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Archive for the ‘Fresh’s Ego Stroke’ Category

Okay, I know I’ve been a slacker with commenting on blogs or answering the comments on here. You’ll just have to forgive me. I’ve been distracted.

I’m better today. I did have a headache almost all day, but it’s gone and I’m cool. I just mentally double Donkey Kong punched all of the fuckers in my life and it’s amazing. They should write books on this kind of mental exercise. None of that peace and love shit. Just mentally beat the shit out of the losers and fucktards in your life. I felt energized.

I have more bad news. It’s not really new bad news, as I’ve known for a few weeks. I have permanent eye damage in my left eye. I can see, but there’s a big spot that the doctor told me would be there forever. FOOOORRRRRRRREVVVVVVEEEERRRRRRRRRR!

Don’t feel bad for me. At least I can see out of the eye.

I am going to hold my radio show this Wednesday. I’ll be doing it from TN and I will most likely be drunk, so you should really tune in. If you think my drunk posting is hysterical, yeah….I’m better live.

Now, I got an award from Just a Girl. I’m not sure if I deserve it, cause I’m not always nice. You know, you need to sometimes be a bit mean to get through in life. People are like rabid dogs and will sniff and attack someone who hasn’t marked their boundaries. Weird analogy, yes. Here’s my award.

Now, I have to list 5 other nice bloggers. Here it goes…

  1. Fleas Thoughts: She sent me postcards from her super cool vacation. I have all of them hanging up in my office. I love postcards. She didn’t just send postcards to me, but to anyone who asked. How nice is that!
  2. Dee: I work with Dee, so she knows first hand some of the retarded things that happen at my job. She has also witnessed the Comfortable Shitter doing her thang whilst gabbing on her cell phone. Yeah. Let that one sink in. Anyhow, Dee puts up with my blabbing her ear off at whatever and I appreciate it.
  3. Yllwdaisies: Cause she’s been one of my readers since the very baby steps of this blog and is still reading. And because I always learn something from her blog. She’s the shit.
  4. B: I believe she might be my complete opposite. And yet, I think we have a lot more in common than you’d think. You just have to look deep enough.
  5. Steph: Okay, this woman has a gazillion readers and comments (I’m not joking, go over there and look) and yet she ANSWERS EVERY COMMENT MADE. I’m awestruck by her. I love her and I believe she is my Aussie sister. Seriously, I read her stories and say at least 10 times….”Yup, this is me.”

That’s all. Remember to volunteer to guest post. All three blogs (Fresh Air Lover, Coquettishly, and The Home Cook) are open to posts.

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The final stroke…

…the one where I use my mouth.

Sheesh, I’ve been waiting forever to say that and now that I have…it’s not so funny. Ha.

I suppose you all know who I’m going to stroke.

So, let’s talk about Lozo over there at Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Blog.

I was going to write this incredibly funny post about his blog, but then I remembered that it’s me writing it and I’m not that funny when I’m trying to be. Sad life I lead indeed. As a result, I’m going to be nice and really praise Lozo because, in all honesty, I think he’s fucking brilliant.

Here are two interesting facts regarding how Lozo’s blog influences my life:

  • About 25%-35% of all my daily hits come from his blog. This has been consistent for quite a few months now. Many of you have found me through this blog. Some of you say it was Destiny that brought you to me, but in reality it was Lozo.
  • On the rare occasion that he graces a post of mine with a comment, I usually end up with at least 10 emails asking me why I haven’t told him off or how I tolerate him. This boils my blood. I appreciate Lozo’s comments. He doesn’t let me get away with anything and doesn’t kiss my ass. Or anyone’s ass for that matter. I like this. I hate when things are taken so seriously and these emails always find my wrath. Lozo is fucking funny and he’s allowed to give me shit when I deserve it or make fun of me. Sometimes I need it.

Reasons why you should read Lozo:

  • The thing is, Lozo’s blog is a great read. I always wonder why he doesn’t have 100 comments to his posts because some of them are that good.
  • He’s funny in a creative way. I love how he’s fearless with some of his posts. He says things that many people only wish they had the balls to say. His grammar puts mine to shame, most of the time.
  • If you’re a sports person, then this is another reason you will love his blog. Although I will admit to skimming (or even skipping) the sports posts, I have faith that they are as well written as his other posts.
  • And every once and a while, Lozo reveals that he’s human. These are the posts that I respect the most for. He has his ‘Lozo’ image 90% of the time and then he reminds us that life isn’t all bloggity blogging.
  • His is one of my top 5 favorite blogs.
  • He’s the keeper of my emergency penis.
  • Because I said so.

Some of my favorite posts are:

It’s 8 P.M. Do You Know Where Your Idiot Is?
Kelly Clarkson Is A Whiny Baby
Hi, You’re An Asshole
The Drunkest I’ve Ever Been
Lozo’s Guide To Taking A Dump
A Completely Objective Review of MySpace
The Lost Art Of The Handjob
Hi! I’m Inconsiderate Work Bathroom User

And that’s just the tip. If you want a deeper, more penetrating sample you’ll have to go over there yourself. You will have a good time.

I hereby conclude my mouth stroke of Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Blog? Was it good for you? I hope you all go over there and leave comments and become forever fans of His Awesomeness.

Oh, and all of you people who come here from Lozo….it would be nice if you would say hi every now and again.

To Lozo: hugs and kisses, my dear.

And the stroking is finished.

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How has everyone been? I’m sleepy today. I am fantasizing about going to sleep. I want nothing more than to put my jammies on and curl up on the couch when I get home. But I can’t.

Why, you ask?

I have a date tonight. Yup. Another setup. Now, before you go lecturing me about how I should have learned my lesson by now about these bullshit setups let me explain something. I’m doing this as a favor for a friend of the family. I was begged to do it. Apparently, I’d be perfect for So’n’so’s son. The date is at 7, so no naps for me. I’m wearing pants and I’m not shaving my pits or my legs. That’s how much I care about this date.

What else has been going on?

Fuck if I know. It’s been boring around here.

I took my nipple ring out the other night. It got caught in the lace of my bra a few weeks ago and never recovered. I was tired of having a sore nipple for no reason. This is the same reason why I took the other one out last year. Oh well, they were fun for while.

I gave blood yesterday. Here are some pictures of my arm because I know you want to see my wound.


My arm right after, covered in iodine.


My arm right now. The little red dot is where they stuck me. Do you like the bruising? My arm is killing me today. I’ve never had pain after giving blood before. It sucks.

They now take the blood in a Red Cross bus. It was strange. I filled the bag of blood in 5 minutes. I shit you not. The nurse was also impressed by the amount of iron in my blood. The drop sank down to the bottom like a weight. She asked me what I eat because whatever I’m doing I need to keep up. I told her I eat lots of greens. She laughed.

Speaking of greens, it bothers me that people say they don’t eat any vegetables. I don’t understand this. I had dinner with a few friends last night and they declared that they don’t do veggies. Do they understand how bad that is. I eat shitloads of veggies everyday. And I may not be the skinniest person in the world, but I’m super healthy. My bloodwork and blood pressure are always perfect. I poop twice a day with no issues. I have great skin and hair. My nails grow like weeds and are strong. I might get 2 pimples a year and they are never more than little tiny bumps. Those few people I know who don’t eat veggies are a freakin mess. They have poop issues. And bad skin. They have brittle hair. I call them “skinny fat”. They might be really skinny, but they are unhealthy. Our bodies need the vitamins and minerals that veggies provide.

I know I know, I just told you all way too much about my poop. Sorry.

I think I might be obsessed with poop. Not in a sexual way (for all of the freaks and assholes who are reading this or searching for people obsessed with poop), but I really think that you can tell a lot about a person from the regularity of their bowel movements. I’m the shit psychic.

Okay, enough of that. I’m being silly.

My sister is having the baby, maybe, on Tuesday. It’s almost a sure thing, they just have to do one more test. I’ll have another little stinky. They’re naming him Colin. I like that name. I will definitely have pictures.

And now, please excuse me for a moment. I have something I need to say to a certain group of people out there. This letter will come across as cocky, conceited, and arrogant but I don’t care. I’m reached my limit. I need to get this out and vent.

***
Dear Weirdo male lurkers,

You never comment on here. You don’t even have a blog. Yet, you feel you need to email me with annoying pictures of your cocks or email me to tell me how much you hate me or, the latest and most annoying, you email me to let me know that you live in DC or Philly or NYC and that we should fuck. Some of you offer to end my dry spell like you’re doing me some huge favor. Seriously? I don’t know you. Why would you think I’d fuck some guy I didn’t know? You gonna pay me? Then don’t flatter yourselves.

Really. If I wanted to end my dry spell, I could anytime I wanted. Trust me on this. Not only that, I’m also too good for you. You aren’t worthy of my fucking gifted, no….prodigal way of fucking. I would make you cry for your mother, for your god even. Don’t doubt that. Okay? I would ruin masturbation for you, I’m that good. If there is anything in this world that I’m 100% sure of, it’s that I am brilliant when it comes to sex. So, why would I grant this gift to you? Even if these emails are a joke (even though I don’t think this is so), it’s wasting my time. Leave me alone.

I’m tired of being harassed and insulted. I’m tired of the strange, somewhat scary, emails. It’s not my problem that your life is filled with mediocrity, so stop emailing me desparate pleas for my company and affection. You’re pissing me off. I don’t think it’s fair that I should feel I have to look over my shoulder everywhere I go because of something you wrote to me.

The kid gloves are off. If you email me again with this bullshit, I will publish the email address and let them at you. I’m done with this.

Best wishes and get some therapy,
Debbie
***
And now we’re going to stroke.

To Do: 1. Get Hobby 2. Floss: I wish I could be this funny. Really, I do. She’s hilarious. And a great writer. This is one example of how fucking funny she is.

Too Disgusting to Contemplate, Too Compelling to Ignore: His life should be a sitcom. He makes me laugh, deep from the belly. The posts about his mother have me peeing myself. Hilarious. Go over. I don’t have one post to point out because it’s all good.

Wait….I’ll Think of Something: This is Katrice. She’s smart, funny, relevant, and charming. Her posts are a nice mix of current events, life stories, and random thoughts. I like her. She’s good people. I love her blog. Go over and read.

Water Water Everywhere: An American in Ireland. Pog is very literary. She’s smart. She’s a good writer. She doesn’t kiss anyone’s ass. She’s got her funny moments. She’s worth a look.

Weekends Off: I can always count on this blog to give me something good to read. Between the people at her job and the evil ex-husband’s wife and the crazy antics, I crack up. Often. Go check her out and be hypnotized by her flashing butt.

Stay tuned for the final stroke next week.

Have a great weekend and please wish me luck on this date. I’m gonna need it.

UPDATE: I’m home from the date. Woo hoo! It went pretty well. He didn’t do anything nuts or say inappropriate things. He was good looking, but not overly so. We only had dinner and drinks because I’m exhausted. Throughout the date, my mother kept calling me because my sister started bleeding again and we were afraid they would perform the C-section tonight. They’re just going to monitor her for now. My date was very patient and considerate about all of this. I felt horribly rude talking on the phone with him there. The night ended in the parking lot of the restuarant with a kiss. He asked me if he could which was very polite. The kiss ruined the whole date though. It was bad. Not one redeeming thing about it. The man is 35, so he should know how to kiss. Am I wrong that the lack of kissing skills bothers me? It turned me off completely. At least the date wasn’t a complete nightmare and this gives me hope.

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…cause I’m so friggin boring.

Let’s see…..Friday night I cooked this dinner. Finished this book (I highly recommend it). I then went to bed at 9.

Saturday was full of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as I’m rewatching all seven seasons because I’m a first class dork. Yes, I still love that show and no, haven’t found a sufficient replacement. Heroes is sort of like my replacement for the X-Files (another show I absolutely loved). I’m in the middle of Season 2 of Buffy at the moment.

I’ve been writing a lot lately. Essays and I’ve also been working on my book (which I’m sure no one will ever read). It’s nice to be so focused at the moment. I’m sure I’ll get sidetracked soon and stop writing. I may post some of the essays to bore you all.

My friend (one that doesn’t live around here anymore) tried to set me up with her brother’s friend. She gave him my phone number (with my permission) and he called me yesterday afternoon. He seemed a bit boring, but nice. We were on the phone for about 10 minutes when I heard a noise. I stopped talking and he apologized. I asked, “Did you just fart?” and he replied, “Yeah, I mean it’s not like there are any ducks around here to blame it on.” And then he started laughing. I hung up. First phone call, 10 minutes in, farting already. I had to have a shot of vodka right at that moment. For the guys that think this is awesome…this was like going on a first date with a great girl and having her take a shit in front of you. Ruins everything.

I went to dinner last night with my dad and his girlfriend. We had over an hour wait and after 3 drinks with no food, I was hammered. I suggested several times that we should get an appetizer at the bar or something, but my dad insisted that we all wait until we get seated. I pigged out. The waiter was horrible. He came over to the table while we were eating our entres to tell us that our meals would be out in a few minutes. I looked up at him like he was retarded and he said, “Oh I didn’t realize you had your food.” We looked at him like he was nuts. The food was great and I woke this morning still full. I had a great time.

My sister has decided to stay in the hospital until she has the baby. Her husband stepped up and insisted that she stay. I’m pleasantly surprised. My mom and stepdad went to Lancaster to see her yesterday and they say that she’s very bored, but well. My mom did report that my brother-in-law, Ryan, was wearing his favorite T-shirt, which says “I love strippers”, at the hospital. Classy huh?

I’m joining the gym this week. This will start the first time in over 3 years I will be weight lifting. I used to be ripped. I’ve always been an athlete and I can’t wait to start back. I know I’ll be sore for some time, but it will be worth it. I used to be addicted to the gym. I used to go 6 days a week lifting weights AND running. I’d also do yoga twice a week. We’ll see how often I go this time. I’m going to start 4 times a week with weights and cardio. I’m going to switch up the cardio between the different machines for a while until the weather changes a bit and then it’s straight up running for cardio. I’m still planning on running the Race for the Cure in May.

I’m going to be meeting Hotdrwife and Fyrchk at the end of February in DC for dinner and I’m really excited. We’re going to have a blast. I’m taking the train in the morning and I may wander around DC for a little bit before meeting up with those two hot mamas, as I love the museums there and rarely get a chance to see them.

And now I shall stroke some people because I forgot to on Friday.

The Postman: Conan doesn’t update much, but he’s worth a visit. He’s in Ireland and he’s busy moving house. He’s got a great sense of humor and he’s fun.

The World According to the Emetic Sage: Get your dictionary, cause you may need it. I’m not sure how to describe this blog. Humor, short story, and editorials on life are what make this blog different. This isn’t a diary blog. But I enjoy the posts and think that Sage is a great writer. Even if he punks out for a few weeks and doesn’t post because he ‘quit’ blogging. Go over there and leave some comments so that he keeps writing. It’s nice to have this unique voice in the blog world. And he’s a hell of a nice guy.

the zoo that is my mind: This blog is unique in that most of the posts are mysterious and intriguing. You understand where she’s coming from without having her write the story of her life. I like that. Go over and check it out.

These Crazy Times: I love JR. She’s great. She’s got some really funny stories about growing up in a small town, as well as some harrowing tales of dating. She’s a great read. I’m hoping that she finds love and success soon. She deserves it.

This Is Not A Love Song: I like ths blog. I like her stories. I like her perspective. She’s funny and intelligent. I’m new to her blog, so I’m discovering her like you all are. Enjoy it.

And that ends this weeks stroking. There will be more on Friday.

Kisses….

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…and what’s going on. I’m in a pissy, hateful, bitchy, skin you alive kind of mood today.

My sister was admitted into hospital yesterday and will be staying there for the duration of her pregnancy. She was bleeding again, worse this time. They say she had a contraction in the middle of the night and that caused the bleeding. Her placenta is pulling away from the uterine wall which is a sign of labor. If she has more contractions she could hemorrhage and bleed to death, so she’s where she needs to be so that if need be they can take the baby whenever they need to. Which means that my nephew could be born anytime now. Hopefully she can hold out until Feb. 16 when she was originally scheduled to have her C-section.

This Sunday is my birthday. Whatever. All my friends…I’m sorry did you not hear me…..ALL MY FRIENDS are busy. ALL OF THEM. Sooooooo, I have to figure out what the fuck to do this weekend to celebrate. If I don’t have plans by tomorrow night, I’m going to egg and toilet paper every single one of my asshole friend’s houses. I think that is more than fair, since I didn’t miss anyone’s birthday this past year and wait….let’s add up the dinner’s, presents, and drinks I went in on because I’m a good friend and care for people….yup, I think they’re getting off easy.

Do you know what one of my biggest pet peeves is? People drinking hot coffee through straws stuck in the sippy hole of the coffee lid. When I see this I want to knock the cup of coffee out of their hands. I’m not sure why this bothers me so much, but it does.

Why does everyone think Scarlett Johanson is such a good actress? I see her in a film and I want her to blow her nose (she always sounds like she’s stuffed up) and get a fucking personality. She’s a charisma bypass. She has the same dead stare and monotone voice in every fucking film she’s in. She’s one of those people who is lucky she’s pretty.

Remember that guy I told you all I had a crush on. Turns out that he’s in the hospital for a little while. Want to know why? Apparently he has genital warts and had an outbreak. To sooth this outbreak he started using a new cream which caused him to have a severe rash. Instead of going directly to the doctor, he let it go figuring it would go away on it’s own. Well, let’s just say my friend was surprised he didn’t need skin grafting to get things back in order in the crotch region. That’s just beyond gross. Don’t people wear condoms?

Did anyone watch Scrubs last night? No? Losers. They had a song on there called Guy Love and it’s the best thing I’ve seen in weeks. Go here to view and I dare you not to laugh.

Before I get to the stroke, I want to let you all in on an idea I have. I think one day each week I’m going to let someone “hijack” my blog. Meaning that someone can send me a post and I’ll put it up on here. The only rule is that it has to be funny. No politics or religion, unless it’s funny. Shit, I’ll even let you do a parody of me if you want. I’m doing this because I know I’m going to be insanely busy for the next couple weeks and I thought this would be fun. So email me your posts.

And now the stroking….

Sector-9: Miss Sarah is one of my first readers. She came from Marcia’s blog. Sarah is like the punkrocker of my blogroll. The anarchist. But with heart. She’s living in Israel and it’s quite amazing to read about current events from someone who lives there and isn’t getting paid by anyone to water it down. She’s a great read and you should go over there and leave a comment. She also posts some yummy recipes.

So this is my life!?!: I work with this lovely lady. She’s a personal friend of mine. Her desk is one row over from mine and if I talk loud she can hear me. Actually, I can hear her talking now. She’s funny and has an adorable 3 year old daughter who talks like she’s 30 years old. This lady knows my sense of humor and oftentimes we get laughing about something so hard that I almost pee my pants. Mostly, we’re laughing at LJ (cubicle neighbor) cause she’s nuts. Go check her out. Her blog is pretty new and she’s just getting into posting often. Leave a comment and say hi.

Softball Slut: The name of the blog makes me laugh. She loves softball. Even more than I ever did. I love her stories of softball games and family and trips. She’s got an adorable kitty. She’s freakin funny. Go check in regularly and you won’t be sorry.

The LJ Hour: This is not my cubicle neighbor, but someone I found in the weirdest of ways. I won’t get into it. But, I love her blog. She’s funny and a seriously talented photographer. Her dog is the cutest little thing. She writes about her life in NYC and her trips everywhere. She’s a big traveler and it’s cool to see the pictures of all of the places she goes and read the stories. Go over there now.

The Pink Shoe: Well now….there would be no Fresh Air Lover if it weren’t for Marcia. She’s a former work colleague and she’s the one who told me to start a blog. And she’s the one who told me to keep on blogging, even when I thought I had nothing to write about. So, if you love this blog you need to thank this little lady. She’s got crafts, food, and wit…oh and shoes…and she’s a good time. I think you should go over there now.

Have a good weekend.

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Five more lovies to stroke:

On Second Thought…: I love Lex. She’s someone who loves food as much as me. People who love food are good people in my book. She’s funny. She brings up great topics. I like how she’s honest about her personal beliefs and that she questions them without losing them. I think she found me, although I’m not sure how. I’m thankful though. She’s a good read, so go.

People, Places & Things That Tend to Annoy Me: Dear god, if you’re thinking it he’s saying it. I appreciate his voice in this retarded little world we live in. I can’t even think of a favorite post because they’re all freakin funny. He’s surly in a good way. Whether it’s his I-pod troubles or paying an extra $2 to park, you’ll laugh. And he gets to smooch Rosiegirl. His tale of his popping the question is adorable. You all need to check him out.

Ramblin’ Rose
: An American living in Oz. She’s a mother and wife with a bit of an edge. I like her because she’s a work in progress. With every post she’s finding her own voice more and more and getting braver in the telling of her story. She almost quit blogging and I’m glad she didn’t. Please check her out. She’s great fun and delightful.

Random Musings: Does this guy like music or does this guy like music? His blog is a mix of music review, family tales, and well….random musings. Go check it.

Random thoughts plotted out daily: Summer is a great gal. She’s funny, smart, and interesting. And I love her template. She may have had the best profile picture ever. Camel toe. Go check her out and let her know how much she rocks.

More stroking on Friday.

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My trip to the dentist was okay. I lived. It didn’t take as long as I thought, which was good. I came home and laid on the couch for a little while, and then felt that I needed to tear apart my apartment and clean it. Oh my, do I love to clean! My apartment is sparkling. I even rearranged my living room.

I did not have the shits today. Thankfully. I did laugh my ass off when I reread the post from last night. I’m such a dork.

And here are some thoughts:

My thoughts on white zinfandel wine:
I know that this might be wrong and snobbish, but when someone orders or offers me white zinfandel wine I immediately turn my nose up and think they are a wuss. Don’t worry, I still love the person. I’m not fickle. This probably means I’m a wine snob. So be it.

My thoughts on giving compliments: I’m not one to give loads of compliments. When I say that I like something or that someone is talented, I really mean it. And when I give someone a compliment, I expect a thank you. I don’t want the person to kiss my feet or declare their undying love for me….just a thank you. That’s all I’m saying. Manners. Common courtesy. It says a lot about a person’s character.

My thoughts on black jeans: Don’t wear them. Buy some black pants. This goes for white, red, purple, green, or brown jeans. The only acceptable color for jeans is blue. This rule is for both men and women.

My thoughts on men who are over 35 who live with their parents: Unless your parents are disabled and you are there for their care, you shouldn’t be living with them at that age. And if you are, please don’t email me for a date. End of story.

My thoughts on women who think that their boyfriends should pay all of their bills because they’re men: Get a fucking job. You ruin men for us responsible women who respect the men in our lives.

My thoughts on people that appear on Judge Judy: Keep fucking up because it’s highly entertaining.

Now, the massive 15 person stroke.

i’m okay, you’re okay: Duckie is cool. He has a funny outlook on life. He is self-deprecating, but not too much. He has gorgeous children. He’s a great artist, so go check out his artsy blog too. I think he found my blog first, but I don’t know from where. Go visit him.

Island Spice: She makes me laugh, hard. I picture her as this exotic beauty who has houseboys beating the gorgeous men wanting her away with a stick. My favorite post is this one, where I believe I laughed so hard I shot water out of my nose. Please check her out. She’s worth it.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls: He’s a fairly new reader. This blog is a nice mix of sports, humor, reviews, and opinion. He’s funny. He’s a regular commenter here. I think he came from Lozo, but I’m not sure. You need to go over and check him out.

Kat’s Peanut Head
: Another newish reader. She always has great comments. She just started a new job so go over and congratulate her. I like her. She’s good people.

Kav’s Blog: I have no words. He’s one of my favorite bloggers. He makes me laugh before I even start reading his posts. I’m not sure if he found me or I found him. I’m pretty sure half of my blogroll links to him and with good reason. He knows how to write in a way that makes you feel like you’re right there experiencing life with him. He is one of the funniest commenters around. I swear, I’m jealous of his wit. His children are gorgeous. His wife is gorgeous. They’re all gorgeous. If you haven’t visited him, go now.

Let me say this..: She was one of my first readers. She works at the same company I do. She’s a great person and a friend. Go see her.

Lilium Inter Spinas
: This is one of my favorite blogs. She’s a great writer, photography, dog and cat mommy, etc…. I’m pretty sure I’ve like all of her posts and that if she lived closer to me we’d be friends. She just recently cut her gorgeous hair and it looks adorable. These are my favorite posts…this, this, this, and this. Her HNT’s are also very beautiful and tasteful. She’s an awesome blogger and one of my blog gal’s. Kisses.

Liz’s Fun Time Happy Hour: This women is my friend. My buddy. My soul sister. I love her. Seriously, I do. I can’t even pick out a favorite post because I just love her. She was one of my first readers. She is funny and smart and beautiful and just plain awesome. She’s had to make some tough life decisions lately and I’m proud of her. Go see her and say hi.

Looking for Sunshine: Another one of my first readers. I love her blog because she’s smart and writes about topics that are interesting. She’s funny and creative. Go check her out and see for yourself.

Margaritaville: Oh, this chickie rocks. I love her. She’s fucking funny. Hilarious. She’s a sweetie. Someday I will get on a bus or train to see her. She’s not that far away. She is a firefighter, so she saves lives which is just awesome. You have go see her.

Marriage Misadventure!: He is sexy. He has a sexy wife. They have sexy sex. You need to go see for yourself.

Miserable People: This is Shadowdog. This blog is a book he’s writing that covers 365 consecutive days. It’s really good. He also has another blog that’s worth checking out too, MP Extras. Get comfortable and go to his site. You’ll enjoy it.

Much Ado about sumthin!: I found this blog through Lozo. Dear lord, she is fucking funny. Hilarious. Hysterical. Goofy. Charming. Smart. Creative. Her blog has quickly become one of my favorites. I have no words that will do her justice, just go over there.

My Bottom Smarts: This is a blog about spanking. Tastefully, artfully, intelligently done. I love Bonnie. If you are curious about spanking or someone who is into spanking and want to find a community that embraces you, you should check her out.

Phew! That was a lot of stroking. I hope you all do check these blogs out.

And now, I’m going to drink some wine and relax.

Have a great weekend!

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Ugh. I’m finished my holiday shopping. And the wrapping. And the decorating of my apartment and I even put lights up outside. Fuck yeah!

I don’t have much to report in but the holiday stuff. I did have dinner with the old lady next door last night and it was really nice. She gave me a bottle of Bailey’s for Christmas and I’m on my second glass tonight.

I’ve been watching TBS all day, as they’re playing The Lord of the Rings trilogy today and I’ve been watching since the beginning. I love these books and I love these movies. So, I’ll be in Middle Earth for a few hours more and then I’ll go to bed and probably dream of Legolas making sweet love to me in the middle of Rivendell. There is something about a man with elf ears, huh? Just me….oh okay.

I’m going to my sister’s in Lancaster, PA on Thursday for a few days. She can’t travel due to the complications she’s having with her pregnancy. I’m excited to see her. I haven’t seen her in a while and I miss her. I’m going to help her clean her house and go grocery shopping for her because she is on bed rest and her husband has to work double shifts all week.

Here are some pictures of the Christmas fun from this weekend.


Stella’s stocking.


My “Charlie Brown” Christmas tree.


All of the presents wrapped.


Yummy clementine.

And now onto my stroking….I’m highlighting five blogs now because it’s going to take forever to get to the end just stroking three, and well I just can’t wait that long to stroke Lozo, I can’t lie (hee hee). Anyhow, here they are and can I admit that these are five of some of my favorite people around:

Enough Already!: Miss Thang herself, MG. She’s not so mean. I found her from a blogger I won’t mention ever again here. And I think she’s the only woman I’d let kiss me. Hee hee. I can’t believe I wrote that. Wait, yes I can. This is her second blog and she’s worth a peak. Not only is she funny and sexy, I love when she goes on a rant.

from the neck up: Oh Rosie! I love this girl. She’s Annoyed’s better half (he’d even say that) and I found her from his blog. She’s a great writer and I swear sometimes she’s my long lost sister. She thinks like me. She has great stories and great perspective and she knows something about life, which I think is very important. She’s also very brave and I have a lot of respect for her. So, go check her out and laugh very hard at this.

Green Apple Martini: I found HDW the same day I found Laurie’s blog. Laurie was yelling about a woman stealing HDW’s template and I clicked over and haven’t stopped since. I don’t know if I can give this blog or HDW any justice. She’s just the definition of class, wit, intelligence, love, warmth, and irony. I think Laurie said it best when she said that HDW has a way of writing about life that is funny without being snarky. I love HDW. She is one of the few bloggers I have met in person. I wish I lived closer to her, and some of you other bloggers, because she is all goodness and I need some of it to rub off on me. She’s a great friend and I need everyone to go over to her blog and see what blogging is about. She does it perfectly. Smooches sweetie!

High Desert Diva’s Dive: Another lovely lady I found from the unmentionable blogger. She loves food as much as I do. She’s a professional chef. A great writer. I wish I thought of some of her ideas for stories. She’s clever and witty and extremely intelligent. She has the cutest daughter. Please go check her out. I’m serious about how good she is. She’s also an awesome person.

hotwire reality: He’s one of my first readers. He’s got a great blog. He’s a talented writer and an amazing artist. Check this out. He has a way of making you breathe in the warm air of nostalgia in a way that few people I know can. He has a great point of view that makes for interesting posts. He’s good people and once you go to his blog, you’ll link him and be hooked. So, go already!

I updated The Home Cook (three dip recipes) and Coquettishly (anal sex) tonight as well.

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Let’s see, what’s been happening with me.

Yesterday was the crappy day. I carpool with my mom and woke up to my cell ringing. I answer it and she’s yelling, “Where the hell are you?” and I look at the clock and say, “Oh no, my alarm didn’t go off. I’ll be there in five minutes.” I hate driving and wasn’t about to drive myself to the train. I peed, wiped my face off with a wet washcloth, put on dirty jeans and a dirty shirt, grabbed my sneakers and a pair of socks, threw food in Stella’s bowl, and ran out of the door. Got to the CVS parking lot and trotted across in my bare feet with no coat and hair all over the place. My mother was laughing so hard she was crying. I got into the car and tried to make my hair somewhat okay by licking my palm to smooth it. It didn’t work. I have curly hair and it gets nuts when I sleep on it. I put it in a ponytail and that’s where it stayed. I got to work and realized I looked like a zombie, so I put some blush on. I couldn’t care less about the puffy eyes or dark circles. I need coffee. Bad. I got a giant coffee and opened my email to 71 messages of pure hell and people messing up my perfect organized system. Organization has become much more important to me, as I’m now working on 3 monthly publications that range from 180-200 pages each.

My sister is having a boy. My dad cried. My mom is really excited. Now she wants a grand-daughter. I was told that it’s up to me to provide one for her. I kindly informed her that it would probably help if I was in some sort of stable relationship with someone who wanted kids and wasn’t a prick. She told me that I might be onto something. I told her she might be on something. We had a nice chuckle.

My company’s Christmas party is this afternoon. Last year it was held at a really shitty venue. They didn’t have enough food and the drinks sucked. The year before I witnessed two inappropriate hook-ups between co-workers, one of which involved dry humping against a wall and lots of sloppy making out (I couldn’t stop staring) and then after the party we went to a colleagues house for more drinking and ended up watching two co-workers wrestle each other naked. They were male co-workers. They were very hairy. Three years ago, I was so drunk I pissed myself walking across the parking lot of the train station. So, stay tuned for more fun stories. Who knows what could happen. The party is back at our normal place this year. I blew out my hair for this party, so something good better happen.

I was tagged for the first time in the history of my blog by Jessica. Here it is.

According to the rules. Each player of this game lists 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write a blog post of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. When I go to people’s houses, I have to look in their refrigerator. Every time. I do this without thinking. Most of the time, I don’t even want anything from the frig. I’m just nosy.

2. I can’t go to sleep at night unless everything is straightened up and all of the dishes are washed. That means the pillows on the couch have to be fixed, the throw folded, and etc…

3. I always drink a huge glass of whole milk in the morning right when I wake up. I’ve been doing this since I was a little girl. I must do this before I have coffee or breakfast.

4. Unless I’m working out, I don’t ever leave my house in any kind of sweatpants, yoga pants, knit gaucho pants, fleece pants, etc. I will put on a pair of jeans to go to the store or anywhere for that matter.

5. I’m obsessive about my skin care and have been taking special care of my skin, especially the skin on my face, since I was 16 years old. I have never slept with makeup on. I could be shitfaced drunk and still wash my face thoroughly (wash, tone, eye cream, moisturize) before passing out. I have no wrinkles, no ruddiness or redness, no pimples (I might get one once every 6 months or so), no roughness. My skin is baby soft as a result of this and if I have any say, it’s always going to be like this.

6. I hate driving. Anywhere. For any reason. I will sweet talk you until you agree to pick me up. I’ll even give you gas money. Shit, if you’re my boyfriend I’ll even offer to give you a blowjob while you’re driving as long as you pick me up at my house. I really hate it.

I have no idea who to tag, so I won’t tag anyone. If you want to do this, then go ahead.

Now onto my stroking:

Diary of the Nello: She was one of my first readers. She’s hysterical. And she has two of the cutest kids in the world. She hasn’t been posting much, but she’s worth checking out. She also designs websites and such. Shextremelyemly talented.

Dim City: He is hysterical. His post about MySpace is one of the best things I’ve ever read in the blogworld. He’s a great writer and has great perspective. Go check him out.

Edtime Stories: Oh, erotic stories that will make you squirm in your seat. Check his site out and I promise you’ll enjoy it.

More stroking will come next Friday.

Enjoy your weekend and lots of hugs and kisses.

Oh, and go vote for HDW at Green Apple Martini for Weblog Award for Best Diarist. She is a sweetheart and deserves it.

UPDATED: Four gasses of wine adn 5 shots of grey goose vokda.a I’m fuked. I \ca’t freel my feet. my jommom had to drive me home becauaee I’m not lable. No hoodkups. No whatever. I danced mmy ass off. Eveyroel loved my hair becuae they couldj’t get over how straight hit was and how long it is. Where the hell ws judy? I broke it down when the bpklayed PYT by micheale jackxon. Yes, peo;ple i can dance lieka motherfucker. i gottta go because i feel liek it’m boihng to jpuke. I’m going to go tto bed now. bye;ee.

UPDATED: \Drink more or sober up? Thjat’s the queistion.

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