It’s like this and like that and like this and like that…

Doesn’t 98 degree weather make you want to quote songs from The Chronic and other “summer albums” or is it just me?  Just me.  Yes.  Okay, that’s cool.

Let’s get this off my chest first…Holy fucking shit!  Why is it 98 degrees in the beginning of June in NJ?  It’s so gross outside.  I have to run at 4 AM or 8 PM, which I’m not happy about.  I go to bed at 9 PM every night and I just can’t bring myself to get up at 4 AM.  Looks like I’m doing aerobics on Fit TV until the heat wave is over.  But, damn…98 today and tomorrow. 

That did not make me feel better.

Apparently, I’m a bad NJ’ian or NJ girlperson or whatever you people from other states call us (be nice!) because I dislike Bon Jovi and just don’t feel much of what Bruce Springsteen is talking about (and I don’t think he sings very well…oh the horror, right?).  Whatever.  I’m proud to say that I’m a bad NJ citizen.  The state is made up of a bunch of douchebags.  And if you’re taking offense to that last statement, then you’re probably one of them.

Speaking of hating NJ, I have a five year plan (tentively) for getting out of this armpit of hell otherwise known as the Northeast.  I have to get out of here.  It’s too populated, every one is an asshole, and I’ve been here my whole fucking life.  I have two places in mind…Charleston, SC and Boulder, CO.  I plan to live in one of those places in the next five years.  I wish I could go now and if I happen to come into some money…I’d be out of here.

That idiot Richard, who keeps emailing me, has done it again (see posts below to read about it).  I have finally remembered to block his email address, so at least I won’t see them anymore.  The last one he wrote described him coming to my job and going down on me at my desk.  He’s trying really hard, isn’t he?  He’s not even writing it in a way that is remotely erotic or enticing.  It’s just…I want to eat you out.  It is just not hot or sexy or anything but nasty and pervy.  Yuck. 

I’ve taken on a 2nd job, selling Avon.  I kind of love it.  I’ve been doing it for a month and it’s super fun.  I love Avon’s products, so it’s very easy to sell.  If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll give you the link to my webstore.  My real name is attached to it, so I won’t link to it from here. 

Bloglines sucks.  I read all of the blogs I link to on Bloglines…until recently when I realized that many of you have been updating your blogs and Bloglines hasn’t been getting the feeds.  If you’re blog is up on my roll (why did that just make me laugh) and I haven’t commented in a long while, it’s because of Bloglines.  I’m hoping that I’ve taken care of the problem, but if not I’ll have to go all old school and click on every blog in the roll.  Sorry about that, you know I love you all.

Where has Mr. Wood been?

And finally, I’m in a book!  Go here for more information and to buy the book.  Everyone must buy the book.  Go now.  Go on.  Right now.  Thanks to the lovely Peach and her crew of angels for putting together this wonderful project for charity! 

Stay tuned for tomorrow for “Ask Debbie Anything”.

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Thunder thunder thunder, yes—UPDATE!

After another day of sweating my balls off here. My landlady called me this afternoon and the air conditioning man will be here tomorrow morning to fix my shit. I can’t wait. I almost offered for suck the guy’s dick, if that would get him here sooner. I didn’t though, cause I’m a classy bitch.

At the moment, we’re having very violent thunder storms and it’s made it cool. Stella is running around with relief. The sweat has stopped rolling between my boobs. My sweat dampened hair is actually drying. It’s heavenly.

This morning, I cleaned off my bike and pumped up the tires in hopes of going for a nice long bike ride. Guess what? It’s fucking hard to ride a bike in a hilly town in the fucking hot ass humid hazy weather. I did ride for 3o minutes before I had to stop to get a drink. My crotch was also killing me. I have a cushioned seat and my temple (yes, that’s what I call my crotch) still felt bruised. I’m done riding for a few days.

So, I put my bike back into my garage and shut the door.

About 2 hours later, I went outside because I had just remembered that I left my keys and cell phone in my bike bag. I walked into the backyard and saw my garage open and my bike is moved. Motherfucker. I got my stuff out of the bag and went to close the garage door when Mullet (my downstairs neighbor) tells me to leave the door open.

Um, what? It’s my fucking garage. So, I told him as much and then my lady downstairs neighbor yells asking me why I need to door shut. I told them I just washed my bike and I want the door shut. It’s my garage. He tells me the garage gets too hot and he’s airing it out. Too hot for whom or what. What’s in there in danger of melting? Nothing. He’s just being an ass. I told them that I’m in no mood to deal with their drunk asses, that the garage is mine and it’s staying shut.

I’m putting a lock on that thing tomorrow.

I had a chance to get laid on Friday, woo hoo. One of my exes, Sam, emailed me and graciously offered to have some ‘fun’ with me. Honestly. What is wrong with men? I haven’t dated this guy in about 4 years and we only dated briefly at that. He said he saw my friend at a bar and she, I’m going to kill her, gave him my email address. So um, now he’s emailing to get a quick fuck? Eh. Eh. Eh. Nothing turns me off more. At least offer me a nice dinner first.

Besides, he wasn’t that good of a fuck anyhow. Sloppy son of a bitch.

I went to my dad’s yesterday for dinner. It was nice in the beginning, but then I had to listen to his girlfriend put him down to me every time he left our presence. And then she kept interrupting him and arguing with him while we were having a conversation. I’ve been staying away from them because of this, but I hate that she is so rude and demeaning to my dad. Who the fuck does she think she is? I’ve tried to talk to my dad about this, but he just says that he loves her. When did my dad become such a pussy? I want to shake him until he comes to his senses.

Starting June 1, I will be going gluten free. My doctor has recommended it. I don’t think it’s going to be that big a deal, I never eat premade things (I make everything from scratch)…I can still make bagels and bread and stuff because they make flours and yeast and other products that are gluten free. I think the weirdest thing will be the change in pasta. I will now have to eat rice pasta, which I love but I’ve never used it in Italian food. I’m hoping this will be a positive change. I’ll let you all know.

I wish I had more to say, but I’m drained from the heat and I really haven’t done anything exciting.

UPDATE: The air conditioner is fixed. Sweet heaven, it feels beautiful in here. I’m going to take a nap now.

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Random shit in my head

I’m gonna write the book. I think I’m ready to get this out of my head. I think some people would learn a few things from hearing my tale. I think I would learn a lot about myself writing it. I’m going to write the story in book form and post it on a private blog that may eventually be shared with a select few. We’ll see. I’m not sure about it right now.

I’m sick at the moment. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow because I keep getting sick. I think it’s from worrying about my sister for months and working my ass off at work and worrying about things and not sleeping well and so on and so on. I feel like shit.

I have a date on Saturday with that guy John. He’s called a few times this week. I’m not sure what we’re doing, but I’m sure we’ll have fun. I’ve got a new attitude. Sort of.

Things bugging the shit out of me:

1. Anna Nicole Smith shit. It’s not news. Please stop interrupting real news with updates on the DNA test. I don’t fucking care. This kid is going to be so fucked up, she’ll be pregnant and snorting heroine though her vagina at 12. Okay. Enough. I’m at my limit. She’s doomed.
2. George Bush. I’ve over him. I first laughed at him, then hated him, then raged against him, and now I just want it to be over. Seriously.
3. Avril Lavinge. I don’t get it. Did I miss a memo somewhere? She’s an idiot.
4. The wig Britney Spears is wearing and the woman herself. Sweetie, we know you shaved your head. The wig doesn’t look good. Stop wearing it with strange hats. Just stop. Go back to school and buy yourself a brain. Don’t make anymore music or movies. Just take your money and run and leave us alone.
5. People dying of cancer. Really. Why don’t we have a cure for this shit yet? Oh, that’s right. The one thing that could possibly make a huge dent in cancer, and other illnesses, is considered immoral. Stem cell research. I forgot. Silly me. By the way, one of the journal’s I work on is about stem cell research and let me say that the US is falling more and more behind in science because of the laws in this country. The progress that’s been made in other countries using stem cells to help treat illnesses like heart disease, cancer, alzheimer’s, MS, etc….is unbelievable. Another reason to really think about who we elect into office and to get educated as a people so that we can understand the importance of these issues.
6. People who don’t know who to merge into traffic after coming off of the highway. Hey, it’s your job to yield and find a way to fit your fucking giant truck into traffic. I’m not doing you any favors. Fuck you. Slow down or speed up, but don’t think I am. I’m not that nice.
7. My vibrator. You’re not doing your job. My orgasms are mediocre at best. I have changed the batteries, I have changed things up, and yet I am still unable to have a high quality orgasm like I’m used to. I’ve even introduced my dildo into this self-play and still….eh. Very frustrating.
8. Money. I wish I had more of it. I’ve been broke lately. I’m so sick of it.
9. Mother Nature. Irking me. Make up your mind. This is bullshit.
10. The war in Iraq. I know I keep my politics out of this blog, but this war is so disgusting I can’t let it alone. Everyday, I see what they call news and I know the agenda: they want us to care about Anna Nicole and what new everyday thing could be killing us…..they want us to forget about our men and women dying for no reason. This war isn’t about freedom or terrorism or 9/11. It’s about control and lies and money. Blood money. Money for greedy white men who don’t give a shit about you or me or the thousands of people who have died and are going to die. I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of hearing about the death. I want our people home. I want those people over there to find their own way. Let’s just cut our ties and admit defeat.

So, I’m still obsessed with Harry Potter. After re-reading all six books (AGAIN!), I bought the book Mugglenet.com put out about some of the things that could happen in book 7. I can’t fucking wait. It’s been preordered since the pub date was announced. I’m listening to podcasts and I’ve got my sister reading the books. I’m becoming a Harry Potter pusher.

Hmmm, what else is going on? Nothing. I’m ready to turn in. I’m starting to feel worse.

Talk to you all soon.

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What a Valentine’s Day it’s been and Happy V Day

I woke up this morning to lots of snow and ice everywhere. I sat on my bed and watched 3 cars slide down my street before calling out. My car, which I call The Jalopy, isn’t the best thing going and I’m not interested in risking life and limb to just get to work. Sorry. I’m not making millions of dollars. If I was there might have been a chance.

I snuggle back into bed, isn’t that the best, and let my eyelids fall.

I woke up a couple hours later and see that it’s worse outside. I check my work email and see that my company was opening late, at 11. Nice. I only had to take a half vacation day.

I putzed around my apartment for a few hours and then started making lunch. I put leftovers in the microwave and was disco dancing in my kitchen when everything went off. I went into the living room and tried the TV. Nothing.

I decided to go out and clean the 2 inches of ice off of my car so that I didn’t get bored. That took 30 minutes. Went back upstairs and stood there staring. The electric was still out.

Shit.

I call my downstairs neighbor and the electric is out down there too. Same thing with my next door neighbor.

Great. What the fuck should I do?

I couldn’t nap because I wasn’t tired. I didn’t feel like reading. So, I got my laptop out and watched Buffy DVD’s for a while. Until the battery died. Then I started calling people but nobody was home.

Two hours later, I got in my car and took a drive, even though the roads weren’t very good. I got a few slices of pizza because I have an electric stove, so I wasn’t cooking anything.

I came home to the electric back on and did a happy dance on my porch. Now, I’m trying to stay warm by drinking tea and snuggling on my couch.

This is the first time in 3 years I haven’t had a Valentine. Boo hoo. It’s not like I’ve ever gotten flowers or anything from them anyhow. I know it’s a ‘Hallmark Holiday’ and that I shouldn’t care, but you all know that it does feel good to be able to spend the day with someone you love.

Oh, and did I mention that my Mullet neighbor stole my rock salt out of my garage? No? Well, the fucker did. I went looking for it yesterday and it was nowhere to be found. I had half a bag left from last year. He’s the only one who could have taken it because he is always in and out of my garage because he’s a pain in my ass. I have called my landlord about putting a lock on the garage. I’m waiting to hear back from her. If she doesn’t then I will. I have outside steps and almost broke my neck twice today. I’m livid.

Today is also V Day. It’s important to acknowledge that the war to stop violence against women is far from over and we need to keep fighting. Fight for yourself, your mothers, your sisters, your daughters, and your lovers.

Okay, that’s all for now. Happy Valentine’s Day and Happy V Day, you sexy people. Hugs and kisses.

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I’m finally home, cool, and relaxing

Oh shit. This weekend was nuts and I’m pooped.

Today was hellish.

I got up and read the New York Times on my laptop with a cup of coffee. It was gorgeous. After, I had to run some errands and get ready for the dreaded barbecue.

Got to the barbecue and was convinced that the surface of the sun couldn’t be much hotter. Their yard was completely covered by tents that didn’t let any air in. They had two box fans blowing nothing but hot air and I really thought I was going to pass out. I brought my own cooler with beer (because they always have the shittiest beer there) and ended up not drinking the beer but was rubbing the cold bottles over my neck and wrists. At one point, I even put a bottle under each armpit. The heat was oppressive. I had no fun.

I thought going to the barbecue with my mom and stepdad would be a good idea, as they didn’t want to stay long. Well, they started talking to someone and we ended up staying there for over 5 hours. There was air conditioning in the house, but it smelled like cat piss inside and that smell makes me sick. I’d rather be hot. And that’s exactly what I was.

So, after coming home and a cold shower and comfy clothes–I’m here chilling on my couch and writing this post and reading blogs. God, it’s going to take me weeks to stop talking about how great having a laptop is.

Okay, here are some pictures that I took yesterday that I didn’t feel like dealing with in my previous post.

This is one of the reasons why I love NJ diners. The old-fashioned jukebox at each table. We played Frank Sinatra.

This is for Hotwire. My scrapple. It’s a regional delicacy and it’s delicious. Don’t ask what’s it’s made from. You don’t want to know.

These woman were wearing boxer shorts. Out in public at the flea market. Do you see the droopy asses of the boxers? You wouldn’t catch me dead in something like this.

I’m pretty sure that if you were to take these dolls home they would try to kill you once you fall asleep. They are creepy.

This is my little Stella Marie. Isn’t she gorgeous?


Tomorrow I get to sleep in and relax the whole day. I will detox. I’m only eating my homemade organic spinach florentine canneloni bean soup and drinking herbal tea. Because this weekend’s overindulgence is taking its toll. I really feel like shit.

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