Worst hangover in months…

Yesterday, I went to a local Irish festival with my mom, stepdad, and their friends.  My uncle and cousin were there too.  I had a good time, the music was quite good.  I had about 5 hard ciders with little to eat.  After the festival, I went to my mom’s friends house for a barbacue.  They lit their fire pit, even though it was hot as fuck, and we drank lots of homemade wine.

And today I have paid for it dearly.  I also made these Pilsbury cinnamon rolls and ate them all.  This always happens when I’m hungover.  Can you say oink oink?.

A few things happened at the festival:

1. I got choked up when the bagpipers were playing.  Why?  I have no idea.  It just got to me.
2. I saw 2 old friends I haven’t seen in years.  It’s nice to run into old friends.
3. While I was going around to the different vendors, a teenage girl was staring at me like I was some kind of freak.  I frowned at her and she blurted out, “You have golden eyes.”  I said, “Yes, I do.”  She then looked around and whispered, “You’re not a vampire, are you?”  I wasn’t drunk yet, if that’s what you’re thinking.  I rolled my eyes and asked her if she liked the Twilight books and she giggled.  I informed her that they weren’t for real.  She said, “I know that.”  So I asked her, “Why the fuck did you ask me if I was a vampire?”  Ugh.  I can’t stand retarded people.  Not real mentally challenged people, my heart goes out to them.  I’m talking about normal people who don’t think.  Especially, know it all retarded teenagers.  Am I a vampire?  What the fuck!  And why do these idiots always come up to me?
4. I used a port-a-potty three times without gagging.

Oh, and I’m loving the new HBO series True Blood.  I bought all of the books in the series that inspired the series and I really loved those too.  Maybe I am a vampire, though I’d rather be a ninja.

Vampire eye…really?

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More death, a silent weekend, and what the fuck

Last Sunday, we had huge storms come through.  I recorded my latest podcast during the storms.  Apparently, my downstairs neighbors let their cat, Tigger, out in between storms because when I got home from work on Monday they were frantically yelling for him.  I have some very strong opinions about people who let their pets run around the neighborhood—they shouldn’t.  Tigger doesn’t wear a collar.  He’s an alley cat, so he’s always howling to get outside.  I’m used to seeing him around the yard, having given up on trying to talk my neighbor into keeping him inside.

On Wednesday, I asked about the cat and they still hadn’t found him.  The neighbors had gone door to door, visited the local animal shelter, and even went to the police station with no success.  They were scared he was stuck somewhere, locked in someone’s garage or basement.  On Friday night, I was coming home from a ridiculous evening at my father’s when Jim, my guy neighbor, stopped me to tell me that they found Tigger.  He was dead under their back patio.  It looks like he died from natural causes, he was just curled up with no trauma or anything.  Jim had to rip up the planks of wood on the patio to get him out.  I visited the little guy’s grave today and said bye.

Seriously, I’m sick of death.  Not one more this year, at least, or I’m going to freak the fuck out.

Other than the evening at my dad’s and his house full of people who don’t fucking work and are half retarded, ohhhh I’ll have to write a whole other post to explain that shit, I’ve had a beautifully silent weekend.  I did things at my leisure, laundry and grocery shopping, with no one bothering me and calling me at all hours.  I watched movies, surprising myself by enjoying Enchanted and Penelope way more than I thought I would.  I also read all weekend.  It was awesome.

The kittens are driving me crazy.  Hayden wants to party all the time and Nina isn’t happy unless she’s laying on me.  And I’m not allowed to walk around without Nina under my feet.  I’m afraid I’m going to hurt her because I’m tripping over her so much.  Hayden keeps biting my feet and Nina keeps chewing my laptop while I’m typing this.  They’re driving me crazy.  They are sooooo lucky I love them. Roslin and Stella are still awesome and well-behaved.

And finally, fuck you Warner Bros.  Seriously.  What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Thinking.  How dare you move Harry Potter back 8 months.  You greedy fuckers.  Really.  You blame it on the writer’s strike, but the movie finished shooting months ago.  This is seriously rude.  The movie better be the best one yet or I will put a curse on your whole studio.  You assholes.

Yes, that last paragraph demonstrates how little of a life I have and yet I don’t care.  I’m pissed.  I had a whole Harry Potter weekend planned with my nephew and I had to call him and tell him that we have to wait not 3 months, but almost a year.

Oh, and I chopped my hair off.  Think Ashley Judd’s hair in Someone Like You.

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The war of the cats, office cleaning, podcasts, why I got suckered by the cuteness of two kittens, I found a webcam in my drawer (huh?), lots to do this weekend, and why I’m so glad I’m don’t participate in blogging drama

That title is really really really long, huh?

I have a lot to say, so I’m going to list it to make it easier on me poor addled sleep-deprived brain.  And it ain’t going to be in the order of the title either. 

1. Why did I get two kittens?  What are their stories?  Why was I even considering getting 1 kitten when I had two fiercely gorgeous bitches at home?  Because I’m a sucker for a sad story and cuteness, that’s why.  The woman, Bobbie, who had given me Roslin, called me 3 weeks ago in a tizzy, telling me that Roslin’s mother had given birth to a litter in her (Bobbie) neighbor’s lawn mower bag.  Bobbie and the neighbor got the kittens and mommy cat situated in a box on Bobbie’s porch.  All seemed well, until that afternoon.  Her town was having a block party and the motorcycles spooked the mommy cat.  She took one of her babies with her and left the other 3.  If you recall, Roslin and her litter mates were abandoned by the same mommy.  Apparently, she’s extremely skittish.*  Hayden was one of the three abandoned by mommy, Nina was the one kitten that the mommy took.  So, Hayden has been hand-fed since day 1.  Bobbie found Nina walking around the backyard last week and brought her in the house.  When I got there, I was coming for only Hayden.  I wanted a boy cat and Bobbie was holding him for me.  But, then I saw him cuddling with Nina.  She looked up at me and I gasped.  Bobbie told me that she had homes for all of the other kittens, but not for Nina.  I just didn’t think and said, “I’ll take both of the babies.”  And that’s how I became a crazy fucking cat lady.  If someone told me a few years ago that I would have this many animals, I would have laughed in their face.  Damn.
2. And why aren’t people who have multiple dogs mocked and labeled?  I know a lady with 6 dogs and nobody calls her crazy.  Just sayin.
3. I have to clean my office.  Bad.  You can’t see the top of my desk because of all of the junk in there.  I’m sure nobody cares that I need to clean my office, but writing it hear seems like a promise to myself.  It’s written down, so now I must do it.  Or something like that.  I’m sure I’ll put it off another week or two.
4. I think I’m going to start recording podcasts again.  They were fun and maybe I can talk some of my friends and family members to be guests.  I’ll talk my sister into it tonight.  Now, if only I could remember how to post the podcasts…
5. Oh, and I found a webcam in my desk drawer.  How long have I had it…who the hell knows?  I’m not even sure if it’s a good one.  It’s probably one of those webcams that has a delay by a second or ten and the playback is like watching a record skip.  And the audio is out of time with the visual.  I’ll have to check it out.  Maybe I can show you how big of a bitch Stella Marie is.
6. Oh, Stella Marie.  She is pissed.  I mean, PISSED!!!!!!!!!!  She is all like, “What the fuck is in that bathroom moving around? Why must you do this to me?  I am a spoiled brat and don’t want to share you with anyone?  It’s bad enough you brought that pain in the ass Roslin home…two more?  Bitch, I will claw you until you scream.”  Roslin is so scared of Stella that I had to accompany her to use the litter box.  Yes, I had to stand there while she pooped and Stella hissed like a fucking mental case.  And let’s not even talk about my lack of sleep because of Stella Marie’s hissing, spitting, yowling, growling, and screaming.  Such. A. Drama. Queen.  I told her yesterday that she might as well get all of that foolishness out of her system right now, because the kitties are staying.  She turned her back to me and walked away growling.  She had dingle-berries on her butt, so that kind of diminished her haughtiness.  Of course, I had to cut them out.  So, I guess in some strange way she won that argument.  She certainly wasn’t wiping my ass.
7. I have to cook cook cook for my mother’s party tomorrow.  She graduated from college, yay, and we’re throwing a gigantic party.  I hate the prep, but it’s so worth it in the end.  It should be a great time.  I’ll try to take some pictures.  All of my stinkies (Morgan, Connor, Rylee, and Colin) will be there. 
8. Morgan wants a kitten and is coming to visit me today to see my babies.  My sister-in-law promised that if Morgan made the principle’s list she would be able to get a kitten.  She already told me that she’d name that kitten Keira or Zoe.  I asked her, “What if it’s a boy?”  She cocked her head and gave me a raised brow, “Aunt Debbie, I don’t want a boy cat.  How can I have a secret club for girls and have a boy cat?”  Makes perfect sense.
9. Blog Drama.  Or better yet, Blogworld Drama or whatever you want to call it.  I’ve read about 5 posts in the past day dealing with it and I’m like, what the hell, and creeped out.  Does anyone take this blog shit (or life!) that seriously?  I mean, come on people.  It’s the one way you can be sure I will lose my interest in your blog, write about blog drama or posts dedicated to haters or whatever.  I used to do that and then I realized that it was retarded.  So retarded.  I have haters and I don’t give a shit if they come to my blog 100 times a day.  Happy reading to all, even the people who hate me.  Maybe that’s why my blog isn’t as popular as it used to be.  I don’t care about the blogdrama crap and I’m certainly not signing up for that club.  It’s so tedious and middle school and I have better things to do, like clean my office or learn ninja moves or poopy-scoop 4 litter boxes or masturbate or clean my bellybutton.  When I read a blog, I want to hear about a person’s days or thoughts on politics or how good he/she were fucked the night before or some creative stories or something that challenges my believe system and makes me go and learn something new…that type of shit.  Who buys into this form of Blogs of Our Lives bullshit?  It’s kind of disturbing.  Stop it.  Stop writing about it.  You’ll be happier.
10. I just realized that my whole family will be at my mom’s tomorrow for the party.  Oy vey. 

*Mommy cat was fixed last week, thankfully.

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Come board this lunatic express–Part 2 with an extra caboose added for my neighbors

The old lady next door is still fucking sending money to Nigeria and other parts of the world. I have told her it’s all a scam. I yelled at her the other night. I have tried to persuade her to use common sense. I’m so worried for her. She’s absolutely stressed out and I know she’s embarrassed about all of this. Except taking her computer away, I have no solution to this problem. She has no family and so far I’m the only person she’s told all of this to.

Give me strength. Next…

The woman downstairs is having her bedroom painted. Instead of hiring a professional, she gets her crackhead ex-con nephew to do it. I’m not exaggerating. He was in prison for a few years and just got out in the fall. And this isn’t Inbred Nephew. This is someone different. Oy vey, right? Yesterday, she let her nephew borrow her car because he needed more paint. He was gone 6 hours. He did have paint with him when he came back, so she thought nothing more of the fact that he had been driving her car around for hours with no explanation. This morning police from the town next to ours came knocking on the woman’s door. Apparently her car was the get-away car in an armed robbery yesterday. Oh yes, it’s too fucking good to make up. She had to go to the police station and turn in her nephew or she would have been in a lot of trouble.

And to something a bit more amusing…

I was in the grocery store after work and I heard a woman ask her friend if she knew where the jalapenos were. But she pronounced them like this (the best I can do with words)

jail

eh

pen

no

jail-eh-pen-no

I have no idea how I understood what she was saying. I must speak “retarded” or some other dialect closely related like “dumbass” or “ignorant fuck”.  I also have the feeling that I probably picked up the language at work.

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Dear VH1,

Please stop playing I Love New York. I think everyone on the planet has seen every show. I find this woman to be annoying, immature, obnoxious, uninteresting, unintelligent, and fugly. Yes, I said fugly. Cause the word ugly isn’t enough. Her face looks like a vulva that’s been gang banged.

And her mother. Yikes. Her mother is a terrorist attack on my eyeballs. I’m surprised she actually shows up on film. Damn, that woman is nasty.

Anyhow, I need this madness to stop. What the hell did this woman do, other than suck Flav’s skanky-ass dick, to get a television show? And two seasons. Really. Do people watch this?

What happened to I Love the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s? I loved that shit. Whatever happened to playing music? Holy shit, I know it’s a revolutionary idea but I figured you’d know what I mean. Last I checked VH1 stands for Video Hits 1.

So, I hope I was clear here. No more of that show. Stop it. Stop it now.

That is all.

Disgusted and annoyed,
Debbie

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So you are a superstar, get off the cross we need the wood

Here’s one of my famous numbered lists. I haven’t done a random thoughts post in a very long time, but there’s some shit I need to work out on this here blog.

1. Is it wrong to want to kill everyone in Kmart? I went to Kfart this evening to pick up some stuff and it was like a retard parade. Retards with their kids running all over the fucking store, banging into me, stepping on my feet, and getting in my way. Listen, I love kids. I really do. I hope to have a few stinkies myself, but holy shit. Keep them under control. Oh, and when someone says ‘excuse me’ it means they have to get by you. This sometimes means that you need to move your ass. It’s not the other person’s fault if you are too fat to move to the side. Either hurry the fuck up with whatever you’re doing or back the fuck up so that the other person can get by. Seriously.
2. I understand that there are some of us in the blog world who have lots of readers and comments and whatnot. But I think it’s ridiculous to act like a pompous bastard because of this. Especially when you haven’t been on your game for several months. You’re just writing about boring shit and inside jokes that no one gets or cares about. And all of your readers are just little ‘Heathers’ agreeing with everything you say and telling you how funny you are and how cute you are and how cool you are and how you’re just the bestest and……………FUCK. I’m sorry to say that I’m bored to tears by you lately. And those followers of yours are even more boring than you are. It’s a shame because I once loved you and now I’m at a loss at what to say. You’re slipping, my friend. Get off your high horse and start writing like you might have some people left to impress. Cockiness is one of the ugliest traits a person can have and trust me when I say that it doesn’t look good on you. I hate to be the one to tell you that you are not the best at what you do. The title of this post was for you…come on down off of there. I’m dead serious. You’re becoming tedious.
3. After I finish reading the Harry Potter series again, I’m on book 5, I have to take a seriously long break. I have a pile of books to read that is higher than my bedside lamp. I just keep buying books and books and books, and then they sit there because I decided to read Harry Potter from start to finish. Sigh.
4. I drove by a house today and they already had Christmas decorations up. I made a face as I drove by and said “Fuck you”. I also gave the house the finger when coming home. I feel that my job is done for now, but I will continue to give the house the finger until Thanksgiving. I felt like egging them. Or the good old poo in a fire bag prank. I’m too lazy to do either, but I got a good chuckle thinking about it.
5. I’ve been having the weirdest dreams lately. Stranger still is the fact that I can remember these dreams when I first wake up and then cannot seem to recall them hours later.
6. One of my exes keeps writing to me that we should get together for some ‘fun’. Why don’t people just come right out and say, “Wanna get together and fuck with no strings or commitments?” I find I take offense any time a guy writes that he wants to have fun or thinks I’m fun. It’s the same with calling me sexy or cutie or shit like that. You know how they do….”Hey Sexy, you sound like a lot of fun.” Nothing dries me up quicker. My name is Debbie. Miss Debbie if you’re nasty. Hee hee…I just made myself laugh.
7. God, my feet look good.
8. I’m watching the Wizard of Oz right now and I love it.
9. Is it just me or do you think that Tom Cruise makes whatever movie he’s in a little worse? I want to see Lions for Lambs. I think it looks like a great movie and yet Tom Cruise is in it and I just know that every time he’s in a scene I’ll want to give the screen the finger. He should retire.
10. And finally, I have to say that writing a book is difficult. Not the whole writing part, but the being honest part. I’m not going to talk about what my book is about, but there are moments when the main character is so much me that I get overcome with emotion. The more I write and uncover, the more I have to look inward. Even more than I already do. It’s always worth it though.

That’s all for now. I posted a video of one of my favorite songs below to make up for yesterday’s lack of a post. I’m really trying to keep my promise.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Put’em up, put’em up.

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Afraid we’ve been changing in a way I’m not loving

I don’t like the direction this blog has been going. Or the direction I’ve been going. Not sure which. The posts over the past couple of weeks have sucked bad. It’s pissing me off. I feel like, compared to posts I wrote at this time last year, that I’ve lost a bit of my voice. Maybe the general boredom I’ve been feeling in my personal life has been coming through here and the posts sound bored and uninspired, for the most part. So, with that said…I feel like I’m getting my spark back.

The bitch is back.

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I’m also not happy with the state of the world, like anyone is, and I feel like I should write about it. I think our world is disgusting and most people are lazy. When did people stop trying? Everyone wants life to hand them a job, a paycheck, a lover, etc… It’s pathetic. People don’t want to work for anything. Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme. Doesn’t matter if the person is stupid or untalented or uneducated or ignorant, gimme gimme gimme. We live in a world where mediocrity is not only acceptable, it’s celebrated. This holds true for music, TV, cinema, literature. Apparently the ‘gimme gimme gimme’ is working because people have no bullshit radar and will buy into anything that doesn’t make them think. If you think about how many albums, movies, TV shows, and books are published, it’s disgusting. How can that many projects have integrity? They don’t. About 1% of the shit out there is worth buying. The rest is fucking crap. And yet people eat up the mediocrity (if it’s even that) like it’s the most profound shit they’ve ever seen. Gimme gimme gimme. These crappy things take no thought or effort to get through at all. Lazy. Gimme gimme gimme.

—

I’m so glad that we needed a huge concert held on 7 continents to remind people to be ecologically and socially responsible. Although I appreciate the sentiment (the lazy stupid lemmings of the world need their favorite celebrity to give them their information—–god forbid they read something other than the tabloid shit!) this kind of shit irritates me. I hate when millionaire celebrities try to act like the give a fuck. If they gave a fuck, they’d understand that making $20 million for a film is just fucking disgusting and an insult to any cause they choose to adopt.

Go here and here for information about the damage we have done to the planet and what you can do to change. Please do not leave any comments or email me telling me that global warming is fake. If you believe that then you are a complete idiot and I just can’t deal with you. Only a very ignorant, uninformed, and sick human being wouldn’t believe that we are destroying our home.

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So, now that I weeded out the people that only come here for the drama…let’s move on.

I am starting my ninja training hardcore tomorrow. For those of you who are new, yup I wanna be a ninja…hee hee. Anyhow, I’m getting up at 4:30 AM to go for a run and then doing yoga after work. I’ve been running in the evenings, but it’s supposed to be really hot tomorrow so I figured I’d start doing the outside workout really early. Besides, I want to be this for Halloween and I have to get on it.

You know what? I know that I’m usually a sub in the bedroom there is something in me that wants to use that riding crop on someone’s ass. Bad bad bad boy!

Random thought, forgive me.

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We interrupt this post to bring you a cuteness update.

I have a kitten on my chest right now. She’s sound asleep. She and Stella are getting along pretty well. The only time I’m putting the kitten in the bathroom now is when I leave the house and when I go to bed.

Did you know that a kitten’s ass is the smelliest and grossest thing ever? Roslin farts all of the time and they smell like something is rotten up there. It’s killing me.

—

Friday night, I went to another outdoor concert with my sister. She brought the baby and my nephew Rylee. My sister bought Rylee a lightsaber and he made friends with a boy at the concert. Soon, they were in a full battle that would make Darth Vader proud. I was kind of jealous cause I wanted a lightsaber.

My sister started talking to the other boy’s mother and father. I walked over to say hi, and to give my sister the baby, and I see that the couple’s single friend is standing there. He was only kind of good looking which is perfect because that’s what I like. I wasn’t feeling that great that night and was wearing baggy pants and a t-shirt. I caught the guy checking me out several times throughout the night which was nice. I haven’t been paying attention to guys in a while. At the end of the night, we were all talking about Harry Potter and how we can’t wait for the new book to come out, and the woman was saying how she hasn’t read any of the books when the single guy says, “I don’t read. I manage 200 people and 4 departments at work.” I thought this was weird to say, it seemed random, until my sister later told me that she thought he said it to impress me. Who knows why he said it, but he’s the first guy I’ve been interested in months and it felt good to check someone out like that.

—

I’m fucking sore today. My mom had a barbecue for her birthday and all of the kids were there. I swam from noon until 8:30 PM. When I say swam, I mean that I jumped off the diving board about 30 times with the kids and then we played a pool game where I was paddling in the deep end for a few hours. I’m exhausted.

On a funny note, I had to shave my bikini area because I didn’t have time to wax and I wanted to be nice and neat for family day at the pool. So, after a few hours in the pool I feel some intense itching. Apparently, the chlorine was irritating my newly shaved skin. I felt like Steph in this post, except I’m around a bunch of kids and family. Yikes. I ran into the bathroom and scratched like a madwoman. The rest of the night my crotch was quite uncomfortable.

Here are some pictures from the day. Be warned,they are cute.


I love this picture. Such a cutie!


Rylee looking cool.


Morgan being the crazy girl she is.


Mom holding Colin in the water.


Look at the bugger. Adorable.

I also made red velvet cake from scratch for my mom. It turned out amazing. One thing about it though, it turns your poop bright red. Or at least, it’s turned mine bright red. I have some calls in to confirm that it’s turned the other’s poop red too. I don’t know why I need to know, but I do.

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That’s it bitches. I’ll see you later. I’ll be posting the recipe for the cake later on The Home Cook and I might be updating Coquettishly, I’m not sure if I’m that motivated today.

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