Poo follows me like a stalker

I think I’ve seen it all with regards to poo. Really. I have.

Ready….

A homeless guy is standing outside of Dunkin Donuts holding the door for patrons saying loudly,”Ah, man I gotta shit. Can’t hold dis door here much longa. Ah man.” He then walks away.

Inside Dunkin Donuts, everyone is laughing at the poor guy. I get my coffee and leave. I walk about 10 feet and am passing an alley and I hear deep moaning and a man mutter, “Oh Lord that be some good shittin.”

Oh course, because I am nosey I look and I see the homeless guy midshit. I gag and continue to walk.

Now here are my questions….

1. Why did I have to look? I knew someone was shitting and suspected it was the dirty homeless guy. Why? Why did I look?
2. Why does it seem like at least once a month someone is pooing in public near me?
3. Lately, I’ve been having lots of poo conversations. Why?
4. And finally, why are there so many people that smell like poo? Ew.

If anyone could help me find the answers to these probing questions, that would be great. I think there’s too much poo in my life right now.

A non-poo item to discuss: JR Estelle, from These Crazy Times, is participating in the Atlanta AIDS walk and she would be extremely grateful if you all could sponsor her for the event. She’s trying to raise $250. Please go to the sidebar and clink on the link! Thanks.

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It’s a better day, sort of

So, before I go any further I want to say a few things. I have nothing against secretaries. I know they put up with a lot of shit. I’m just saying that my sister lives in rural PA and basically files and handles mail and types memos. I know this because she has told me this is what she does and bitches about it. I am in charge of making decisions for publications that are worth a few million dollars. There’s a difference I think. Besides, I file and mail shit and type memos too. What the fuck?

Next, I don’t think people who don’t have a college education are any less smart than me.

Lastly, I don’t want to be married and pregnant right now. I was just saying that at that moment last night I felt a bit inadequate. So there.

This is kind of gross, so please take care…..

I saw a man shit himself today. I went to the dollar store after work and there was a guy in line who was shifting from one foot to the other. I noticed him sweating and looking very uncomfortable. He then farted quite loud and grabbed his ass. He exclaimed (yes, exclaimed) “Oh no. I shit.” People, I had to fucking leave. I didn’t get a thing because I was laughing so hard. About an hour later, I went back to the store because I did need a few things and the owner said that he had hose down the driveway next to the store because the guy dropped deuce right there. And start the uncontrollable laughter…..

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