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Two weeks until my birthday. Hooray! My family has asked me what I want for presents and I’ve shown them my Amazon Wishlist. How much do you want to bet that I don’t get one thing on there? My family never listens to me. I know I sound like a spoiled brat, but I’m really not. Last year I got decorative floral boxes (I’m not a decorative floral box person) and plastic place mats for my kitchen table. All of these are stored away in my closet. Oh, I forgot to mention the flannel wrap with fringe. I think it’s much better if I just tell people what I want.

However, I did get a fishing pole last year for my birthday. There is hope, I suppose.

My downstairs neighbor’s have been so loud this weekend that I’m going out of my head. They’ve been yelling at each other, slamming doors, listening to their TV’s so loud I can’t think, and oh dear….the arena rock….makes me homicidal. To make matters worse, last night I came home from meeting a friend for dinner and my apartment smelled like cigarette smoke (they both smoke). I sprayed the whole place down with air freshener and then lit a bunch of incense to get rid of the smell. They are yelling as I write this. It’s damn irritating.

Is anyone else really excited about the second season of Rome? I love this show. They’re rerunning the first season just now. It’s unlike any other show there is. And I must confess that I’ve had plenty a fantasy about Vorenus having his way with me. In every way imaginable. And I have a very good imagination. There is something about the way Kevin McKidd plays the character that is so savagely passionate. And those togas. Makes my thighs quiver. Dear lord he is beautiful.

I learned how to crochet yesterday. I’m making a scarf. We’ll see how it goes. I’m not one for hobbies (blogging being an exception), but I need something to make me relax. I’m wound up. I need something to do until I get laid. So, there might be lots of scarfs and other knitwear coming out of this. Don’t be surprised if you find one waiting for you in your mailbox. Even if you live in Texas. It’s either that or send me a lover.

Yeah, that’s all I got.

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It’s the last day of 2006 and I can’t help but feel a bit melancholy. I always do. At least this year I’m going out with a bunch of friends and will hopefully have a great time. But, before I start getting ready (we’re going for an early dinner so I have to drop-dead gorgeous by 6 PM) I wanted to say a few things about this year.

  1. I’m thankful for having the opportunity to meet (albeit virtually, although I have met some of you personally) all of you. I never thought anyone would read this blog and now I couldn’t go on if you all didn’t read this. I love you guys. I really do. Your comments, emails, support, and sense of humor has meant the world to me. I’m feeling very loving right now, so I’ll even tell the lurkers that I love them too. Maybe you all should comment every now and then, huh? That would be so nice.
  2. I have surprised myself with Coquettishly in a way I can’t really describe. I’m proud of that blog and I’m hoping that in the coming year the blog will become a respected and fun resource for people.
  3. I’ve been through a bunch of things this year. Heartbreak. Stalking. Allergic Reactions. Family issues. Coworkers annoying the shit out of me (wait, sometimes that’s really funny so I won’t complain too much). I think that all of these things make me stronger, better, and more prepared for whatever bullshit life throws at me. At least a have a story to tell. At least I know something about life. At least I can recognize goodness when I see it. I always try to live my life with that mindset. This coming year will be better. I know it.
  4. I found Stella Marie this year and I can’t imagine my life without the little hairball. I’ve love to have a dog, but my apartment is too small. I think I’ll adopt another cat this year. Stella needs company.
  5. I’ve been in my current job for a year and I love it. Even as busy and hectic as it can be, I still love it.

That’s all I can think of right now. I’m not doing any resolutions this year, cause I can’t keep them. So, I’m going to try and find happiness in what I have and who I am, instead of looking for something else always. I will be healthier and stronger this year. I will try to be a better friend to the people who matter to me, and that includes some of you reading this post.

And now to the important part….my birthday is in 21 days. January 21. I’m going to be 32….GASP!!! I think I’m better now than I’ve ever been, so I don’t want to hear anything about being old. I can still rock it. I want to do something fun this year (like get laid long and hard, hee hee). I’m open to all ideas about what I should do.

Time for more mushiness….thank you all for being so great. I love you and I hope that this new year will bring you all happiness, love, comfort, and fortune. May all of your wishes come true.

A big, wet, long smooch from me.

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I think I’ve lost my ability to nap. Everytime I lay down to take one of these, be it a short power nap or a long afternoon sleepfest, I get restless and start thinking about all of the things I’ve got to do and how napping is just lazy. I used to be so good at it. I would fantasized about getting snuggled into my couch in the afternoon and close my eyes. A light blanket would offer me its warmth. The sun shining on my face. Or, even better, listening to the rain out my window. Ahhhh. Those were the days. I need my napping skills back. I don’t know how I lost them. Is it the time of year? The lack of sex? The holidays? The phone ringing? Who the fuck knows.

I’m tired. I’ve been working my ass off this week. Last night I spent the evening trying, unsuccessfully, to install DSL onto my mother’s ancient computer. After 3 hours of staring at her monitor waiting for the shit to install over a dial-up internet, I had to give up. I’m going back on Sunday for more fun times. I didn’t sleep very well last night because Stella Marie wanted to play with her brown mouse on me. For the new people, Stella Marie is my cat.

I have nothing else to talk about really. I’m just going to type whatever is on my mind. This should be fun.

Why do I love dirty men? You know, the kind of guy that’s a man’s man. I am not attracted to men in suits. A guy in a suit could ask me out and I’d probably be indifferent or even say no, but if that same man asked me out after doing a bunch of manual labor and was dirty and sweaty, I’d be all over him. Is that messed up?

Do you know what show was really great? M.A.S.H. I love that show. I just watched 3 episodes and I never realized how good it is.

What the fuck is up with all of the dancing reality shows? Does anyone give a shit? First, it was all of the reality dating shows, then it was a zillion talent shows, and now its dancing reality shows. The WE Network is holding a “Dirty Dancing” contest to look for the next Baby. Guess who the host is? J-Ho’s ex, Cris Judd. Who is watching this shit and if you are, explain to me what the appeal is?

Why do I think Jason from Ghost Hunters is dreamy?

My legs are hurting bad. I started running a couple weeks ago and my thighs are killing me. I just slathered muscle rub stuff all over them and now I smell like menthol. Yes, I’m a sexy bitch….look out.

I want cake. Chocolate box cake with fudge icing and a big cold glass of milk.

I need to figure out what to get the little girl I read to every Wednesday for Christmas. Any ideas?

Monkeys freak me the fuck out. I look at them and it’s like they know something humans don’t. And they’re comfortable enough to throw poo at each other when they’re pissed. Humans aren’t allowed to do that. We’d get arrested or something. I think throwing poo would be way more effective than giving the middle finger. Much more. Cause it’s gross and smelly.

Um, like I needed to explain why throwing poo would be effective. Like you all don’t know it’s gross and smelly. State the obvious much Debbie?

I’m thinking of taking my nipple ring out. It will be two years old in January and I’m over it. It’s not like anyone’s playing with but me anyhow. I’ll let you all what I decide. I know you all will be on the edge of your seats waiting for this breaking news.

Okay, I’m going now. Time for my bubble bath and sleepy-time.

Smooches.

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I just wanted to make sure y’all were paying attention.

There are two reasons for the above title. 1) I just posted about blowjobs on Coquettishly (god I’m a plug whore) and 2) the other day I noticed a weird site on my statcounter over at Coquettishly, so I went over to the site and noticed they took my profile picture (my kissy one featured here) and wrote under it “Does this woman have cum in her mouth?” and you know what….I do look like I have a mouthful of cum. Funny.

I did get some sleep last night, thanks to Lunesta. I was really petrified for a few hours. Luckily, I’m okay today. So far.

I made ravioli lasagna last night and it was fucking delicious. I’ve posted the recipe over at The Home Cook (plug whore) for anyone who wants to feast on this delicious meal. I think that one should feed it to their lover naked with some red wine and antipasto. Oh, wait. I don’t have a lover so I ate it fully clothed, on my couch. Hmmm, just a little bitter. I also posted a recipe for one of my favorite soups.

And that leads me to a question that’s been playing in my mind over and over again the past week…..why the fuck am I single? Honestly. Not to sound conceited because I’m certainly not perfect or even that cool, but I really don’t understand why I am single. Shall I pretend to be prissy, frigid, bad at sex, dumb, unaffected, helpless, and self-absorbed to get a man? Just curious.

I hate the Geico commercials with Mini-me and such. They make me angry and never want to look into Geico insurance ever. Couldn’t they stick with the cool gecko?

I watched the worst movie ever today, Message in a Bottle. All of that fucking buildup and then the guy dies. Listen movie people, I’m not happy about this. I watch a movie to escape reality for a few hours and not to be sad. Is it too much for a girl to ask that you give us a happy ending? I understand this is difficult if the movie is non-fiction, but this movie is a piece of fiction crap. Fucking bummer.

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Spices have been used not only for seasoning foods and creating perfumes, but also for love philters. Many were even used as a cures for impotence and sterility. All that wisdom has died off; today we add parsley to our salad and saffron to our rice without suspecting their secret properties. For aphrodisiacs herbs and spices to take effect, frequent use is recommended; it is naive to expect that at the first whiff of cinnamon in our apple tart our libido leaps up.

In past ages it was supposed that any food originating on distant shores was laden with erotic properties, including the first potatoes imported from the New World and , with greater reason, aromatic spices from what was then called the Far East. But in today’s world, in which the mystery of distance has been lost, little surprises or excites us, and we demand constantly more unnatural aphrodisiacs: battery-driven devices, and shows, live or on video, closer to pornography than the art of erotica. Pornography is method without inspiration; eroticism is inspiration without method. (Eroticism is using a feather; pornography is using the whole hen.)

Plants are subtle aphrodisiacs, and like love, they act without ostentation, discreetly, and over time. How can we lack confidence in them if nearly all of our modern pharmacopoeia rests on them? And, as habitually happens with love, the most everyday and modest are also the most precious. It is not advisable to go in pursuit of exotic plants like Cassytha filiformis, Bourveria ovata, Artemesia absinthium, and others unless your obsession is botany, because if you spend your time creeping through the woods on all fours looking for them, you will miss many opportunities to make use of them. Nature is dangerous; in its bosom hide predators, poisonous plants, irascible beasts, and bandits disguised as geographers who tend to lurk in thickets in wait for victims. One must not get carried away by bucolic curiosity but accept gratefully what can be grown in the garden or obtained in the market. Consult a list of domestic herbs and spices, and try never to run out of balsamic vinegar, the best mustard, the purest honey, and virgin olive oil (one of the few things that virginity is worth its salt), along with other fundamental ingredients to enhance your cooking and your love life.

Anise: A plant with white flowers and small, aromatic seeds used in making jams, syrups, essences, salad dressings, and liqueurs. Anise is the base for Pernod, a liqueur fashionable in nineteenth-century Europe, which, when drunk in excess, as absinthe, leads to madness and death. Have no fear, the seeds are not fatal. In many countries of the Mideast it is used to excite the lovemaking of newlyweds and to cure impotence.

Basil: It smells of summer lunches in the south of Italy. Its aromatic leaves are indispensible in any respectable kitchen. It is most effective when fresh–added at the end–but can be used dry during the preparation in certain dishes. In ancient cultures–and still in the voodoo of Haiti–basil is associated with fecundity and passion.

Bay leaf: Roman heroes were crowned with laurel leaves, a symbol of virility. The next time you dance for your lover, adorn yourself with a crown of these sacred leaves. Laughter is aphrodisiac, too. Bay leaf is used sparingly in cooking, barely a small leave or half a large one, because it has a very strong, rather bitter flavor.

Borage: Used in preparing meat and fish, as well as fresh in salads The Mapuche Indians of Chile use it as an abortificient. They brew a strong tea and drink several cups a day, until it brings on cramps and spasms, which in addition to aborting the fetus provoke evil imaginings. Used with moderation and luck, however, it fuels lust.

Cardamom: Comes in seeds that are ground for cooking or in powder, which quickly loses its aroma. In Arabic countries it is put in coffee to enrich the flavor and stimulate good feeling among friends. The seeds are chewed to refresh the mouth–let’s not forget that one of the worst enemies of passion is bad breath. In some Tantric rituals it is used as a symbol of the yoni, or female genitals.

Cayenne: A hot power made from dried, ground red pepper , which s also the base of paprika, chili powder, Tabasco, and, in Japan, santaka. It is used, sparingly, to add color, flavor, and a touch of hot taste.

Cinnamon: Extracted from the bark of the tree and used in sticks and powdered form, not only in sweets but also in meats and various curries in Asia and the Mideast. It is the classic condiment in Christmas recipes. Tea brewed from cinnamon bark is recommended as a medicine for the ill of menstruation and pregnancy.

Clove: So aromatic and spicy that is must be used with caution and removed from the food before serving, but in powdered form it is milder. Used as a condiment in desserts, meats, and many exotic dishes of the East. In Asia and South America, when there is not enough money for a dentist, a clove is placed on the affected tooth. It doesn’t cure it, but it relieves the pain and dulls one’s reason.

Cumin: Tiny seeds that give the characteristic flavor to Oriental food and to recipes of lentils and beans; the oil is used for balms and love philters.

Curry powder: Not a spice but a mixture of several: coriander, cardamom, cayenne pepper, ginger, cinnamon, mustard seeds, turmeric, and others. In Indian or Indonesian cuisine, for example, curry is prepared specifically for each dish–the proportions are often a family secret–and is always browned in oil or butter to obtain the maximum aroma and flavor. In the West we content ourselves with a yellow powder to which we give the generic name “curry,” and which is offered to us in two choices: mild or strong. The strong is for the valiant. I, however, make my own curry. And yes, it’s a secret.

Dill: The leaves and seeds are used especially with fish. In Scandinavian houses, dill is ever present on the table. Seeds will lend their aroma to a bottle of oil or vinegar, while the leaves are ideal for tickling the feet.

Fenugreek: With slightly hairy leaves and yellow seeds. It has an odor that is repugnant to the finicky. It is difficult to find, but I include it here because for centuries it has been thought in Europe to inflame low passions and provoke sensual dreams.

Ginger: The fresh root, which will last for two or three weeks in a dry place, is more flavorful, but ginger can also be obtained as powder or syrup. Its characteristic, rather hot taste enhances sweets, desserts, and innumerable exotic dishes. No Japanese kitchen is without it. Madame du Barry’s chefs prepared a mixture of egg yolks and ginger that drove this courtesan’s lovers, even Louis XV himself, to unbridled lust.

Lavender: The seeds lend their aroma to perfumes and soaps, but in the past they were used in cooking as an aphrodisiac. They are rather bitter and hot and can ruin a salad but enhance a soup. If you do not want to take chances in your kitchen, place them in a sachet beneath the pillow where you will be making love.

Lemon balm: Has a lemony taste and is good in mayonnaise, recipes that call for fresh cheese and cream, and in dressings and salads, including fruit desserts. In Chile, lemon balm is drunk as a tea because it is thought to help one lose weight.

Mint: Its fresh taste is popular in candies and drinks, but it is also used in many recipes. For the British, it is the inseparable companion to lamb. Shakespeare refers to it, along with lavender and rosemary, as a stimulant for middle-aged gentleman. It grows like a weed and so is easy to cultivate in your garden. In some countries of the Mideast, guests are always welcomed with a cup of mint tea, strong, hot, and heavily sugared. I have a cup of mint tea every night before bed.

Mustard: May be purchased as seeds, powders, and bottled. A folklore remedy for impotence is to rub the penis with mustard.

Nutmeg: A hard nut used to lend fragrance to pastries and desserts, but it also complements the flavor of some vegetables, such as spinach, and mild-flavored meats. It comes in powdered form but is more effective when grated from fresh nuts. I always add a pinch in my mashed potatoes and coffee.

Oregano: Something your kitchen cannot be without. Its strong flavor and penetrating aroma are typical of Mediterranean cuisine. A handful thrown in the hot bath shared with your partner is an erotic experience.

Parsley: Witches used parsley as one of the ingredients of the magic potion for flying. Some texts say they prepared a balm for rubbing on their body–especially the erogenous zones–whose purpose was to produce hallucinations; others that they rubbed the phallic broom of their nocturnal flights with parsley. There are more than thirty edible varieties: it is served with meat, fish, and salads, among other uses. Its freshens the breath after eating onion or garlic. Like dill, it is good for tickling and other sensual caresses, replacing the feathers.

Pepper: It brings joy to widows and alleviates the impotence of the timid. You will see that it is mentioned in nearly all the recipes in this book, excluding desserts. It is best to grind the corns in a mill as needed, not only to obtain more flavor, but for the ceremony as well, but ground pepper available in any market will do equally well.

Saffron: A reddish-orange spice, in threads of powder, that turns everything yellow–including the cook if she isn’t careful–and for that reason is used to dye cloth in Asia. In Tibet the color saffron is holy. In general, this is a very expensive spice, but to avoid its bitter taste it is used in small quantities anyway, merely two or three threads. It is the indispensable condiment in paella and other Spanish dishes and always delicious with certain shellfish. In the East, it is thought to be a stimulant. I always use saffron in my rice.

Sage: This is a favorite herb for assertive meats such as pork or game birds. It is much better fresh than dried. The soldiers of ancient Greece were welcomed by their wives with sage tea, to stimulate fertility and perpetuate the Greek race, which was always in danger of extinction because of their manic habit of following their heroes into war. Sage has a very strong aroma and must be used with moderation.

Tarragon: Much better fresh than dried. It can be preserved in a bottle of vinegar; that way it perfumes the vinegar and you have the leaves on hand when you need them.

Turmeric: Native to India, it has a rather bitter taste, a subtle fragrance, and deep yellow color. It must be used with a delicate hand, because it can obscure all other flavors.

Vanilla: indispensable condiment for sweets, ice creams, cakes, puddings, coffee, and chocolate, among others. It comes in beans and in extract or essence. If you have a choice, avoid synthetic vanilla; it has a rough, sometimes toxic flavor. Madame Pompadour’s habit of perfuming her clothes with vanilla is again in style; there are complete lines of products for the bath, lotions, creams, and perfumes with that scent. It’s one of my favorite scents and makes me happy and warm right down to my belly.

And that’s the end of my Aphrodisiac series.

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Did I get your attention? Well, it’s Saturday night and I’m home trying to work on a paper for one of my classes. Yes, it’s on S&M and bondage and the societal reactions to this sexual practice. I’m focusing on the attitudes in the Victorian period up until present day. It’s an amazingly interesting subject and I love researching it, but I freakin’ hate due dates and obligations. They weigh on me. I’m almost finished the paper. It’s not due for another two weeks, but it will take me forever to edit it because I’m super anal when it comes to the editing process. That’s why I’m good at my job. I may put the excerpts of the paper on Coquettishly, but not the whole paper as it’s way too long. I wish I could say that the paper is an exciting read, but it’s purely academic. I’ll try to post the juicy parts and some of my own personal experiences with S&M and bondage. You all know that I’ve more than dabbled.

But, writing the paper has given me a good idea of what I’m going to be next year for Halloween. I’m going to be Bettie Page. In this outfit.

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So, now I need to get running and in better shape so that I don’t embarrass myself in this outfit. Because I’m dead serious out this as a Halloween costume.

I gave a guy named Dave my phone number yesterday. I know that I have the Pilot, but you all know that he isn’t forever so I have to keep myself open for other dates. I’m not getting any younger and I’d like to have at least one child before it’s too late. I’m starting to get the pangs. It’s like my uterus is having a fit because I haven’t let it do what it’s supposed to do. Anyhow, I sometimes wish things were different with the Pilot but I live in the real world and I fooled myself into thinking he wanted the same things that I did last time. I’m trying very hard to take our seeing each other for what it is and not read anything more into it. So, maybe this guy Dave is normal. If not, you all know that I’ll tell you everything.

Inbred nephew has been over all day. I was in my garage earlier today and he stood there looking at me like I was dinner. I ignored him, which was hard to do because I wanted to laugh my ass off. He asked me if I had any plans for tonight. I told him it was none of his business and he called me a bitch. Nice, huh? I responded with, “Oh, you have no idea….” and went home.

I spoke with my sister today and she and her husband plan to move back here by next summer. Currently, they’re living in Lancaster, PA and this whole pregnancy thing has made them realize how far away they are to both of their families. I’m excited to have my little sister back. I miss her sometimes and I know my mother does.

The old lady next door is trying to unload her friends 3 year old cat onto me. I’m not sure if I want another cat. Stella Marie is enough. She is still a little nutty and if her reaction to the neighbors cat a few weeks ago, getting another cat at this point is not a good idea. She’d tear the shit out of it.

Ah, I have to get back to my paper. Ugh.

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Alcohol’s worst defect is that converted into a vice it destroys anyone who drinks it, and its greatest virtue is that in moderate quantities it produces the illusion of well-being and sparks a desire for celebration.

In ancient times Bacchus and Dionysus, the Greek and Roman gods of wine, ecstasy, and eroticism, figured prominently in their pantheons; they had their equivalent in nearly all pantheistic mythologies. Orgiastic festivals were celebrated in in their honor, during which the masses poured into the street to drink and fornicate without restraint…hmmm, doesn’t sound like bad thing.

Absinthe, or wormwood: A green liqueur extracted from the plant of the same name (Artemisia absinthium) to which various herbs are added; it has had a reputation for being a powerful aphrodisiac since the time of the Greeks, but it is so toxic that in 1915 it was outlawed in France and then later in other countries. It causes muscular and gastric spasms and if consumed on a regular basis leads to paralysis and death. Absinthe is served with a little water and sugar to cut the bitter taste. In the nineteenth century it was the favorite drink of intellectuals and artists because it was believed to convoked the muses. I have had the opportunity to try absinthe on several occasions and have found that it makes the blood rush directly to my clitoris.

Amaretto: Made from the almond, it has a sweet, strong flavor. It is used as a digestive and in cocktails and desserts. Its erotic reputation comes from the almond, the mythological fruit born of the womb of a goddess, as I have already pointed out here.

Anise: Popular in France and Spain, this is a transparent liquid that turns milky when mixed with water. The well-known brand Marie Brizard was created in the city of Bordeaux in 1755 by a woman of that name, known for her good heart. They say that she saved a man’s life during an epidemic and that in payment he whispered the secret for making the liqueur in her ear. The woman became so rich and devoted a large part of her fortune to charitable works. Similar to absinthe in flavor but less toxic, anise is the base of several aphrodisiac liqueurs such as Pernod, Ricard, Pastis, and arak, the national liquor of the Greeks and Turks.

Benedictine: This name derives from that if its originators, the Benedictine monks of France, themselves chaste, who surely didn’t suspect that they were contributing another aphrodisiac to the long list of temptations humanity must suffer.

Calvados: Native to Normandy, this is an apple liqueur, intense and velvety like all good brandy, to which are attributed the same invigorating qualities as the fruit. In the past is was also as a tonic for staying youthful.

Champagne: The inarguable queen of wines, indispensable at celebrations. A sparkling white wine from the Champagne region of France, it can be successfully produced elsewhere, but only the authentic wine can be called by that name. Champagne is always drunk in good company and at moments of celebration, which may be why it acts as an aphrodisiac even when that is not the intent. Sparkling and light, it goes down without a thought, and it is more intoxicating than wine because, thanks to the bubbles, the alcohol enters the bloodstream so rapidly. Champagne is considered a “feminine” wine and is thought to have more erotic effects on women than on men. In the feasts of ancient imperial Rome, baths were filled with bubbling wine, in which naked men and women frothed and frolicked. Champagne made soley from the Chardonnay grape is the driest and most prized.

Cognac, brandy, and Armagnac: Henry IV of France made this drink stylish as an aphrodisiac; the idea spread rapidly, and soon, as a precaution, gentleman began having a glass before going to bed, just in case the wife didn’t have a headache that night. Thus originated the custom of ending a good dinner with a cigar and a glass of cognac or brandy, a ritual in which the women did not share.

Kirsch: Made from a cherry base, kirsch is very much in vogue for lending a bouquet to champagne or white wine, the drink of the elegant. The aphrodisiac power of this mixture lies primarily in the festive reputation of the champagne, and surely in the rosy color it gives the cocktail, a treat to the eye.

Parfat Amour: A rare lavender-scented liquor once served in a few refined brothels in France because it was believed that it instantly stimulated the libido. It has gone out of style but still can be found, in case anyone wants to get me a bottle.

Sherry and port: Strong, sweet wines, very popular in Portugal and Spain, served at any time of the day other than with a meal. In the past, the favorites of women because of their delicate texture.

Vodka: Like many strong liquors–whisky, gin, tequila, and others–vodka is notparticularlyy aphrodisiac, except in the moderate quantities that relax inhibitions.

Wine: Wine can be an amazingly erotic experience, enhancing a romantic interlude by relaxing our bodies and stimulating our senses. Alone, it adds a sophisticated sex appeal to social events and personal meals. Let your eyes feast on the color of the liquid, caress the glass, and savor the taste on your lips; but remember that larger amounts of alcohol will make you too drowsy for after-dinner romance. Discovering ways to make wines more fruitful, spicy, or seductive can also help us uncover new secrets to seduction. Whether making wine or love, exotic layers adds a wave of sensuality to the whole experience. The taste of the wine, the bouquet, the tang on the tongue and the soothing reactions that wine inspires makes it such a fabulous drink for romance. Carefully crafted wine combinations can turn this magnificent experience into something truly magical. Many ancient aphrodisiac wine recipes are tightly interwoven with myth. During the 17th century, a strengthening aphrodisiac was created from adding cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, rosemary and thyme in wine and allowing it to rest for a week before straining. The resulting spiced wine was drank each day to enhance sexual prowess.

Please look for my last installment, Herbs and Spices: Aphrodisiacs Part 6

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There are many vegetarians in this world who, despite their pallor and anguished souls, survive and reproduce perfectly well. Peoples who diets contain very little meat are those who have the highest demographic explosion and those who have most diligently cultivated the art of the erotic, which is why I have serious doubts about the true aphrodisiac powers of the flesh of animals. But that’s my opinion.

Beef: The most delicate and easily digested cut is a fillet. Italians maintain that raw meat is erotic and often serve it in very fine, nearly transparent, slices called carpaccio. Raw meat has been eaten since ancient times, except that its erotic properties were not recognized then.

Goat: The ram symbolizes male sexual energy, but its flesh is tough and strong-smelling. This animal has the curious habit of rolling in its urine to attract the female. In view of all these things, we humans prefer eating the more tender kids in the full bloom of their charm and innocence.

Rabbit: A silly brother to the hare, a fluffy and timid animal who when alive evokes immediate sympathy but cooked can be mistaken for the family cat. It has a very strong odor, which is why it must be washed inside and out with vinegar water, then rinsed, dried, and perfumed with lemon before cooking.

Pig and sheep: Forget them, they’re not aphrodisiac in any way.

Testicles: (Are we women fascinated by orchids because they get their name from the Greek word for these ody parts, orkhis?) From time immemorial, the organs of certain animals have had a reputation for having erotic properties. Women don’t eat them. Men do, but it gives them the shivers when they relate what’s on the plat with their own anatomy. In Asia they prefer monkey testicles, in American the bull’s, in other parts of the world those of sheep and rams. In the United States, animal testes are called Rocky Mountain oysters. Chopped and cooked, they don’t look like what they are, but even so, don’t give it away until your guests are through gorging on them.

Liver and kidney: Beef or sheep kidneys are a common item on menus on French and Spanish restaurants and save English cuisine from total disaster served up in the form of their famous steak-and-kidney pie, one of the few indigenous recipes of Great Britain that can be eaten with pleasure and not out of sheer necissity. In older days, it was believed that the center of energy of life was the liver, not the heart as we now suppose, which is why power as a sexual stimulant was attributed to this organ. Not everyone likes liver. Liver extract in pill form is sold in health-food stores for anyone who desires the benefits without havin to go through the disgusting process of chewing the meat.

Turtle: Venus, the goddess of love, has been represented riding on a turtle’s back; its uplifted head symbolizes a phallus. Aphrodite Porne, patron of prostitutes in ancient Greece, was accompanied by a goose, whose long neck was an allegory–a rather optimistic one–for the male member. And Leda embraced her lascivious swan…In any case, it seems to me that mythology has stretched thins little far. In the East, the flesh of the turtle is greatly appreciated for its stimulating virtues, and in antiquity it was an obligatory dish in the court of China: it was believed that, like birds’ nest soups, it could inflame the decadent appetites of the emperor. Incidentally, these nests are obtained in caves, particularly those of Malaysia, where a certain kind of swallows lay their eggs. The birds build the nests from sea algae pasted together with a salivalike secretion. To collct them when they are fresh, the natives climb the slippery rocks in the darkness, steadying themselves with bamboo poles. They risk not only breaking their necks in a fall but also coming across poisonous insects and infuritated swallows. The enterprise is very lucrative because of the numbers of males in the world who are uncertain of their virility. The nests are cleaned, pressed, and packed before being sent to the markets of Asia, whre clients pay true fortunes for a few grams of this questionable aphrodisiac.

Snail: They owe their reputation for being erotic to the belief that they resemble the clitoris, emerging from and disappearing amongst feminine creases and folds. I find this metaphor offensive.

Next up, Liquors: Aphrodisiacs Part 5.

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