Archive for the ‘The Clitorides’ Category

I’ve had no motivation to post anything lately. I’ve having brain farts every time I think I want to write something.

Last night, I dog-sat my mom’s dog. I had to sleep over because the dog is a bit needy. That dog slept in the bed with me…in the center…wrapped in the blankets. So, I don’t have to say that I didn’t get any sleep. The dog gets depressed when my mom and stepdad leave. Oy!

I’ve decided to take several people up on their ideas. Or use their ideas. Or take their advice. Or whatever. I bought a microphone and will occasionally post podcasts on here. I think it’s better than the radio show because I don’t have to commit to scheduling. I felt forced with the radio show. I’m amazed by how many people have emailed me saying they miss my show. Seriously? I talked about rubbish and foolishness. Thanks to those of you who emailed me about this. It’s really flattering. I don’t know when the podcasts will appear on here, but they will.

That is all I have. The other two blogs (look over on the sidebar) are updated too. I’m going to eat a piece of this cake now. I promise to post something better tomorrow.

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My week. Um, yeah. What can I say?

I have bronchitis. After taking two days off last week to rest my sick ass, I can’t take any more days off for a while. So, I’m working sick.

Coughing up a fucking lung.

I returned the $300 boots. I just couldn’t justify keeping them. I already have about 60 pairs of shoes. So, I hobbled over to Kenneth Cole and returned them. When the saleswoman asked why I was returning them I said, “I was drunk when I bought them.” She laughed.

My blisters are insane. The one on my pinky toe (wee wee all the way home) is so deep that it’s been bleeding all week. I haven’t been able to wear pretty shoes and anything less than two bandaids wrapped around it is excruciating.

On Monday I had to appear in court as a witness for Karen’s, the homeless woman, trial. I haven’t heard from her in about 2 months and so, I wasn’t feel that tickled about going. But, I got a formal subpoena and had no choice.

I got to the courtroom and Karen was there, looking clean and…well clean. I spoke with her attorney and then I approached Karen. She told me that she got help for her drug addiction and has been clean for about a month. And she found a place to live. She is living in a house with someone that her treatment program hooked her up with. The doggies are with her.

So, she turns to me with tears in her eyes and she says, “Debbie, I would never have gotten help and found a place to live without you and Gary helping me.” I gave her a hug.

I know that I was cussing her out and very pissed about her not contacting me. I felt duped and that I was taken advantage of. And now…

All I have to say is that helping people really does work.

I have officially canceled my radio show. I think that I can safely say that it’s the moment when this blog ‘jumped the shark‘. I’d rather save my good stuff for this space. We’re coming up to our two year anniversary here and I think that I can do better than I’ve been.

That being said, I’ve been thinking about something all week and I thought I’d share it.

I think people throw around the word bitter too easily. When someone is justified in their anger, frustration, annoyance, or mistrust, it seems people are quick to chalk it up to bitterness. Is that the right reaction? Are most of the people labeled ‘bitter’ really so? I want to hear from you, tell me what you think.

Oh, and I’m going to try to update all of my blogs by Sunday. And catch up with all your blogs.

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My trip

Hey everyone. I was finally able to host my radio show tonight. It’s been two weeks. I’m sure you all forgot about it.

Anyhow, I was going to write a ridiculously long post about my trip to Tennessee but I decided to tell the story on my radio show. Listen here:

Shameless plug for my show….you bet! Enjoy.

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there is a show tonight. I forgot to announce it.

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Another show tonight at 9:30 PM. Go to the sidebar and click the button, not the player (unless you want to hear last week’s show). I had 9 live listeners and a call in last week. I felt so loved.

Let’s see if I can stay awake long enough to finish the show tonight. I’m fucking tired today. Like bones aching, muscles giving me the finger tired.

Anywho, here are some things I’ll talk about in case you were on the fence about listening.

  • My week in review.
  • Vagina removal, who’s next?
  • Why being a do-gooder is exhausting and burdensome?
  • My thoughts on imitation crab meat. Or imitation fish. Or imitation anything.
  • Why I only date men who make more money than me?
  • Why sissy men irritate the fuck out of me and why I can’t ever date one?
  • I will read an excerpt from a romance novel that has the most ridiculously funny sex scene in the history of bodice rippers.
  • As always, I invite people to call in and talk to me.

Now, go read the post below. It’s funny.

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If you’re interested in listening to me talk for an hour, tune in tonight at 9:30 PM. Click here and then go to Show 8. Or you can download the podcast. My show is now available on iTunes.

I might talk about the following things:

  • My last two weeks. There’s a lot of shit here.
  • Vagina removal, who’s next?
  • My views on race.
  • How I think MySpace is retarded, and I’ve given it many many chances.

And as always, you can call in and talk or IM me.

Oh, and I promise that this is the last time I’m changing the time of the show!

Hope you listen.

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Well, I know you’re all heartbroken…erm the 2 people that listen to the show anyway. I had to cancel the show because I totally forgot that my niece, the little Miss Morgan la fey, is in a play tonight and that is more important than me talking rubbish for an hour. She is an orphan in the muscial Annie and I can’t freaking wait to see her in it. She’s a star.

I’m really tired this week. I have so much stuff going on and lots to tell you all, but time is not on my side. I promise to post a good post tomorrow night. Things you can look forward to reading about are:

  • peeing ones pants
  • my boobies
  • Quizzo and how I get irritated at company happy hours
  • boogers
  • orange poo
  • neighbors
  • porn and computer viruses
  • how I’ve perfected my ‘Woody Woodpecker’ laugh
  • and much more

Oh, my life is so much fun.

If you really need to hear my voice, and you know you do you sexy bitch, then go listen to my archives. They’re super cool.

Kisses, my bitches.

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That’s right. My show is tonight. Check it out, 10 PM EST. Click the button on the sidebar. It should be fun, cause I’m not feeling that great.

Things I’ll ramble on about:

  • My week.
  • Wal-mart.
  • Who am I taking the vagina away from tonight?
  • While we’re on the subject of vaginas
  • Anal sex with the Pilot
  • Rock of Love and how fucking retarded and cheesy these people are
  • Eyeliner on men, a bad idea
  • The Jerk Off
  • My favorite songs
  • I don’t get Fergie or Beyonce or the Pussycat dolls
  • What happened to Lauren Hill?
  • And my thoughts on Harry Potter, which I’ll save until the end because there will be spoilers
  • Call ins and such…

Until later.

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…at 10PM, EST. Go here, click the segments tab, and click the listen button. Or download the podcast. Or listen to it here from the sidebar. Or whatever.

Because tonight, besides being a sleepy mess, I’ll be talking about the following topics (oooo ahhh, so exciting):

  1. What I did this week? Be prepared to be bored out of your skull.
  2. Which women will be losing their vagina this week?
  3. My pedicure from hell (yeah, I know you all are tuning in just to hear this one) and why my big piggy hurts.
  4. Sex (what else is new).
  5. The guy I have a crush on.
  6. While I’m on the subject of crushes, blog crushes and my conversation with a friend about ours. I’m going to name names. Gee whiz.
  7. Harry Potter, both the movie and the new book.
  8. Random things, like my favorite personal ads on Craigslist and neat-o searches from my Statcounter and other really stupid things.
  9. The fucking greatest thing I’ve ever seen….Ninja Warrior on G4.
  10. Updates about my infamous coworkers.
  11. Why I think running at 4:30 AM is crap and why I’m still doing it.
  12. My rant about why I’m not getting as many comments as I used to get. I went from 40 or so a post to under ten now. What gives? Am I sucking that bad?
  13. Call ins…that is, if anyone decides to actually call in the show and talk to me.

I’m sure I’ll have other things to say, so tune in. If you want to hear my opinion about something or hear my phone sex operator voice, let me know. I was kidding about the last part. Maybe. Sort of. No really, I was.

Kisses, my babies.

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