Archive for the ‘Domestic Goddess’ Category

I worked on my flower bed all fucking day.  All fucking day.

Let’s see, what exactly did I do…

  1. Dug up all of the bulbs in my garden.  None of them bloomed this year and I think they needed to be dug up and replanted in the fall.  I’ve been wanting to do this for 3 years now, but Mullet Man would mow over the bulbs so that I couldn’t see where they were to dig them up.  Since the idiot is gone, I dug the bulbs up.  And there were about 50 of them.
  2. I then dug up the whole flower bed to get the sod and other shit out of there.  I also used a cultivator to get this shit done.  This is fucking tiring.
  3. I loaded up a bunch of huge stones from the back of the yard onto a wheelbarrow and hulled the fucker around the house to the front where my garden is.  I should have made several trips because that thing was really heavy and once I got to the front of the house, I had to push the wheelbarrow and all of the stones downhill.  I thought I was going to lose the damn stones several times.  My shoulders, back, and arms immediately started hurting.  I was too ambitious with that fucking wheelbarrow.
  4. I used the stones for a border along my garden so my flowers won’t be mowed over.  I lined them up.  This was horrible.  I almost dropped them on my feet several times.
  5. I trimmed the hedges on each side of my flower bed.  When I say trim, I mean that I cut those fuckers back till they are about a foot tall.  I then had to clean up all of the trimming and drag them to the curb.  That sucked.
  6. I spread 2 40 lb bags of humus and manure over my flower bed.
  7. I spread 4 40 lb bags of topsoil over my garden.
  8. I hosed the soil down so that it didn’t blow off.
  9. I used an edger on each side of the walkway.
  10. I then planted pansies and primroses in my flower box on my steps.
  11. Then I had to clean everything up.
  12. All of the above took 5 hours.

Fuck.  My forearms are so sore.  This was fucking insane work.  I have mad respect for landscapers.  Mad mad respect.

Oh, and in the middle of my doing all of the work the lady that lives downstairs comes around the house and starts telling me what I should do with the hedges and how she wants me to plant only purple and yellow flowers in the flower bed.  I can’t describe how much this pissed me off.  Here I am, covered in dirt and sweat, working my ass off and she comes around in her PJ’s telling me what she wants like I’m her servant or something.  Whatever.

I just took some ibuprofen and I’m ready to go to bed.  Goodnight.

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This weekend was quite relaxing. I needed it. In a bad way. I wrapped all of my gifts today, even the candy I made is wrapped and looking pretty, so I’m done. I can sit back and enjoy the holiday season. This is the first year I’m totally done this early. It’s awesome.

I also cleaned out my jewelry box and was painfully reminded of the fact that my ex (the one who took my money) also sold a bunch of my treasured jewelry. Fucking bastard. I have very few pieces now and it breaks my heart.

Here comes the TMI, but whatever…

I pulled out my dildo this afternoon because I was crazy bored and horny. It had dust on it. Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve had anything up my cookie, except for a tampon. So, I cleaned it off and started making sweet love to myself. When I started inserting the dildo, something strange happened. My vagina hurt. Like a virgin kind of hurt. I got over it and enjoyed myself, but after I started thinking. I really need a boyfriend or, at the very least, to start going on dates. I’m getting a little too comfortable being alone. I need to get my ass back out there. Cause if I don’t have sex soon, my vag might grow shut. Right?

I’m going to leave it there. I have to write out my Christmas cards now. Peace, bitches.

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I’m tuckered out. I’ve been busy all weekend. Seriously busy. Christmasy busy. Therapeutic kind of busy, you know.

I did laundry on Friday night. I had….ready for it….9 loads of laundry to do. Wait, make that 10 since I had to wash my winter comforter. So yeah. Did I ever tell you all that I love to do laundry? Well, I do. I enjoy the mindlessness of it. The physical washing the smells, dirt, and sweat from the previous weeks. Starting over. The smell.

After laundry, I ran to the grocery store because no matter how many lists I make out I still forget some damn thing. I had to make candy and cookies this weekend, so I need the stuff.

By the time I got home and put all of my clothes away it was 10PM. I didn’t sit down to eat until then. I was exhausted, but I still had to strip the bed and put my winter comforter and bed skirt. Oy! I collapsed around midnight.

Saturday proved to be a marathon. I tore my apartment apart and cleaned it. Like, hospital cleaned it. Like, OCD cleaned it. I then decorated for the holiday. I took pictures and I’ll post them tomorrow or something. I then made candy. Loads of fucking candy. I’m giving little packages of candy as gifts this year. Cause I’m kind of poor. Seriously, I’ve already spent about $500 on Christmas already. So, I made some candy: spiced pecan and triple chocolate bark, white chocolate cherry bark, and dark chocolate cherry bark. Should be good, right?

Anyhow, I…AGAIN…didn’t sit down until about 10PM. I showered and collapsed.

Up again today to make cookies for “Cookie Day” tomorrow at work. I made pistachio/cranberry biscotti iced with white chocolate. I’m never making these again. Seriously. Fuck Giada DeLaurentis. These were the most difficult things I’ve ever made. I’d rather make bagels. I hope people like them at work because I freaking worked hard on them. I also made chocolate chocolate chip cookies.

I still have to buy some more presents and then wrap everything. I’m exhausted thinking about it. Tis the season.

Oh, and I’ll be in TN again at the end of this month. My mom and I are visiting my aunt. I can’t wait to see her and give her a huge hug.

One other thing and I’m going to lie on my couch like a blob. Do you know what is very unattractive? Men in low rise jeans. Now, don’t confuse this jeans riding low on a man hips. I like that. But men’s jeans cut really low for fashion’s sake. Just too hipster. Too deliberate. Too trying too hard. That’s all.

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Well, I suppose it’s only fair that I tell you the reason for posting those lyrics. It’s not what you think. Not even close.

You see, and I’m going for the abbreviated version because I’m so fucking pissed, a friend of a friend of a friend took something I wrote in an email the wrong way. A bunch of my friends were emailing each other to pass the day and he was part of it. Soooo, I replied to something he wrote and he decided I was in love with him.

Yeah, let that one wash over you.

Talk about thinking highly of oneself, huh?

Apparently, he thinks that all of the times I’ve been in his presence I’ve been in total awe of him. I’ve only seen him a few times. He has been to a few dinners, but I’ve never really given him much thought.

Until last week.

I can’t imagine how one could think someone is in love with them over one smartass email I sent. Maybe he forgot that he wasn’t the only one receiving that email.

He then started emailing and texting my friend about me. How he would date me, but it will never be love. This all ended with him emailing me the lyrics to that song, I’m Not In Love, and a stupid ass email about my love for him.

I ended up giving him a piece of my mind on Monday night. So much drama. I’m not even interested in talking about it anymore. Why does this shit happen to me? Where are the normal people?


Stella’s eye is acting up again. I put a call in to the vet tonight and I have an appointment for tomorrow morning. They want to run some tests and give her a shot of antibiotics. This shit is seriously driving me insane. I don’t have the kind of money to keep sending her to the vet every 2 weeks. This will be my 4th appointment in 6 weeks for the same fucking thing. Oy!


You’ll notice that I took down the blog to help that homeless woman and her dogs. We can’t find the woman. I found out she’s out of her mind on drugs and that she’s using the dogs for sympathy. I’ve spoken with several police officers who know her and they said that if anything happens to her, they know of several people willing to take the dogs.

I feel like a real fool for getting sucked in the way I did. I should have known better. But, I just wanted to help her. We did help her and the dogs though. We bought food and water and gave her money and clothes. At least that’s something.


I’ve started plans on starting a vegetable garden in my backyard next year. I think if I grow my own vegetables I’ll feel better. Like I’m using the earth for something. I know I’m a dork. I also joined a nature club in my area. I’m really excited about going on some nature walks. We have a huge bird population here, that’s right…New Jersey, and I want to see as much as I can. I love birds of prey, so it would be cool to see some hawks or eagles.


I took two laxative tablets tonight. I haven’t had a good poop since Saturday. It’s just not right. I usually poop twice a day, at least. So, I’m not feeling like myself. I need to have a day of pooping. Seriously. A whole day. I’m backed up and it ain’t good.


Ann Coulter said the following….

“If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It’s kind of a pipe dream, it’s a personal fantasy of mine, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women. It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it’s the party of women and ‘We’ll pay for health care and tuition and day care — and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?’”

I hate this woman. Seriously. I want to know what the fuck happens to you as a human being to make you hate your own kind so much. If she was lying in an alley being gang-raped by sadistic serial killers, I would have to pause to contemplate helping her or not. I probably would because I’m the type of woman who would love to have a little piece of shit like her in my debt. Hmmm, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Ann, you have scorned me. You have given those uptight rich masogonist white men you are on your knees serving. You don’t deserve your uterus, clitoris, or tits. It’s not womankind’s fault your face looks like a dirty dried up cunt. I have proof, see below.

Sorry…you know, I was going to put a picture of her on here, but I don’t want her gangbanged looking face on here.


I’m out. Cross your fingers that I have a good day of pooping. And I hope never to write a sentence like that again.

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I keep forgetting to post pictures of the kids’ birthday party last Saturday. It was a good time. The kids looked adorable. Here are a few pictures of Morgan and her friends dressed up and singing. Cuteness attack coming, watch out:

I’ve been cleaning all weekend. I felt the need to go through everything and make it right. Down to makeup brushes. I also threw away a whole bag full of makeup. Time to start fresh! I love makeup and haven’t been wearing it much lately. It’s time to start.

The getting up at 4:30 AM to run is getting old. I hate it. It’s so humid and hot to do it after work, but it’s going to have to be that way. I’m just not interested in getting up so early any longer.

I buying this, I think. It looks really cool and at least it’s something I can do in my home when it’s raining or too hot/cold. I hate Pilate’s and this looks like it gives you the same kind of results. I love this kind of shit.

I just found out I have a court date for September 13 in my case against the diner whose parking lot I fell on 4 years ago and broke my arm in 2 places. I fell on about 2 inches of ice. They’ve been unresponsive to my lawyer’s letters, so a court date was necessary. It’s been such a long drawn out thing, I’m ready for it to be over. I still have problems with my arm, I can’t straighten it completely and it aches constantly. I don’t know what kind of compensation I might get, I’ve never sued anyone before, but whatever happens happens.

I’m traveling to Tennessee to visit my aunt in September. I’m really excited. It’s her 50’th birthday, so I’ll be there for the party. She’s my favorite aunt and I haven’t seen her since I visited her 2 years ago. It should be lots of fun.

I am also traveling to DC in October to see two of my favorite blog girls. I’m really excited about that too. It should be an awesome time.

I’m ready for the fall. I hate summer. I’m done with the humidity, with the heat, with the fucking sun. I’m ready for sweaters, crisp air, sleeping with the windows open and tons of blankets, and the crunch of fallen leaves. I’m really ready.

If Roslin steps in poo one more time, I’m going to scream. I’ve had to give my baby girl 3 baths this week because she’s had poo all over her. Luckily, she’s so small I can just put her under the faucet in the kitchen. She scratched the shit out of me this afternoon when I cleaned off her paws. Fun times, I know it. But she’s so cute, here look:

We can’t forget my Stella Marie.

I made chili yesterday. It turned out so good I wanted to cry. Sometimes I am so fucking impressed with my cooking skills. I know, it’s cocky but this chili tasted like heaven. The recipe is here.

Cheese and cilantro for topping the chili. I always serve it with corn tortillas instead of bread. I bake them in the oven until they’re kind of crispy.


Okay, my loves. That’s all for now.

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Wow. Someone actually commented asking me where I was and I was only gone for a few days. I’m so touched. I mean, I know that some of you think I half-ass it here but it’s nice to know that some people like to come here.

I’ve been really tired this week. The lack of sleep last weekend coupled with my getting up at 4:30 AM everyday this week has kicked my ass. We started summer hours at work and I get every other Friday off if I come in earlier than usual. I have tomorrow off and I plan on doing nothing. Well, I’ll go for a run and then I’ll do nothing. Oh, and I’ll make bagels and bread and then I’ll do nothing.

I’m not sure if I know how to do nothing. Hmmm, I’ll try.

I went grocery shopping this evening. I had to stock up on the gluten free pasta and flour and shit. I really don’t think gluten free is going to be difficult. I’m making bagels and bread tomorrow, so I’ll let you know how they turn out. I’ll be using rice and flaxseed flour. I can’t use soy flour because I’m allergic to soy. I’ve actually become high maintenance. Weird.

Going gluten free is fucking expensive.

So, after getting all my groceries and a cat toy I got in line to check out. I start putting items up on the counter when I get this big whiff of funk. I look up to see an older lady in front of me. It’s coming from her. She’s fully dressed in a freezing grocery store and I can smell her ass funk.

I don’t understand ass funk. If one bathes regularly, one should easily avoid the funk and yet this is a common thing. I go into the bathroom at work and at least once a day my nostrils are offended by someone’s funky junk.

In light of the frequency in which I’m smelling another’s swamp ass, I’ve decided to explain how one can avoid the funk.

  1. Get naked and get into the shower.
  2. Lather up your hands (or if you have issues touching yourself, get a wash cloth and lather it up, and then go get therapy).
  3. Prop your leg up onto the edge of the tub and use your fingers to spread your vaginal lips. Don’t use rub the washcloth over your temple and think you’re clean. You have to get in there.
  4. Now, start rubbing around in there. Soap everything up. Oh, you like that….keep going baby…..it feels good doesn’t it…..now I want you to…..PAY ATTENTION!….I could smell you through your jeans, it was really bad.
  5. Once finished washing your temple, tilt your pelvis toward the stream of water coming from your shower and rinse. If you have a detachable showerhead, you lucky bastards, use that.
  6. Rinse your hands and/or washcloth and re-lather.
  7. Spread your ass cheeks with one hand and then soap up your ass. Really get in there and scrub it good. Shit comes out of there, you know?
  8. Once you feel you’ve cleaned enough, back your ass up to the water and spread those cheeks again and rinse. Don’t you feel refreshed?
  9. Get out of the shower and dry off. Really, make sure you’re good and dry. Don’t put on panties right away. This will only make your shit stew and the funk will get back in your junk. Air your shit out.
  10. Go on and enjoy life with a clean temple and ass.

I hope that what I just wrote wasn’t anything new to you all. And if it was, trust me that you will smell like roses and honey.

Now, I’m going to bed. Kisses and hugs and purple nurples to you all.

Oh, and chai tea is all goodness. Mmmmmmm……

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Well, I wasn’t going to leave the comments open on that previous post but I’m glad I did. Not only are you all angels, but it’s unbelievable that so many of us have been victimized like that. The emails I got were amazingly powerful and heartbreaking.

Thank you all for your words of support and for your kindness. They mean more than I can say.

I got a lot of emails asking me how I can be so comfortable with sex and sexuality after being raped. I feel compelled to answer those questions by giving you a little more of my story.

After it all happened, I went through a few years of being an asshole. Yup, a serious asshole. I left that school after my sophomore year and started going to a community college part-time. I went to work full-time. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I was in a dark place.

My friend, D, finally convinced me to go to therapy and I did. I went 3 times a week and slowly came to terms with things. My therapist suggested that I start volunteering at a local rape crisis clinic and I did. Through the stories of those women I started to heal and to realize that I wasn’t alone. But, I needed more answers.

I finally went back to college full-time, a Behavioral Sciences major. My first semester, I took a class in sex crimes. My professor, who would later become my advisor and friend, was an ex-profiler for the FBI and counselled sex offenders. I told him my story and said that I needed to find out all I could about the men who do this. And I did. I wrote two independent studies on the subject, one on sexually predators and one on the corrections of sex offenders. I was invited to several conferences and meetings held by renowned experts in the field. Know thy enemy.

I came to several conclusions eventually. One was that what happened to me wasn’t my fault. Two was that what happened to me had nothing to do with me. I think that even if I had known he liked me and I reciprocated, he would have eventually been violent. It’s in his nature. He’s a type 2 rapist. Narcissist. The third thing was that I can’t change the past, but I am responsible for what happens to me now. And the fourth was that what he did to me had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with control and humiliation.

So, I started learning about sex and sexuality. Turns out that I loved the subject and was fascinated by all of the ways people practice love making. Besides, every time I hold myself back he wins. So, I can’t let him win.

I have to enjoy life. I can’t dwell or let past experiences ruin all of the potentially wonderful things in my life.

And that is the story.


This weekend I was a cooking and baking fool. Saturday night I made this and a chocolate cheesecake. Yesterday I made this and this and a maple cake with a pecan icing and homemade bagels. Yes, you heard me right. Homemade bagels. Plain and cinnamon raisin. They turned out great. Fuck yeah, I rock.


  • I keep putting off joining the gym because I know the weather is going to get good again and then I’ll never be at the gym anyway. In the meantime, my clothes are getting tight. It’s killing me. I hate dieting, but I might have to for a little bit until I get outside and work out. I also can’t wait to get outside because I feel like shit.
  • With the weather being so cold and me being single, my leg hair is out of control. Mostly because I’ve been to lazy to shave them. Yeah, I’m just a hairy legged woman. Don’t worry, I always keep the crotch and pits in order….but my legs were nasty. I shaved them last night and now I just keep rubbing my legs because they’re so smooth. There is no point to this, I’m just rambling.
  • My sister is definitely having the baby tomorrow. Stay tuned for that.
  • I’m rereading all of the Harry Potter books to get ready for the 7th book. I know I’m a dork and that’s okay. Make fun of me. Those books are super awesome and now I’ve been tuning in to the Podcasts.
  • I think I’m addicted to Podcasts. I love them.
  • I went grocery shopping the other day and I forgot graham crackers for the chocolate cheesecake crust, so I was driving by an Aldi and I stopped. I know what I’m about to say is super snobby, but that is the most depressing grocery store I’ve ever been in. Really. I’d cry.
  • I still have my Christmas lights up. Yeah, I know I’m a loser. It’s just too fucking cold to take them down. They’re frozen to my stairs. At least I don’t turn them on. That would be bad.

My guys Tim and Rich came over the other night to have some drinks with me. Rich is a republican. A gay republican. A gay black republican. Yeah. Here is a sample of our conversation from the other night after we’d each had a few drinks.

Me: “I don’t date republicans. It’s a rule I have.”
Rich: “How do you know if he’s a republican.”
Me: “I ask.”
Rich: “That’s kind of rude.”
Me: “No. It’s not rude. It’s crucial information.”
Rich: “Why?”
Me: “It’s crucial because I don’t have sex with republicans. If, by their opinion, I’m not intelligent enough or responsible enough to make my own decisions about my body then I don’t think any republican should reap the benefits of my body.”
Rich: “Isn’t your dad a republican?”
Me: “Yes, but I don’t fuck my dad.”
Rich: “That’s nice, Debbie. You know, I’m a republican.”
Me: “Yes, that’s weird. You’re like the African tribesman who sold his people to whitey or the Jewish police who turned in their own people to the Nazi’s.”

crickets chirping,,,,,dumb stares…..lots of blinking

Tim: “Oh Debbie.”
Rich: “I just think that the conservative line is closer to my beliefs and how I worship God.”
Me: “But doesn’t God hate the gays? That’s what I’ve been hearing lately.”
Tim (holding his hands to his head): “You’re a mess.”
Me: “Stay out of it Timmyboy. Listen Rich, don’t you think your picking your politics because of your religious faith is retarded? What about common sense? I know that’s a difficult concept to grasp in this day and age, but how can you support a party who wants to destroy your people.”
Rich: “Which people? My blacks or my gays?”
Me: “Does it matter? Pick one.”
Rich: “I think that in the end God will make it right. If I don’t have my faith I don’t have anything. It’s the way of Christ. I can believe that even if I’m gay.”
Me: “You know I’m not Christian, my dear.”
Rich: “What’s the supposed to mean?”
Me: “I don’t follow the Christian way.”
Rich: “You don’t believe that Jesus is our lord and savior.”
Me: “Um, no. I don’t. And Christianity didn’t come until many many centuries after Jesus died. It could have been anyone, but they chose to write the myths about him. It’s history and mythology. I don’t believe mortals can be gods anyhow. If you can shit, you ain’t it.”
Rich: “You’re retarded sometimes, you know that? You don’t think gods can shit?”
Me: “Maybe thunder is caused by the gods farting.”
Rich: “No more drinks for you. Well, all I know is that I follow what the bible says.”
Me: “Which interpretation? Most of those stories were stolen from the Jews anyhow.”
Rich: “Oh, I don’t think we’ll ever agree when it comes to this subject.”
Me: “I think if I had to pick one, I’d be a Jew. They are the chosen people and I always wanted to belong to a tribe.”
Tim: “I seriously wonder how your brain works Debbie. You amaze me sometimes by your wackiness. It’s one of the reasons why I love you.”
Rich: “I love you too. You’re fucking nuts.”
Me: “I think I’m going to form my own tribe. Invite only. You guys wanna join? We’ll be super cool. We can get matching sweatshirts.”
Rich: “Can they be purple?”
Me: “You are so gay.”

I love these guys. I miss them. They are going back to NYC on Monday. I want to go with them. They are an awesome couple. I asked them to adopt me. They’re thinking about it. Oh, and Tim is a bleeding liberal. They have a rule to never talk about politics inside their home.

We have all gotten into heated arguments about the hot topics of today and I think it says something that at the end of it all, we respect each voice of dissent. We keep each other sharp. Plus, Rich makes a mean mango margarita.

And that’s a wrap.

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I want to thank everyone for all of your advice regarding the shitty kissing that went down on Friday. I’m not a prude when it comes to first dates. I’ll kiss (shit, I’ve even fucked), but I have to be really attracted in order to do this. Or have lots of wine. Yeah, wine makes me a whore. It’s awesome sometimes. What I’m trying to say, in my retarded way, is that although I wasn’t really ‘feeling’ this guy I had 3 glasses of red wine and could be described as extremely friendly. So when he asked if he could kiss me, I figured what the fuck. I don’t understand what nerves have to do with kissing skills, but I was going to give him a second chance after reading about how he could have been nervous. This is very big of me, as I’m from the “if you’re not going to do it right, then don’t do it at all” school. He kissed like a 13 year old, not a 35 year old. Oy!

Did you notice that I said was going to give him a second chance? Um, yeah. My family member (the person who put me up to the date) said that my date thought I was extremely rude for talking on my cell phone the whole night. Motherfucker. I can see if I was chatting up my girlfriends about the new shoes they purchased, but I was talking to my mother regarding my pregnant sister bleeding in the hospital. He told my family member that HE would consider giving me a second chance. What? Is he fucking serious? He’s done. I considered going on a second date and destroying him like ‘Debbie from the old days’ would have done. But I’m older and more compassionate now. I sent him a level 10 bitch (my most deadly level) email telling him how embarrassed he should be of his stupidity and ignorance. I said more, but you all don’t need to see the full extent of my temper and how horrible I can be. I have it in me to be the cruelest person I know and it’s not something I’m proud of.

So, did anything else happen you ask? Why yes?

On Saturday morning I stopped at my mother’s house before going to have new tires put on my car. The stinkies (Morgan and Connor) were there and I got to act nuts with them for a bit. My goodness I love these kids. Nothing in the world is wrong when I’m with them. Here are some pictures:

My mom kept my old dance costumes. Morgan found this one and immediately changed into it to put on her show. She’s such a performer.

I can’t resist this smile. After I took the picture I grabbed him and bit the little Meatball’s cheeks.

After, I went to get my tires replaced. Waiting for that to go down was a special kind of hell. Not only did they smoke in the little office at my mechanic’s, but these little wannabe white rapper fuckers kept coming in looking for rims and shit. They had the most manicured facial hair I’ve ever seen. I played a game in my head trying to guess how small their penis’ were. If they stayed in the office long enough, I then guesstimated how bad they were in bed by rating them on a scale from 1-10 depending on how ‘dressed up’ they were in the ghetto gear. No one rated very high, as you can imagine.

Have I ever told you all how I hate an overly done up man? I’m not attracted to men in suits or any man who looks like he has his eyebrows tweezed. Ew. I hate men’s cologne. I’m not attracted to men who are too pretty or good looking. I like there to be some flaw or quirk. I have this thing for dirty construction workers. Sometimes they’re on the train with me and I have to keep myself from licking my lips. They smell of soap and sweat. There’s nothing better than that.

Saturday night I did nothing exciting. I made a stir fry and read all night. I was on standby because my sister was still bleeding and the doctor wasn’t sure what they were going to do. But, the decision was made to definitely take the baby on Tuesday. I’m really excited. Another stinky to spoil. Makes me want to have a baby. But, that’s a whole other post.

Yesterday was one of the most boring days ever. I cleaned, napped, cooked, and read. I watched some of the Super Bowl but it was boring so I turned it off. The series Rome is getting really good. You all should watch it. It’s not historically accurate at all, but if you can over that, it’s a really awesome show.

I did put a profile up on Match.com because I love torturing myself. Actually, my friend says that it’s not so bad. I should know better to never trust my friends. Even the good ones. Every guy on the site looks like a serial killer. I have 6 emails already and I can’t open them because they want me to pay $20. So, I have to pay money to possibly get a date with a loser who will probably do something offensive or freakish to me in the first hour of the date. Fun stories aheah, I’m sure.

I’m so optimistic it’s scary, huh?

I watched some man pick his nose quite thoroughly on the train in this morning. I tried to get my phone out to take a picture, but he was a shifty fucker and stopped just when I was ready to snap. It was -800 degrees outside this morning, so we walked underground to keep out of the wind. I hate walking underground. It breaks my heart. When the weather gets this cold, the city lets the homeless sleep in the tunnels underground. I just can’t deal with it. I want to help them all. There is one guy, who doesn’t look much older than me, that sits by the subway rocking. He looks so cold. His eyes are vacant. That kills me. Nobody eyes should be vacant like that. I bought him breakfast last week after I saw him rummaging through the garbage and was pleased to see that this morning someone beat me to it. He had a steaming cup of coffee and food. This week I will bring him a few blankets because his look like rags. I have 3 comforters that I was going to throw away, but they are perfectly good and that would be wasteful. I know I can’t change the world, but I can’t get through my day knowing that I have so much and there are people sleeping underneath my building in rags starving with vacant eyes. I have to help a little.

That’s all I’ve got today, folks.

Oh yeah, click here.

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Ugh. I’m finished my holiday shopping. And the wrapping. And the decorating of my apartment and I even put lights up outside. Fuck yeah!

I don’t have much to report in but the holiday stuff. I did have dinner with the old lady next door last night and it was really nice. She gave me a bottle of Bailey’s for Christmas and I’m on my second glass tonight.

I’ve been watching TBS all day, as they’re playing The Lord of the Rings trilogy today and I’ve been watching since the beginning. I love these books and I love these movies. So, I’ll be in Middle Earth for a few hours more and then I’ll go to bed and probably dream of Legolas making sweet love to me in the middle of Rivendell. There is something about a man with elf ears, huh? Just me….oh okay.

I’m going to my sister’s in Lancaster, PA on Thursday for a few days. She can’t travel due to the complications she’s having with her pregnancy. I’m excited to see her. I haven’t seen her in a while and I miss her. I’m going to help her clean her house and go grocery shopping for her because she is on bed rest and her husband has to work double shifts all week.

Here are some pictures of the Christmas fun from this weekend.

Stella’s stocking.

My “Charlie Brown” Christmas tree.

All of the presents wrapped.

Yummy clementine.

And now onto my stroking….I’m highlighting five blogs now because it’s going to take forever to get to the end just stroking three, and well I just can’t wait that long to stroke Lozo, I can’t lie (hee hee). Anyhow, here they are and can I admit that these are five of some of my favorite people around:

Enough Already!: Miss Thang herself, MG. She’s not so mean. I found her from a blogger I won’t mention ever again here. And I think she’s the only woman I’d let kiss me. Hee hee. I can’t believe I wrote that. Wait, yes I can. This is her second blog and she’s worth a peak. Not only is she funny and sexy, I love when she goes on a rant.

from the neck up: Oh Rosie! I love this girl. She’s Annoyed’s better half (he’d even say that) and I found her from his blog. She’s a great writer and I swear sometimes she’s my long lost sister. She thinks like me. She has great stories and great perspective and she knows something about life, which I think is very important. She’s also very brave and I have a lot of respect for her. So, go check her out and laugh very hard at this.

Green Apple Martini: I found HDW the same day I found Laurie’s blog. Laurie was yelling about a woman stealing HDW’s template and I clicked over and haven’t stopped since. I don’t know if I can give this blog or HDW any justice. She’s just the definition of class, wit, intelligence, love, warmth, and irony. I think Laurie said it best when she said that HDW has a way of writing about life that is funny without being snarky. I love HDW. She is one of the few bloggers I have met in person. I wish I lived closer to her, and some of you other bloggers, because she is all goodness and I need some of it to rub off on me. She’s a great friend and I need everyone to go over to her blog and see what blogging is about. She does it perfectly. Smooches sweetie!

High Desert Diva’s Dive: Another lovely lady I found from the unmentionable blogger. She loves food as much as I do. She’s a professional chef. A great writer. I wish I thought of some of her ideas for stories. She’s clever and witty and extremely intelligent. She has the cutest daughter. Please go check her out. I’m serious about how good she is. She’s also an awesome person.

hotwire reality: He’s one of my first readers. He’s got a great blog. He’s a talented writer and an amazing artist. Check this out. He has a way of making you breathe in the warm air of nostalgia in a way that few people I know can. He has a great point of view that makes for interesting posts. He’s good people and once you go to his blog, you’ll link him and be hooked. So, go already!

I updated The Home Cook (three dip recipes) and Coquettishly (anal sex) tonight as well.

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