in the butt. But if this keeps up, I don’t see any other option.
jr estelle: I hear you.
march: Funny you say that. I’ve been writing a book for about a year now.
obesio: I believe that these men are arrogant. If they weren’t, they would have left me alone. I’ve told both I’m not interested. Especially Stalker #1. Several times. And you know, again, it would be different had I actually dated these men.
dixiechick: I met many very nice men doing the internet dating thing.
yes: That’s my rule too. After that call, it’s just desperate.
craig: I thought about doing that. Scare the shit out of them.
b: I don’t know. It seems like he was doing this for years. I think I spoke to him several times before he told me he was married. And he was really putting on the moves…talked about how he wants to find love and everything.
katrina: Go give your husband a big smooch.
katrice: Yes. That’s how I feel right now.
edtime: I drive men wild? Nice. And yes, they are very creepy. I’m pretty sure you took a hint when you were dating. You don’t seem like the type that’s nuts.
the enforcer: Hee hee. It’s true.
hdw: Yeah, it will take me a long time to get over that one. Miss you too.
charmcitygirl: I’m in awe that you found a normal man on craigslist. Bravo. And you’re right. It’s no compliment to be harrassed.
drunken indian civilian: Yes, I have. I’m quite straight forward about these types of things and I’ve told them both on several occasions that I’m not interested. I think there is something wrong with these two men.
Well, I hate to be all logical and blunt here – but damn, don’t date if you aren’t ready.
You are extremely negative about it (for good reasons) – so why bother? Don’t force yourself into the situation.
If you go into the dating thing with the notion that its going to suck, and men suck, and that you’d rather be alone… well.. isn’t that setting yourself (and these men) up for uneccesary failure?
Just wait until you feel good about it.
The two stalker guys? Ignore the calls or change your number.
mg: Thanks for your comment. I wasn’t asking for advice or anything. Just venting. I’m kind of irritated at your comment. I don’t think all men suck. I’m just trying to say that I was good to go and those phone calls set me back a little bit. Mmmkay.
Yes, there are female versions. Go read my latest post.
Oh c’mon, don’t say that. The internet is my only, last hope! lol.
Seriously, though, not every guy you’ll meet on the web is a stalker. At least that’s what I keep saying in a hopefully successful attempt to convince women not to give up until I’ve found one that really believes in long term relationships. THEN they can believe whatever they want. lol
Hey, I’m sorry you are irritated at my comment – but your posts give off a very bitter sort of “tone”.
Quite a few comments here give some sort of “advice” so I didn’t feel I was out of line in giving my opinion along with others.
Deb, you know enough about me that I’d wish you nothing but good things – I’m sorry if my being blunt was offensive to you.
I’m not here to blow sunshine for no reason, that’s just not me. If you’d rather I not visit – say the word and I’ll head out. I’m not as stupid as the men you’ve been dealing with 😉
It was about sunshine up my ass. I just felt like your comment had nothing to do with the actual post. Yes, I was angry about those guys calling me. It’s freakin weird.
Your comment came across as condescending and dismissive. I am ready to date and I’m not an angry person. But, there are moments when I have doubts about the whole dating experience and putting myself out there. Especially when three fucked separate incident’s happen in a short period of time that remind you how strange people can be.
I don’t want you to stop reading my blog, but you have to keep in mind that this blog is my venting place. So, of course some posts will be biting. But, I don’t need to be talked to like an annoying child.
I still love you, by the way.