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Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

I’ve been thinking about getting back in the dating saddle. I’m sick of being alone and I’m bored with myself. And I need to have sex in the worst way. Like, really need to have some regular sex. Oh, and someone to cook for.

Anyhow, before I could move forward I needed to totally get over my past…ahem, the Pilot. I haven’t heard from him in ages and haven’t seen him in longer than that. I’ve been over him in that I knew that I didn’t want to see him anymore, but I was still reading our emails every now and then. Emails from the very beginning, from 2005. The only reason I can think of for doing this was that I missed what we had in the beginning. The newness. The excitement. The passion. I would relive those moments when I read our emails from that time.

I deleted them last night. All of them. And not just in the “I put them in the trash folder” delete, but I even permanently deleted the trash folder. They’re gone. No more living in the past.

So, here I am ready to date. Mr. Wood has proven himself either weird, gay, or completely uninterested in me. You can’t stare at someone for a year and not talk to them. I know I’m at fault here too, but to my defense I’ve smiled, nodded, and have even put myself in the seat on the train right next to him on the side of the car where there is no one but us…still nothing. I can’t deal with this kind of retardation. If a woman is staring at you and smiling, fucking talk to her. He’s now looking away when I smile, so whatever.

Let me focus…what was I talking about? Oh yeah, getting back in the saddle.

So with no other prospects that I can see, I decided to take a friend at work’s advice and post a profile on an online dating site. She suggested eHarmony, but I read some stuff about that site that I didn’t like so I chose eChemistry.

I sat down this morning and answered over 200 questions to get my personality profile. I actually answered everything very honest. This questionnaire took over an hour to do. I finished and got my personality profile and it says the following…

You are a really easygoing, wonderful person. You are fun and funny and you make people instantly comfortable with your accepting, laid back nature. You love to be entertained, and you hate to be bored, so you’re quick to come up with ideas for what to do to have fun. But you’re not limited by outside entertainment. You make any event into a party and are just as happy being low key and hanging out with your friends talking or watching movies all night.

You are a genuinely nice person. You don’t feel the need to judge the people you meet, and in fact are quite repelled by people who are constantly judging others. This overwhelmingly accepting nature is a real relief for your friends who are accustomed to being told what to do, but get to relax in your presence.

Because of your shifting focus and upbeat nature, people take you somewhat less seriously than you expect. The irony is that you really are serious about learning. You are a sponge for information and have interests so varied that it’s really impossible to list all the possibilities here. The important part is that you love to learn and are more likely to watch the Learning Channel or the History Channel than to tune in to the evening news. You stay a student for your whole life, learning on your own if not actually taking classes way up to and through retirement.

You are very generous, particularly with your possessions.

You begin a lot of projects, but finish few because the details get boring and something more fun is sure to appear.

You like to see everyone living harmoniously and can get irritated by whoever is currently rocking the boat and causing problems.

When faced with a problem you are most likely to solve it in the most obvious way, not implementing cumbersome standard methods.

As a leader or parent you are non-directive, preferring to see what happens on its own rather than lay down strict procedures and give orders. To you it is understood that any procedures developed by necessity today disappear tomorrow unless they are still absolutely required.

You know what tastes good, what feels good against your skin, and what smells satisfy you. You are quick to notice the signs of hunger, fatigue, sleepiness or discomfort in your body, and you can get quite irritable and distracted if those issues are not resolved in a timely fashion. You are a socially balanced person. When your physical needs are taken care of you like to be where the people are, particularly where your social group is. You don’t mind filling some role in the group and doing your part of the work. You are hurt if you’re excluded from anything or not invited to a party or celebration of someone you know.

You portray a very even tempered image and that matches a calm interior. While you may prefer to have a mate, you don’t need a partner like others seem to. In all sexual matters you have a lot more self control than most people.

You have a deep, philosophical side which few people really get to know. You are constantly growing and evolving, always working to become the most authentic version of yourself. You live by pure, simple values and they’re evident in every action you take. Because of your pure, honest goodness, anyone would be lucky to have you as a partner.

You have a very practical, realistic view of love which makes you much more likely to have a successful relationship than other people. You realize that romantic relationships are based on a mutual commitment and you don’t expect to be madly in love with your mate every day. That said, you have such a massive heart that you’re always sure that you love the other person even when they make you crazy. You are skilled at keeping things light and fun, but that makes you disinclined toward mundane and routine tasks. In studies of high chemistry old married couples, the highest chemistry matches were those where your type was paired with someone who, among other things, balances you in that way. Your match is a detail person who takes care of the paperwork while you follow your heart and keep things light and fun.

Sounds good, huh? Then I scroll down and this is what I read…

Based on your personality traits alone, we estimate that approximately 1 in 76 people will have the personality traits required to qualify for a high likelihood of very strong long term romantic chemistry with you

Are you fucking kidding me? 1 in 76 people? Come on.

Then I get thinking and realize that it’s a good thing I went to this site so that they can find people who match up with me. I wasn’t about to go out with 76 guys to find one who is my match.

So, I found myself excited as I clicked to the page that contained my matches. Actually, I was giddy. I clicked the ‘next’ button and read this…

You have no matches.

Are you fucking kidding me? A couple hours of my life that I’ll never get back so that a computer website can tell me what I’ve been thinking all along…great.

I’m so pissed off right now.

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I’m officially back on the market. I need to have regular sex. I’m getting cranky. I need to have regular cuddling. I’m getting lonely. I need to figure out where to meet someone. I’m getting annoyed with the men out there.

But, here I am ready to date. I just need someone who appreciates me. I’m trying to have a good outlook. Wish me luck.

Eh.

I went and had an ultrasound on Friday. I had a venous doppler. Preliminary results show no blood clots, so that’s good. I’m sure the doctor will call me this week to discuss and then I can set up an appointment with a vascular surgeon. I’m lucky, cause I don’t need referrals so I can do it when I want.

I’m taking the dogs from the homeless woman tomorrow. I don’t know where I’m taking them yet, but I’m taking them so that she can get help. There’s an organization called Project Home that is willing to take her in but she has to lose the dogs. Ugh. I have calls in with several different animal shelters and orphanages but with no luck. I’m trying to find someone who will be willing to foster the dogs until Karen gets back on her feet or until we determine that they can put the dogs up for adoption. There are several legals issues surrounding Karen at the moment and although we are still trying desperately to help her, it’s a bit of a complication.

After this, and I hate to say it, I don’t think I can help people like this anymore. I get too mentally involved. It’s one of the reasons why I stopped volunteering at the rape crisis center. I just can’t deal. I bring it home. I feel guilty. I can’t sleep. Believe it or not, I’m too sensitive.

I’m watching a marathon of Ice Road Truckers and all I can say is that they get paid more. Holy shit. This job is no joke.

I have a complaint about HBO. Why are you playing movies like Doc Hollywood and Doctor Doolittle? These are movies that should be playing on TBS or our local Fox channel. I’m paying for this premium channel and they are constantly playing shitty movies like this. HBO, you’re pissing me off. I also want to know why horrible, and I mean fucking horrible, movies like Beer Fest are your big “Saturday night” movie. There aren’t any better movies available. You’re fucking HBO. I am not getting my money’s worth and I think we may have to break up.

I know this post sucked, but whatever. Here’s a picture of my cats. They are such cuties.

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The date went very very very well. We went to my favorite Indian restaurant in Philly. We then went to one of my favorite bars. We then drove around South Jersey talking. We drove for 4 hours.

I know I didn’t want the date to end, and I’m assuming he didn’t either since he was the one that kept suggestion more places to drive to. He made me laugh. He has the same sense of humor as me. He likes the same music. He’s as smart as I am, so I can have a really intellectual conversation with him. And I can also have a silly conversation with him too. He fully supports my idea of my becoming a ninja and even came up with some cool ideas of his own. You see, he totally gets my sense of humor.

He kissed me when he dropped me off at 3 AM this morning. It was a terrific kiss. And then I went to up to my apartment and he went home. I woke up and found that he had emailed me saying how much fun he had. And then he called me around noon.

It’s nice to have a good date with a man I’m really attracted to. Yay!!!!

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Last Thursday night I went to my friend’s house for a bit of wine and relaxation. I wasn’t going into work the next day, so I was able to have a proper night out. My friend’s husband was having a few of his buddies over to watch some basketball. I was laying on the couch and my friend was laying on the floor of their formal living room. We each had about 3 glasses of wine and were feeling quite good.

The game was over and Ron, my friend’s husband, comes up from the family room with 2 other guys. I know the one, but I had never seen the other guy before. He was fucking gorgeous. So, in true Debbie style I ignored the gorgeous guy. I stay away from men who are too pretty. Old habit. Long story. Someday I may tell you.

Anyhow, Ron got a couple new bottles of wine out and the guys sat down with Kelli and I. We were talking about all kinds of stuff. Mostly funny stories and how retarded we all are. I couldn’t help but notice that hot guy, who is named John, is staring at me. Now, I don’t read too much into this as I am a little drunk and sure I look a mess. After about an hour I decide it’s time to go home and leave. I had to cook the next day for the baby shower.

The next day, I get up and go to my mom’s for a day of cooking my ass off and fun with the baby. Funny, but I thought about the guy several times that day. There was something about him. When I get home that night, I’m exhausted and don’t even want to check my email but I do. There’s an email from John.

Huh?

It basically says that he’s really attracted to me and asked me if I’d like to have dinner with him. He leaves his phone number. I’m definitely attracted to him too, but….

…here’s how I’m an ass….

I write back that I’m really not interested in starting a relationship now, but thanks. I know, I’m an idiot. But, I know how these pretty boys operate. I have no interest in being the ‘good enough for now’ girl. A bit jaded? Yes, I know.

Well, he writes back. He’s not taking no for an answer. It seems that my dear friend Kelli has filled him in on me. He’s ready for my tricks.

I’m fucked. Cause now I can’t stop thinking about him.

He writes me another email. I try to bullshit, again, about how I’m not ready for anything. He’s still not buying it. He has my phone number now. My friend thinks he’s perfect for me. He leaves a few messages this week. He’s not acting like a stalker. He’s actually laughing at me. My friend says he’s determined.

I get the background info on him. He’s 36, brown hair, green eyes, tall, looks good in glasses, and never been married. Has had several long-term relationships. He’s got a great job, I won’t get into that now but let’s just say that he’s really really really smart. He’s been Ron’s friend since college and has just moved to this area. He actually likes living in NJ, which is strange. Kelli loves him. She says that he was taken with me.

I finally spoke with him on the phone last night. I’m going to dinner with him on Friday night. He’s picking me up at 8. He told me to dress casually. He’s not a fancy kind of guy and is best in a casual setting.

I hate fancy too. So far, so good.

I must admit, I’m really excited for this date. Let’s hope I don’t fuck it up and that he doesn’t turn out to be like this freak.

My feet have been torn apart by my shoes. Yesterday, I wore a pair adorable flats. Looks can be deceiving cause they chewed my feet up. Today, I wore a pretty pair of black heels and the blisters on my poor feet were further aggravated. Now, I’m sitting here soaking my bloody sore feet and hoping that I can put on the sneakers I’m wearing tomorrow. Why must I have paper thin skin on my feet? Anyone got an answer for that?

For the ladies:


Cute, but evil, brown shoes.


Black heels.

I’m kind of bummed out that my legs are hurting me again. I ran yesterday and Monday, and my legs were killing me. I’m buying a new pair of sneakers this weekend and I’m going to a specialty running store. Someone suggested I go there because they fit your shoe on you and test your feet to see what’s best. I think this will help tremendously. I just wish my legs would work with me, since I want to run the Race for a Cure and I also want to be able to wear this costume for Halloween so it’s essential I run. It’s the only exercise I really like doing. If the new sneakers don’t work, I’m going to have to start riding a my bike but I’m not too thrilled with that idea since the long bike rides make my crotch hurt.

Oh the dilemmas I have.

Kisses.

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Hello all. Did you vote? I did at 6:10 AM this morning.

Well, I have some sad news. There’s a guy who works in our cafeteria named Kevin. He went missing last week. Everyone was looking for him and worried. With good reason it turns out. He was mugged sometimes last week, beaten to within an inch of his life, and is now in a coma at one of our hospitals. He was originally admitted as a John Doe, but after his relatives contacted the police he was able to be identified. This is bothering me. How do you beat someone that bad? I don’t understand. What has happened to you that you have that much rage inside of you to beat someone until they are in a coma? I’ve always held to the notion that at least being shot is impersonal. There is something very personal about someone putting their hands on you and hitting you until you’re unconscious and then beyond. It’s like you want to kill their soul too. Anyhow, could you all do me a favor and pray/chant/light candles/whatever for Kevin? He’s a really nice guy who always said hello to everyone every morning and who many people miss.

Onto more cheery news. That guy Dave called. He seemed nice enough. I’m not sure if it’s going to work out. Here are big red lights and alarms to me.

  1. He’s two years younger than me. I seem to have more life experience (not because I’m older) than him. He seems quite green.
  2. He lives with his parents and doesn’t have a job.
  3. He’s a full-time grad student. Studying Library Science.
  4. He doesn’t enjoy food that much. Said, “Eating is something that I do quickly to get it out of the way.” Um….you all know how I feel about food. And if you don’t savor the pleasure that is food, how can I be convinced that you will savor me? I’m big on the food/sex comparisons.
  5. He’s not into cats. He actually said, “Oh, you like cats? I don’t.” How could I be with someone who didn’t like Stella Marie. Um, yeah. Next!!!

The Pilot isn’t back yet. Haven’t heard from him in about a week.

Heroes is still kicking ass. No show has held my attention and intrigue like this since the X-Files. Yeah, I’m a dork but I love a good television mindfuck which I think is exactly what’s happening with Heroes if the previews for next weeks show are anything to go by. Oh, I could discuss this show for hours. Who are the bad guys? Who else is special? What does the serial killer have to do with everyone? When do they all come together? “Save the cheerleader save the world”….love it.

Neil Patrick Harris has announced that he was gay. Is it just me or does this make his performance in Harold and Kumar even funnier?

UPDATE: Ummmm, I heard from the Pilot tonight. He just got back, read my blog, and is actully pissed about me talking to that Dave guy. Wow. He’s even more upset that people are making him such a villain on here. He commented, but I deleted it because it’s just too personal to have him on here being part of this. The Pilot is mine and I’m not ready to share him with you yet.

That guy that has been calling me a hundred times a day left 8 messages on my home answering machine today. 8 messages. Can we say psycho? I just don’t understand people. I know I say that all of the time, but I don’t. I haven’t heard or seen this guy in over a year so why is he so keen on talking to me now. It’s not like he says it’s an emergency or anything. He keeps asking me why I’m avoiding him. Let me see…..um, cause you’re crazy. Sheesh, we didn’t even date that long and it wasn’t anything mindblowing or amazing. It was a boring fling. I emailed him yet again to leave me alone and copied my father on it. This should scare the fuck out of him.

I’m going to bed now. I’m exhausted. I’m still worried about Kevin. I’ve been thinking about him so much. I hope he pulls through and isn’t brain damaged or disabled because of some fuckers who don’t respect human life enough to just rob a man and let him be. Makes my stomach hurt to think about it.

I’m not feeling the “How to be Invisible” story any longer. I have tried, but so much has happened since I started writing it and now that I’ve lost my train of thought and I don’t know if I can get it back. I need some magic.

My sister and mother are doing very well. I wanted to again express my gratitude and appreciation for all of your prayers and emails about them. I means so much to me and I share the emails with them and they have been touched by you all. You are all good people.

Nighty night.

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He’s right here

I’m very angry with myself right now. Guess who’s sitting right here on my couch watching TV with me? Come on, guess. Yup. It’s the Pilot. Wanna know what he’s doing here?

Hanging out. Yup. That’s right. Hanging out.

He knows I’m writing on my blog right now. I’m giving him my evil eye. He reads this blog. I’m not hiding how I feel. I refuse to. I’ve already told him I have no idea what I’m doing and that I don’t want to date him. I want someone who can commit. I want someone who will let me be a part of his life. And it isn’t him. I know this. But here I am, sort of dating him. He’s been here a couple times this week. I haven’t told anybody, but I can’t keep this a secret. He’s here. He brought an overnight bag.

Why am I so weak when it comes to this man? Is it because he looks like Neil Patrick Harris? Is it because we have such great sex that I’m surprised that the whole East Coast doesn’t hear us? Is it because he’s really smart and I learn about cool stuff from him? Is it because I’m a dumbass?

Probably. Who the fuck knows?

I just told him that we aren’t dating and he laughed at me. It’s not funny.

Um….yeah. Feel free to give me your opinions. I can take it. I know this is stupid.

In other news, I reached out to someone today. Someone I used to be friends with. Someone I miss. I have no idea if that person will respond to my reaching out. I hope so. If not, I can’t say that I didn’t try. It’s hard for me to think that this person is so cold that he/she would ignore me or tell me to fuck off. But what do I know?

Eh…

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I had a pretty boring weekend. Went to my mother’s house to see my pregger sister. She’s starting to show and she looks adorable. We gave her all of the clothes we bought for her last Tuesday and she loved them. I can’t wait to see her in some of the outfits.

I had a coffee date this morning. We’ll call the guy P. I met him last week and even though I did say to you all that I was currently dating myself, I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to date around and see what’s out there. I haven’t really been “in action” in over a year and it’s time. You all haven’t experienced ‘Dating Debbie’ yet, but you’ve read some of my stories. Well, I’m ready to go now.

So, let me focus. I met P at a local diner and I had a good time. It was really low-key kind of a date. He said he had a good time too. I’m not sure what’s going to happen or if we’ll go on another date, but I’ll keep you all posted.

Had a scene with Stella Marie this evening. The downstairs neighbors cat was up at my door (he always comes up) and this was the first time my girl has seen him. I heard some low meowing that I’ve never heard before. I went out to the porch to calm Stella down and right when she heard my voice, she went for the other cat. Luckily, there’s a screen door there. But shit, I had no idea my little kitty had it in her. I tried to grab her, but she freaked out and now I have puncture wounds and scratches all over my right hand. I can’t be mad at her though. She was really scared and protecting her house. I did get her to relax and she’s been next to ever since the incident. Poor little baby.

I really don’t have much else to write tonight. I’ll leave you all with two more poems that I wrote years ago.

We are all flowers waiting to be picked…
who’s pissing on us, who’s stepping on us,
who’s picking us now?
Growing up to be beautiful treasures
sprouting with springtime joy.
Come across the field, pick me,
I’m the most perfect one.
Looking out at the other girls
a tear from my petal falls.
A bunch of lilies were trampled upon,
their life forced into the dirt.
We are all flowers waiting to be picked…
who’s pissing on us, who’s stepping on us,
who’s picking us now?
In the May drought I smiled to the sun,
but my smile got caught in the wind.
He wants another.
I am a flower waiting to be picked…
who’s pissing on me, who’s stepping on me,
who’s picking me now?
Please pick me before my spinster leaves wither away
they are falling down all over the river
drowning in the water he pours on me.
We are all flowers waiting to be picked…

and

Tears roll down my face.
The things you find,
the things you stumble upon
in the roses.
Behind the trailers
he was there.
There’s blood everywhere.
The thorns were found.
The things you stumble upon.
Running along the honeysuckle path
and picket fences.
Smells of sunshine.
Smells like summertime.
Tripping over the wind
there’s a smile on a dandelion.
There’s a child on a swing.
Little boys with little trucks
running over the dollies.
The little girls with their water pistols
trying to solve a crime.
Bandaides on boo-boo’s.
The things you stumble upon.
The things you fall on.
He was there
and there’s blood on my dress,
in the roses.
In the sun
lawnmowers are mowing
along with the birds chirping.
The bees are making themselves a home.
Little Molly has fallen down.
The things you stumble upon
in the roses.

Thanks for reading. I know these poems aren’t that great, but it’s fun to share them with you all.

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