Some updates because I’m not finished some other posts I’m writing because I’m writing a book, but I haven’t had time to write my book too much because people are driving me crazy

Longest post title ever.  Like Fiona Apple long.

Last night/this morning, I had a migraine that was so grand that I wanted to rip my brain out of my head.  I had to call out of work today because I hardly slept all night and my head was still a mess this morning.  Ugh.  I still have twinges, but I’m feeling a little better.  Ugh.

This week has been quite busy for me.  I’ve hardly been home and when I have been here, I’m trying to write and can’t because people keep calling me.  I know I know…I don’t have to answer the phone, but they’ll just keep calling my house line and cell until I pick up.  My family and friends are persistant stinkers.

Now for the updates:

1. I got a new cell phone and new cell number.  I know that people love keeping their numbers, but when I get a new phone I feel that it’s an opportunity to start fresh.  Those fuckers that keep calling me, even though I don’t want them to can find someone else to bug.  Oh, and I got the EnV.  I love it.  It took me forever to figure out which phone I wanted, but I settled on this one because of the keyboard and the built in music player.  I don’t need to carry both my Ipod and my cell phone anymore.
2. i have a bone to pick with Apple.  Yes, that Apple.  I’m in the process of converting all of the songs I have bought from ITunes to MP3 because these asswipes can’t put their files in a formt that can be used on anything other than an Ipod.  Fuck you.  I bought the song, let me do what I want with it.  I have spent the past few hours burning all of the music I have bought off of ITunes onto a CD and then reloading the songs into Itunes so that I can convert the music.  I’m then deleting all of the files that are retarded from Apple.  They should reimburse me for my fucking time.  I’m never downloading another song from ITunes.  I will make Amazon my place for music.  They have more of a selection anyhow.
3. To provide you all further evidence that I am a dork, I will tell you what my ringtone is for my new foxy phone.  It’s Hedwig’s Theme from Harry Potter.  Yeah, you wish you were as cool as me.
4. I’m reading the book The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula le Guin.  It’s brilliant.  I want everyone who loves to read to go to the bookstore, pick up the book, and read the first couple paragraphs of the book.  If that brilliant peace of writing doesn’t ensnare you, you have no soul and you’re dismissed from my blog.
5. The show Fringe is fucking awesome.  It has, so far, replaced the whole in my heart left by The X-Files has left.  I love this shit.  Crazy, out of this world, impossible, and tests the limits of our beliefs and imagination.  This is what television and entertainment is about.

That’s all.  Have a great weekend!

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I’m here and I’ve been writing like a crazy person…

…just not on this blog.  I’ve been writing my book.  Seriously…I’ve been writing a couple hours a night and I’m almost finished the first chapter.  Between writing and research for the book, and work and real life, I haven’t had time to update this little thingy.

But don’t worry.

I have several things I have to talk about which I will get to this week.  I promise.  Here they are, just to tease you and make you check in:

1. I had an interesting conversation with an acquaintance that infuriated me.  It’s about love, sex, and marriage.
2. My heart is a whore and I’m trying very hard to learn how to be different.  I will explain.
3. The sale of the deceased old lady next door’s things.  The yardsale is this coming weekend.  I’m emotional about it.

I will also try to catch up on all of your blogs.  I haven’t been reading anything.  I’m such a bad blogger.

Talk to you all soon.

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It’s been raining all day and I love it.

I feel like it hasn’t rained a healthy steady rain in months here. It’s been raining all day and I love it. Soaking, steady, cleansing rain. It’s supposed to be cool and rainy all week. For someone who hates the summer, like me, this is awesome news.

I know I’m behind the times, but I read the whole Twilight Series and I loved it. A friend at work lent me Twilight about a month ago and I put off reading it for whatever reason. I never heard of the book before and it sounded a bit hokey. A girl falling in love with a vampire. Yeah, like I haven’t heard or read that one before. Well, I got sucked in and loved the book. And then I found out that the fourth book just came out, with much fanfare which I again missed, and I immediately went out and bought all four books in hardcover. I loved each book. And I just found out that they made a movie of the first book, Twilight, and I’m really excited to see it when it comes out. The trailer looks really interesting. I hope they stayed true to the story, because it’s quite a beautiful, and strange, love story.

Oh, and I forgot to share a fun little story with you all. On Friday, I was walking back to work from the Reading Terminal Market at lunchtime and my skirt blew up over my head. Yup. I was walking over a subway grate and a train must have gone past, and the next thing I knew my skirt was blocking my vision. Luckily, I was wearing panties.

And now, for those of you interested, I have recorded a Podcast where I talk about the songs on my playlist and what they mean to me.  You can listen to it here if you want.

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Deborah…bee

My real first name is Deborah. Not pronounced like Debra, but like Deb-or-ah. It’s the old fashioned pronunciation. I love my name. It means bee.

Deborah was also a prophetess and herione in the Book of Judges in the Old Testament. She led the Israelites in defeating the Canaanites. I like having an ancient and strong name.

Deb-or-ah.

Most people call me Debra and I gave up correcting them. I don’t know why, except it’s easier to let it go than to have to explain why my name is pronounced that way and then having those same people look at me like I’m an asshole because they think I’m trying to make my ordinary name fancy. I’m not.

My name is Deborah. Deb-or-ah. Deborah.

I like bees. I respect bees. They have a purpose. More of a purpose than us humans, if I can be completely honest. We humans are like a disgusting virus on this Earth, multiplying and destroying everything in our path. But bees…bees are so fucking important. If the bees are gone, humans will follow quickly. This is what I believe.

What got me all crazy with bee talk is a book I read. I didn’t go to work today because I’m feeling under the weather, so I read a whole book. It’s called The Secret Lives of Bees. Reading this book made me want to crawl to South Carolina and live on a farm with beehives owned by beautiful black Southern women who have more love in their hearts and souls than anyone I’ve ever known.

It made me crave the spirit of women. I wanted to form my own hive and revolve around the queen…working with my sisters to keep the hive in order.

I also found out that it’s coming out as a movie this year. I can’t wait to see it.

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Come here at once

Ah, I just got out of a very hot bath and I’m totally relaxed.

I have random retardedness to talk about, so here it goes:

1. The construction guy that I’ve had a crush on for months was checking me out.  At least, that’s what I was told today.  He was waiting for the train and my stomach clenched when I saw him.  I got all kinds of nervous and ran to the next car.  He gets off at the same stop as I do, so I summoned my balls and walked slow so that maybe I could smile at him.  Yeah, I know.  Smile.  Very very forward.  Anyhow, I was walking in front of him and was told that he was totally checking me out with a smile on his face.  Maybe I’ll get the courage to talk to him sometime.  But, I’m so out of practice that I have no idea what to say.  How about “Hey, I’d love to be your blowjob queen” or “I need a good spanking” or “I give good anal”.  I know, those are really archaic and prudish.  Maybe I’ll start with a simple smile and a hello.  I’ll wait until we’re dating for a while before I go all old-fashioned on him like that.
2.  I’m having a love affair with mushrooms that is epic and awe inspiring.  I could make a different mushroom dish each day and be happy.  Nay…I could eat the same mushroom dish every day and still be happy because it has mushrooms in it.
3. The forest of Endor is currently residing on my legs and I’m not removing it until the weather gets warmer or I go on a fucking date.
4. I love the new show New Amsterdam.  That’s all.
5. I’ve lost 32 lbs since the beginning of January.  I’m working out 5 days a week and plan on running my first mini-marathon in a few months.  Bellydancing is still a lot of fun and I’m practicing yoga.
6. The last Harry Potter movie will be split in two and I’m happier than a grown woman should be.
7. I need some ideas for books to read.  Bring the recommendations on.
8. Is it bad that I was so engrossed in a romance novel I picked up at the laundry mat the other night that I couldn’t put it down to go to bed?  Yeah, I thought so.  Pathetic.
9. There is a huge billboard on the side of one of the roads near my house that features a woman on the toilet making a horrible face and the words “IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME?”  If there wasn’t so much traffic I would have stopped and took a picture.  The best billboard ever.
10. All of this religious text reading gives me a headache.  I have so much to say that I’m having trouble making sense of my frantic notes and putting everything in some kind of comprehensible paragraph.  All I have to say is that all roads from the garden are leading to more than just the Abrahamic religions.  I’m talking about deep reading into all kinds of texts that were written before the Old Testament.  I know that this isn’t a surprise to those of you who know something about history and human kind, but this study could seriously be a life’s journey.  I’m so fucking fascinated, challenged, humbled, and horrified by what I’m reading in all of these texts…especially the famous ones like The Old Testament and Qu’ran.  The politics and propaganda contained in these stories are amazing.  If there is indeed one almighty god out there, he is embarrassed and ashamed of us for writing these stories in his name.  The stories are so ridiculously human that I find it absolutely appalling that after several millennia of existence, people are still allowing themselves to be governed by a bunch of stories and duped by a bunch of people manipulating those stories to fit their own agendas.  Unbelievable.  What does Sophia say about this, I wonder?  You know, the gods didn’t give us humans such big brains if they didn’t want us to use them and question things.  And by things, I mean all things including religion and existence…not just how to turn lightening into managed electric.
11.  Wish me luck with the construction worker.  I haven’t been this squirrelly around a man in years.  No lie.  I’m fucking skittish, shy, and backward around him.  I want to bite his chin.  Yeah, I’m weird.

Okay, I’m back to watching American Idol and listening to Paula Abdul provide a perfect example of what the opposite of eloquent speech is.  It’s painful, isn’t it?

Kisses..

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The Kite Runner

It’s a rare moment when a book completely destroys me in every way possible. As I read this story there were parts that I had trouble breathing through. Throughout most of the book, I hated the protagonist and narrator, Amir. I had trouble forgiving him for his choices, actions, and more importantly, his inaction. Especially for that one tragic day when he won the kite tournament. And Hassan. I loved Hassan from the first. I just couldn’t get over him. And then, well…I’m not going to give it away in case there are some who haven’t read the book…but Hassan has haunted me. Even now, three days after I have finished the book and am trying everything I can think of to put the things I read about out of my head, the things I knew happened in the world but conveniently put in the back of my mind because I live in my nice warm place with all of the comforts money can buy and because I have never had to experience war or oppression or poverty or violence or prejudice.

I don’t do well with violence. I know that there are people out there who are sadistic and sociopaths and sick. I’d rather forget these people exist. I suppose that once you are a victim of violence, even if it’s for a few hours one night a long time ago, you have a difficult time hearing about that violence being forced upon others. I suppose it’s because you know that it’s not the act that one needs to get over, but it’s the emotions…hurt and confusion and blame and guilt and helplessness and embarrassment and shame and fear…that comes after.

I did learn one thing about myself after reading this book. I know, deep in my deepest parts, that I would have no problem killing people like Assef and his cronies. Absolutely no problem, no conscience, no fear, no nothing. I would spit on his dead body after I was done. I spit on him now.

All these emotions from a fiction book that is so well-written and stark and beautiful that I’m ashamed it took me so long to sit down and read it. Thank you, Peach, for sending it to me. As much as I cried and was horrified, I find that the book contained everything I look for in literature…I was moved.

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