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Archive for the ‘Grrrrr’ Category

What a fucking week. Or two weeks. Or something like that.

I feel like I’ve lived ten lives from then until now.

This past weekend was filled with fun, not really. Two baby showers, an emergency vet visit, running retarded errands for my dad, picking up things like baby shower cakes, and generally losing my mind.

Friday night, I accompanied the old lady next door to Trader Joe’s. She seemed quite agitated and was driving like a nut. I found myself bracing for an accident several times. She always insists on driving and this time was terrible. She was going so fast, I kept asking her what was wrong and she told me nothing. We were in Trader Joe’s for about 10 minutes. She wanted to get in and get out. We then stopped at Boscov’s and I started to get annoyed. First she looked at furnature, next she looked at bedding. Taking her own sweet time. I was so damn tired. I could hardly pay attention to anything. All I wanted to do is go home.

I finally got back around 9, exhausted and stressed out from the crazy driving. I had trouble falling asleep because I kept thinking about my horribly busy weekend and how I wouldn’t have a moment to myself.

The first baby shower was on Saturday. It was for my great-aunt’s grand-daughter’s baby. Yeah, a little distant. My mom is very close to this aunt, so I went. I hate baby showers. Did I ever mention this? Hate them.

I got to see some of my more loser’ish relatives. Like my second cousin, Linda, who has been in and out of mental health hospitals and rehab clinics for years. She tried to kill her mother a few years ago. Stabbed her. She doesn’t have a tooth in her mouth and wasn’t wearing a bra, so her tits were at her stomach. I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. Ding dong ding dong they went. And she brought her mother to the shower. Her mother, my great-aunt, is 80 and she can hardly walk. Linda didn’t even make sure her mother’s hair was combed or that her mother was bathed. My aunt smelled and it upset me. Not that my aunt is a stellar person. Her second husband molested all of her children and she knew about it. He then molested all of her grandchildren and she knew about that too. She actually defended him for years. She’s also very mean to the family. So, I guess she’s getting hers. I just hate when old people aren’t taken care of no matter how rotten their souls are.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I was late for the shower because I had to take Stella Marie to the vet for a butt issue. She had been scooting on the rug and licking her poopy (my word for my kitty’s ass) for a couple days and when I checked it out on Friday morning, it was horribly red and inflamed. To vet we go. My appointment was at 11:30 AM and I didn’t see the doctor until 1 PM. Apparently there was an emergency surgery being performed. A boxer ate a pair of g-string underwear. I guess we should listen to our mothers and put our underwear in the hamper, huh?

So, back to Stella. The doctor informs me that Stella needs her anal glands drained and a rectal exam. They take her in the back and the next thing I hear is my Stella Marie screaming. After about 10 minutes, the vet tech brings my poor kitty back in the room. Poor Stella looked harrassed and pissed off. The doctor came in and said that one of her glands was as hard as wax, but she drained it and that she should feel better soon. They shaved her ass and that’s why she was screaming. They sent me home with some powder to squirt on her poopy. That’s a fun time. I have to follow her around and catch her with her tail up, then squirt. I can’t describe what a joy it is.

After the shower, I had to pick up my dad’s girlfriend. Yes, he has a new girlfriend. Don’t get me started on this topic. Why can’t he find someone normal? He’s always picking these woman with mammoth problems. I don’t have the energy to comment on it right now. As I’m driving the girlfriend, who smells like stale cigarettes and perfume, my dad keeps calling me over and over again. What the fuck, right? It got to the point where I was yelling at him. They changed the law regarding driving and talking on cell phones in NJ. You can get pulled over and ticketed if the cops see you driving while on the phone. You can use hands-free, but I don’t have one yet. My dad is a cop…he knows I’m fucking driving and that I don’t have hands-free, and he keeps calling me. I truly believe I almost had an aneurysm from my annoyance. I got to his house and he says, “I just wanted to make sure you picked up my precious cargo.” I guess he meant the girlfriend because he was pointing at her. No, not me, the fruit of his loins…his fucking new girlfriend. Let’s change the subject.

Sunday was my little sister’s baby shower. She looks absolutely adorable. The shower was very nice and I didn’t know anyone but my sisters, my ex-stepmother, my mom, my dad, and my dad’s girlfriend. My ex-stepmother had no idea what she was doing, so my sister and I took over. She got some nice gifts and I’m really excited for my niece to come into the world.

So, that was my weekend.

A few things I’m thinking about right now:

  1. Ewan McGregor is my fantasy right now. He’s just dreamy.
  2. I just realized how long it’s been since I’ve had sex. Bummer.
  3. I think I may have a hairline fracture in my heel. It’s been killing me for over a month now and running isn’t really helping it. Duh.

Update: I just reread that post and holy shit…I wrote like a retard. I’m sorry for all of the typos and stuff. I was watching TV and trying to write at the same time. This is something I obviously can’t do.

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Here’s one of my famous numbered lists. I haven’t done a random thoughts post in a very long time, but there’s some shit I need to work out on this here blog.

  1. Is it wrong to want to kill everyone in Kmart? I went to Kfart this evening to pick up some stuff and it was like a retard parade. Retards with their kids running all over the fucking store, banging into me, stepping on my feet, and getting in my way. Listen, I love kids. I really do. I hope to have a few stinkies myself, but holy shit. Keep them under control. Oh, and when someone says ‘excuse me’ it means they have to get by you. This sometimes means that you need to move your ass. It’s not the other person’s fault if you are too fat to move to the side. Either hurry the fuck up with whatever you’re doing or back the fuck up so that the other person can get by. Seriously.
  2. I understand that there are some of us in the blog world who have lots of readers and comments and whatnot. But I think it’s ridiculous to act like a pompous bastard because of this. Especially when you haven’t been on your game for several months. You’re just writing about boring shit and inside jokes that no one gets or cares about. And all of your readers are just little ‘Heathers’ agreeing with everything you say and telling you how funny you are and how cute you are and how cool you are and how you’re just the bestest and……………FUCK. I’m sorry to say that I’m bored to tears by you lately. And those followers of yours are even more boring than you are. It’s a shame because I once loved you and now I’m at a loss at what to say. You’re slipping, my friend. Get off your high horse and start writing like you might have some people left to impress. Cockiness is one of the ugliest traits a person can have and trust me when I say that it doesn’t look good on you. I hate to be the one to tell you that you are not the best at what you do. The title of this post was for you…come on down off of there. I’m dead serious. You’re becoming tedious.
  3. After I finish reading the Harry Potter series again, I’m on book 5, I have to take a seriously long break. I have a pile of books to read that is higher than my bedside lamp. I just keep buying books and books and books, and then they sit there because I decided to read Harry Potter from start to finish. Sigh.
  4. I drove by a house today and they already had Christmas decorations up. I made a face as I drove by and said “Fuck you”. I also gave the house the finger when coming home. I feel that my job is done for now, but I will continue to give the house the finger until Thanksgiving. I felt like egging them. Or the good old poo in a fire bag prank. I’m too lazy to do either, but I got a good chuckle thinking about it.
  5. I’ve been having the weirdest dreams lately. Stranger still is the fact that I can remember these dreams when I first wake up and then cannot seem to recall them hours later.
  6. One of my exes keeps writing to me that we should get together for some ‘fun’. Why don’t people just come right out and say, “Wanna get together and fuck with no strings or commitments?” I find I take offense any time a guy writes that he wants to have fun or thinks I’m fun. It’s the same with calling me sexy or cutie or shit like that. You know how they do….”Hey Sexy, you sound like a lot of fun.” Nothing dries me up quicker. My name is Debbie. Miss Debbie if you’re nasty. Hee hee…I just made myself laugh.
  7. God, my feet look good.
  8. I’m watching the Wizard of Oz right now and I love it.
  9. Is it just me or do you think that Tom Cruise makes whatever movie he’s in a little worse? I want to see Lions for Lambs. I think it looks like a great movie and yet Tom Cruise is in it and I just know that every time he’s in a scene I’ll want to give the screen the finger. He should retire.
  10. And finally, I have to say that writing a book is difficult. Not the whole writing part, but the being honest part. I’m not going to talk about what my book is about, but there are moments when the main character is so much me that I get overcome with emotion. The more I write and uncover, the more I have to look inward. Even more than I already do. It’s always worth it though.

That’s all for now. I posted a video of one of my favorite songs below to make up for yesterday’s lack of a post. I’m really trying to keep my promise.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Put’em up, put’em up.

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I chopped my hair off. I sat down and said, “Cut the fucking mop to my chin.” And she did. I. Fucking. Love. It. Of course one of my male friends expressed extreme disappointment. I told him that he has to get over it. Why do men love long hair on women? Do they realize how much fucking work it is?

They probably love when a women runs her hair up and down his body. Whatever. Close your eyes and let her get a feather duster. Same thing.

I’ll take a picture of the new cut sometime next week. I always like to give a new haircut a week to settle.

I’m not cutting the crotch out of a pair of $70 stockings no matter how much they bind my ass and suffocate my cunt. If I cut a hole, I know that the fucker would run and my stockings would be ruined. I don’t have the money to replace these stockings every fucking week. Unless you people would like to click on the ‘Donate’ button and help a woman out.

The first thing when I got home today was tear my clothes off and lay on my bed free as a bird. It was glorious. Then I remembered I had to pee really bad. I lost the carefree moment after that so I put some clothes on. It was chilly anyhow.

I was thinking about the Pilot today. I haven’t heard from him in so long and I wish that things were different between us sometimes. It’s taken a long time to get to a place where I respect myself enough not to compromise what I want. Yet, I often think about how easy it would be to just throw all of that self-respect and ‘standards’ shit away and just be with him. Or anyone. The Pilot is not good for me. I know this and yet…

I go back and forth until I realize how unhappy I would eventually end up if I put my standards and wants to the side. It would be like going backwards. And remember, I said it’s all about progress. Life, love, dreams, standards, health, intelligence. If I’m not moving ahead, then I might as well give the fuck up and lie down and die. I can’t allow myself to go backward.

But, sometimes I slip. In my daydreams. In the nighttime dreams. That line between doing what’s easy instead of what is right for you. Always there. In everything we do.

Maybe I’m just lonely. It happens, you know?

To remind myself about what I want, I wrote a list. I’m cool like that. I published this list once a long time ago and I’ve included it here again because I think I need to be reminded of the things I really want and who I really am. Getting to the life you want is hard, but it’s better than settling.

Anyhow, this is my “List for Life”. I use this list to keep myself in check. It applies to lovers, friends, family, etc. Enjoy.

1. I want love and comfort. I want to be a wife. I want to be a mother.
2. I will never like or love you as much as I love myself and I expect you to love yourself that much too.
3. I want to laugh at least every hour.
4. I want someone to say goodnight to.
5. I want respect, common courtesy, and manners.
6. I want to be serious.
7. I don’t want be used or toyed with.
8. I want to be kissed on my neck, right below my left ear, every morning.
9. I don’t want you to cheat on me. Ever. I will never forgive it. And yes, I am a hypocrite.
10. Understand that I will need to be alone sometimes and that it has nothing to do with you.
11. I won’t tolerate ignorance. It’s poison to me. I will dump you on the spot.
12. I won’t tolerate being made a fool.
13. If you are pursuing me and you are serious about it, then you shouldn’t be seeing any other women (by ‘seeing’ I mean—kissing, holding hands with, touching the small of her back, smelling her hair, hugging for any other reason other than hello or goodbye). If you are, then you should forget about me.
14. You can expect me to obey #13 too.
15. I need a lot of sex. It’s just who I am. Some people eat a lot of chocolate. I need sex like that.
16. Try not to lie to me. I will try not to lie to you.
17. If you don’t like what I’m doing, tell me at the time. I will do the same. Holding anger in is not good.
18. I want to sit in silence. Comfortable silence.
19. I’m not so tough. I pretend to be. It’s called self-preservation. And it’s an act that I shouldn’t get away with. It’s good to be vulnerable sometimes and you must know me well enough to call me out on this.
20. I’m stubborn. And impatient. And sometimes a bitch.
21. I’m loyal to a fault. I’m protective. I will rip the skin off of anyone who hurts someone I love.
22. I’m hardly ever in a bad mood. I may act cranky or stressed out, but it’s never that deep. I’m usually laughing about it in 5 minutes.
23. I am not a push-over. Never mistake me for that.
24. I’m smarter than I let on. Trust me on this.
25. I might be smarter than you. You will have to be okay with this.
26. The only time I get embarrassed or really scared is when I talk about my feelings or my emotions or when someone gives me presents that are meaningful. Almost nothing else bothers me. Ask me if I love you and I might have a heart attack. Ask me about my bowel movements, I’ll give you my schedule. Give me flowers and I might pass out. Give me a dildo and I might give a demonstration on how to give good head…understand?
27. I am a very giving person. I’m always happiest when I can give someone something special. I like giving cards for no reason and leaving notes around or sending sweet things threw the mail. Of course, I’m an emotional retard when someone does the same for me.
28. I swear a lot. This should not bother you. I know in which social situations I have to use the appropriate words. At home, I will curse like a sailor.
29. I’m not an innocent. I’m not in need of rescue. I’m not going to pretend I am. You should feel strong knowing that I am strong.
30. I remember almost everything—especially the important stuff. The good and the bad. Don’t ever forget that.
31. I don’t like to fight. I don’t like to yell. I believe in peace.
32. Next time I’m feeling obnoxiously sad/confused/hopeless/self-destructive, I will call my mother. She has never lead me astray.

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By the way….UPDATED!

I had over 600 hits so far today and only 5 comments about this blog’s second anniversary. I think that’s fucking ridiculous. I know who has been here and many many many of my regular readers made an appearance and no word. Thanks for the support. Really, makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

To those of you just clicking over to here today (and reading this temper tantrum)and to those of you who commented…thank you for taking a moment to celebrate with me. I really do appreciate each and every comment.

The new post for today is below.

Whatever.

UPDATE: Okay, so I was a cranky pants last night. I wasn’t feel much love from you all. So, I had a tantrum. Sorry. You know I love you guys. I have my grown-up pants on today.

Thanks for your patience.

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Hot as balls

I don’t really know what that means, but it’s fucking disgusting outside. I hate August. I hate having swamp ass before I even get into my car. Grrrrrrr. I hate summer.

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