Fresh’s Ego Stroke Part Tois—UPDATED

It’s black friday and guess what Debbie won’t be doing…what? You don’t know? I won’t be shopping, silly. No way. Those people are crazy.

I just realized that my birthday is in less than two months. Shit.

I went to a new level of dorky when I made a page for Stella on Catster. Yeah.

I will be updating Coquettishly later today, as I actually have two questions to answer. Love it.

I’m watching What Not to Wear and I think I might need to be nominated. I need Stacy and Clinton’s help. I do.

Thanksgiving was good. And kind of fun. Dinner was really yummy. And I had my favorite dessert….hot apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Yummy!!!!

1. Went out to breakfast with my mom and stepdad at a classic NJ diner. The waitress was about 70 years old with a deep cigarette voice and a beehive featuring a huge red bow in the back and wearing a gingham Santa apron. This is what I love about NJ diners. There is always one waitress that is like this.
2. I love going out to breakfast. It’s my favorite.
3. My mom tells me that my asshole stepbrother (remember, he’s 38 living with my mom and stepdad for free because he refuses to pay rent and treats both of them like shit) won’t help my stepdad rake up the leaves in the backyard. My stepdad is 64 and is about to have knee replacement surgery. I volunteered to help out today.
4. Got home from breakfast and laid on my couch. Huge mistake. Fell asleep.
5. Woke up and went over to my dad’s for dinner. I was pissed at my dad because the night before he was giving my pregnant sister a hard time about all of the complications she’s having with the pregnancy. He says it’s in her head. Typical dad.
6. Dinner was really good. One gross thing happened. My dad’s girlfriend’s daughter put a pile of turkey on her plate, got up, and brought a jar of mayo to her plate, then proceeded to smear half of the jar all over her turkey. I gagged.
7. We played board games after dinner. One thing that irritates me about playing board games is that when you play a difficult one, the people who can’t answer the questions or have to think really hard about the questions always want to give up and play something else. I say, step the fuck up. It’s not my fault you don’t read, or educate yourself, or know things. I wanted to play Trivial Pursuit and we only got halfway into it.
8. Why do I always get the sports questions right when I never watch sports or care about sports? Weird.
9. I had two pieces of pie, pumpkin and apple. I was so stuffed I felt sick. I’d say that it was a successful Thanksgiving.
10. Got home last night in time to watch Grey’s Anatomy and it was a very good episode.

Now the stroking:

Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper: I can’t remember how I found this blog, but Crystal is hysterical. Honestly, she cracks me up. Right now she’s pregnant and I didn’t know that pregnancy could be so damn funny. Her stories about her neighbors, kids, husband, and job are well-written and I think it’s her writing ability that makes her so easy to relate to. I love her Burger King stories.

Captain & Coke with a Lime: April is a rockstar. Really. She is. She’s sexy, beautiful, smart, strong, and funny. She’s been through a lot and yet still has her sense of humor. Oh, and she attracts the same types of guys I do. She’s another woman who I know I’d be friends with if she lived closer. Go check her out.

Clumsy Cajun: Another sassy lady who is pregnant. I love her dogs. They’re so cute. She has a baby blog which is really good too, go here to read it.

I should probably go get dressed now. I don’t feel like it. I’m feeling so lazy. I have to be at my mom’s at 1PM to rake those leaves. I want to stay in my snuggly jammies for the whole day. Oh, the dream’s we have huh?

UPDATE: I spent 3 hours raking my mom and stepdad’s backyard by myself because my stepdad is really sick. This means I not only raked, but had to bag the leaves myself because the township already picked up the leaves by the curb. And my stepdad’s leaf-blower is broken. I get no breaks, huh? Three hours, sixteen bags of leaves, two blisters, and one sore body later the yard was finished. I did half of this shit without gloves because I didn’t know there were any. My stepdad told me where the gloves were after I places a particularly wet and slimy pile of leaves in a bag. My mom couldn’t help me because she’s just had surgery a month and a half ago. Oh, and where was my fucker stepbrother? Up in his bedroom the whole time. I hate him. So, I’ve decided I’m buying my stepdad a new super-duper leaf-blower next year and shove the his old one up my stepbrother’s ass. Sounds good to me.

I just took a hot bath to calm my raging muscles and I’m in my fluffy robe. Now, if only I had a masseuse here. Oh, the blissful state I would be in…I wouldn’t even be able to put words to it.

Coquettishly is updated. And now I’m going to relax and do nothing for the rest of the night.

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Fresh’s Ego Stroke: Part Deux

I stayed home again today. I made the mistake of going into work yesterday and it was hell. After sleeping for most of today, I’m up and feel better. I have to run a few errands this evening when I find the energy to shower and get dressed.

I was supposed to go out tonight, but I’m going to do the smart thing and stay in and get better some more. I really feel like cleaning, so that’s probably what I’ll be doing. I’m also making myself a very good dinner of baked chicken with a sage white sauce, garlic cheesy mashed potatoes, and green beans.

Tomorrow I’m having dinner guests. On the menu is pasta primavera with lemon chicken. I know it’s not spring, but it’s so easy to make and I can spend time with my guests instead of being in the kitchen the whole time they’re here. Along with the pasta and chicken, I’m making my famous garlic and cheese bread. And my cheesecake for dessert. Of course wine will be flowing freely. It should be fun.

Sunday, I’m making ravioli lasagna. I’m back into my cooking mood. It’s about time as it’s been weeks since I’ve felt like really cooking. I might make something a day here or there, but I’m usually making wonderful meals all of the time.

Onto the stroking:

B.Y.O.B eh!: I’ve only been reading her blog for a few months, but I’m glad I do. Between her stories of her ex and her kids, to her new job, or apartment hunting–everything is interesting and you’re always routing for her.

Beauty and the Beer: If you asked me which blog was one of my favorites on my blogroll, this blog would be one of them. I found this gem by hitting the next blog button and the first post I ever read was this one, where some woman stole HotDrWife’s template. Of course, I got right in there and wrote to the thief. I’ve been reading Laurie and HotDrWife ever since. It was after reading Laurie for a couple weeks that I realized that my blog sucked and I needed to do better. She is a pro. Most of the time, her blog is snarky and there’s lots of cussing and ranting and shanking. But the real gems are when Laurie opens up and talks about her mother (who has battled breast cancer), her daughters (gorgeous girls), or some difficult times in her life. These posts not only show her depth as a person, but her depth as a writer. Her tribute to her 9/11 victim brought tears to my eyes. She’s an amazing writer, a wonderful mother, a great friend, and gorgeous. Seriously people, she’s the shit. Some of my favorite posts, and she knows which ones they are, are this and this. I almost pissed myself. This woman has been a continued inspiration to me and has reminded me several times when I feel too much pressure from this blog or people reading this blog have become too mean that I don’t get paid to do this and to keep being myself. This might sound a bit nutty, but if I lived near this woman I would do my best to make her my friend. There aren’t too many people who are as special as this lady pirate.

blog Portland: I believe Jay was my first male reader. Actually, he’s one of my first reader’s ever. He might be one of the funniest commentors ever. His blog is hilarious. He’s got that dry humor that I love. One of my favorites is about parenting and another one is about eating contests. He doesn’t post that much, so when he does it’s a treat. He talks about everything and is a very good writer. Check him out.

I’ll be stroking the next three next Friday.

Have a great weekend everyone!!!! Kisses.

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Fresh’s Ego Stroke: Part Une

I wanted to thank everyone for writing comments on the last post and giving that girl your support and kind words. From what I can see on my statcounter, she hasn’t been on my site yet so I left the link to yesterday’s post where she left her question. Fingers crossed that she sees it and gets some help.

Now, I have a few things I have to say and complain about before we get to the stroking.

1. I need men to explain something to me. Why can’t a woman smile and nod her head at you in recognition without you thinking she wants to bone you? There’s a guy (we’ll call NN, as he has a very nasty nose) who rides the same train with me morning and afternoon. Last Friday, NN was talking to my co-worker (P) and P introduced me to NN. I didn’t talk to NN much, just wished P a good weekend and went about my business. So, this past Tuesday afternoon I was waiting to get the train and I see NN walking by me and I smile and nod. NN looks at me like I’m a freak which is fine since I don’t really know him and if he’s ignorant that’s his problem. Yesterday, I see P as I was walking to get the train and he told me that NN is freaked out by me because I was smiling at him and he’s married. I was like, “Um, okay” until P explains that NN told him that I liked him and that he thought it was rude since I had to know he was married. Huh? Who the fuck said I liked him? Are we in the 2nd grade? I roll my eyes and P laughed pretty hard. We get down to the train and NN is there. I wink at P and tell him I’m going to stand somewhere else because I don’t want NN to think I’m standing near him because I want to jump his bones. P tells NN that I’m not interested in him and that I now think he’s an asswipe (I love my co-worker, he’s hysterical). P told me this when I got off of the train. This morning, I’m waiting for the train and NN tries to converse with me. Oh fuck no. I look right at him and say, “Too late to be nice to me, just fuck off and annoy someone else with your over-inflated ego.”
2. I’m really annoyed by people who say they are giving you advice and guidance when they are really just criticizing you. Yesterday while I was trying to genuinely help someone, a dumbass commented on here that because of the content of this blog, my advice was a conflict of interest. And then he tries to explain that in saying that he was just trying to help in case future employers are looking at this blog (I erased that comment because I was done arguing when there should have been words of encouragement to a girl). Huh? How the fuck would future employers find this blog and know it’s mine? This is a personal blog where my identity is kept a secret, not a blog that I’m going to put on my resume. I swear the lack of common sense in some people is really sad. Just because you’re an idiot doesn’t mean that I am and that I would put a blog where I talk about getting fucked up the ass out there for my future employers. I’m not going to take much more time with this because I know that stupid people have a lot of trouble understanding things and I don’t want to confuse that one dumbass by saying too much since I know he’ll be reading this post, as he has been stalking my blog since yesterday (I see you coming from April’s blog, fucker).
3. I’m tired of putting up with assholes who make rude/insulting comments to me on this blog or email rude/insulting things to me about my character. Gloves are off. I’m sick of being nice and polite. If you are an ignorant prick, you are going to get your ass raped by me verbally. Understand? I’ve had it. My one piece of advice is that if you don’t have anything constructive or relevant or funny to add to the conversation, just shut the fuck up. If you don’t like me, go away. Emailing me and telling me what a rotten person I am isn’t going to make me feel bad about myself. I know who and what I am. So do most of the reader’s here. I’m sick of being harassed by these self-righteous judgmental cunts.
4. I’m been in a funk. I just don’t feel like working out. I’ve only worked out 1 day a week for the past two weeks. That’s bad for me. I hate feeling this lazy. Maybe it’s because of it getting dark earlier, but I have to get motivated.

Now, onto the Ego Stroke:

Almost Infamous: Oh, Dark Damian is a fucking rockstar. If you don’t believe me, check out his blog and see that he plays bass in a band (and they’re really good). I told you, rockstar indeed. I found DD by way of Laurie (Beauty and the Beer) in March 2006. This is the first post of his I ever read. I laughed my ass off, but it wasn’t until he gave me some encouraging words when I got my asshole ripped open by those bitches at I Talk 2 Much who only read one of my posts and judged my whole life. Ever since, he’s been on my blogroll. You must tune in every Wednesday to read his Diatribes and check in with him often to see his and Laurie’s genius banter in the comments. Seriously people, the two of them need to have a talkshow because they are hilarious. Don’t interrupt them though, cause you’re just going to ruin it. I like when people let them go. I guest-posted on HotDrWife’s blog with DD, Laurie, and Fyrchk. He is also a father of two adorable kids and a husband. I’m very glad to have DD as a blog friend and keep an eye out for his band on here for information. I recently heard them play online where they kicked ass.

An Oxymoron Is No An Idiot With Zits: I also found Certifiable Princess (CP) by way of Laurie. She guest posted on Laurie’s blog and I almost pissed my pants. This woman is one of the special people of the world. She is compassionate, funny, informed, and loving. I don’t even think any words can give her blog justice, go read it. From beginning to end. She’s a great writer and at some points has made coffee shoot out of my nose from her stories. She is a survivor and I am inspired by her at least once a week.

B!tch on the Street: This chicky was one of my first readers. I can’t remember how I found her or she found me, I think it was through Marcia (The Pink Shoe). Her candid pictures of the happenings around NYC are fucking hysterical sometimes. Her and her sidekick Pookie’s commentary is also quite funny. My favorite posts are that of the mysterious Watermelon Woman and this post which I still have a chuckle about.

Tune in next Friday when I give the next three blogs a shout.

Have a great weekend and love you guys.

Smooches.

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