Come here at once

Ah, I just got out of a very hot bath and I’m totally relaxed.

I have random retardedness to talk about, so here it goes:

1. The construction guy that I’ve had a crush on for months was checking me out.  At least, that’s what I was told today.  He was waiting for the train and my stomach clenched when I saw him.  I got all kinds of nervous and ran to the next car.  He gets off at the same stop as I do, so I summoned my balls and walked slow so that maybe I could smile at him.  Yeah, I know.  Smile.  Very very forward.  Anyhow, I was walking in front of him and was told that he was totally checking me out with a smile on his face.  Maybe I’ll get the courage to talk to him sometime.  But, I’m so out of practice that I have no idea what to say.  How about “Hey, I’d love to be your blowjob queen” or “I need a good spanking” or “I give good anal”.  I know, those are really archaic and prudish.  Maybe I’ll start with a simple smile and a hello.  I’ll wait until we’re dating for a while before I go all old-fashioned on him like that.
2.  I’m having a love affair with mushrooms that is epic and awe inspiring.  I could make a different mushroom dish each day and be happy.  Nay…I could eat the same mushroom dish every day and still be happy because it has mushrooms in it.
3. The forest of Endor is currently residing on my legs and I’m not removing it until the weather gets warmer or I go on a fucking date.
4. I love the new show New Amsterdam.  That’s all.
5. I’ve lost 32 lbs since the beginning of January.  I’m working out 5 days a week and plan on running my first mini-marathon in a few months.  Bellydancing is still a lot of fun and I’m practicing yoga.
6. The last Harry Potter movie will be split in two and I’m happier than a grown woman should be.
7. I need some ideas for books to read.  Bring the recommendations on.
8. Is it bad that I was so engrossed in a romance novel I picked up at the laundry mat the other night that I couldn’t put it down to go to bed?  Yeah, I thought so.  Pathetic.
9. There is a huge billboard on the side of one of the roads near my house that features a woman on the toilet making a horrible face and the words “IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME?”  If there wasn’t so much traffic I would have stopped and took a picture.  The best billboard ever.
10. All of this religious text reading gives me a headache.  I have so much to say that I’m having trouble making sense of my frantic notes and putting everything in some kind of comprehensible paragraph.  All I have to say is that all roads from the garden are leading to more than just the Abrahamic religions.  I’m talking about deep reading into all kinds of texts that were written before the Old Testament.  I know that this isn’t a surprise to those of you who know something about history and human kind, but this study could seriously be a life’s journey.  I’m so fucking fascinated, challenged, humbled, and horrified by what I’m reading in all of these texts…especially the famous ones like The Old Testament and Qu’ran.  The politics and propaganda contained in these stories are amazing.  If there is indeed one almighty god out there, he is embarrassed and ashamed of us for writing these stories in his name.  The stories are so ridiculously human that I find it absolutely appalling that after several millennia of existence, people are still allowing themselves to be governed by a bunch of stories and duped by a bunch of people manipulating those stories to fit their own agendas.  Unbelievable.  What does Sophia say about this, I wonder?  You know, the gods didn’t give us humans such big brains if they didn’t want us to use them and question things.  And by things, I mean all things including religion and existence…not just how to turn lightening into managed electric.
11.  Wish me luck with the construction worker.  I haven’t been this squirrelly around a man in years.  No lie.  I’m fucking skittish, shy, and backward around him.  I want to bite his chin.  Yeah, I’m weird.

Okay, I’m back to watching American Idol and listening to Paula Abdul provide a perfect example of what the opposite of eloquent speech is.  It’s painful, isn’t it?

Kisses..