Archive for the ‘The nice men’ Category

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The date went very very very well. We went to my favorite Indian restaurant in Philly. We then went to one of my favorite bars. We then drove around South Jersey talking. We drove for 4 hours.

I know I didn’t want the date to end, and I’m assuming he didn’t either since he was the one that kept suggestion more places to drive to. He made me laugh. He has the same sense of humor as me. He likes the same music. He’s as smart as I am, so I can have a really intellectual conversation with him. And I can also have a silly conversation with him too. He fully supports my idea of my becoming a ninja and even came up with some cool ideas of his own. You see, he totally gets my sense of humor.

He kissed me when he dropped me off at 3 AM this morning. It was a terrific kiss. And then I went to up to my apartment and he went home. I woke up and found that he had emailed me saying how much fun he had. And then he called me around noon.

It’s nice to have a good date with a man I’m really attracted to. Yay!!!!

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A few years ago, I dated a very nice man named John. I thought he was a great guy and he always made me laugh. He was sweet and romantic. We dated for about 4 months.

Dating John was a bit weird at times. He was shy about sex…erm, he was shy about his body more like. I didn’t think anything of it really, since I’m not a pushy person and people come around in their own time right?

After 2 months of just kissing and maybe some ‘tune in Tokyo’ play (that’s fucking annoying guys), I asked him if he was ready to make the journey to third base. He seemed shy, but excited. The date following that conversation moved along nicely. He was very generous. Very very generous. One of the best oral sex givers I’ve ever met. But, he didn’t want anything in return. Weird, but I figured that maybe he was really nice.

After another month of this shit, I was frustrated. I like to be a participant when getting it on and this was too boring. Yes, I was loving the orgasms but I wanted to play too. I mean, you all know I love a cock. And blow jobs are my favorite. Yup. You heard right.

So, being the shy person I am (laughing here), I asked him what gives? I believe I worded it like this, “John sweetie, why don’t you want me to see your dick?” I’m a charmer, I know.

He gets red in the face and says that he doesn’t want us to break up. I’m worried. I ask if he has herpes, warts, canker sores, crabs, some new shit not yet discovered….what? He whispers into my shoulder, “My penis is really small.”

Now, this is something I can handle. Most guys don’t have small penis’, they just might be growers and not show’ers (see how I avoided typing the word shower…I’m so cool). I’m quite understanding when it comes to penis size. Most women are, trust me on this. I’ve been with guys who have such big dicks that my vagina said, “Fuck this shit” and closed up. It says something to be average in this area. And maybe have a bit of girth, cause that’s nice.

Anyhow, back to….

I tell him that he’s worrying for no reason and that I’m sure his penis is just right. He looks me in the eyes and says, “No Debbie, you don’t understand what I’m saying. It’s really small.” I roll my eyes and suggest that we start really slow because I want him to enjoy himself too.

I start rubbing him through his jeans and he closed his eyes. He seemed to be enjoying himself. Curious though, I didn’t feel anything stir in his pants. Hmmm, I kept rubbing and I felt a little bit of hardness finally. I figure that most of his penis got tucked between his legs in a strange transvestite way by mistake (shut up, you know I’m retarded sometimes). I ask him if it’s okay if we take his pants off and he agrees. He pulls his pants off and I’m fucking shocked.

Never in my life have I seen a penis that small. I tried to hide my reaction and attempted to go down on him just to prove that I’m up for the challenge. I really liked this guy. It was like putting half of a hotdog in my mouth. I shit you not. It was that small. And hairy. Yeah…so hot. After a few minutes of trying to give him a proper blowjob, I stopped. He said that it felt good and then he suggested we try intercourse.

I had my doubts. Mostly because I didn’t know they made condoms that small, but he had one so what do I know. But I also had doubts because I do kegels and even knowing that I keep my vagina in shape, I didn’t think it would work. And my vagina was like, “Bitch, what the fuck do you think that’s going to do? You use tampons bigger than that.” Which was true. My vagina never lies. But being the super awesome girlfriend that I am, I wanted to try.

It didn’t even register. I’m serious. I hardly felt him. I watched him awkwardly moving against me. He was concentrating so hard. I felt like he was dry humping me. After a while of enduring that annoyance (harsh but true), he stopped suddenly and started jerking himself off over me. I had to swallow my laughter. He was holding his penis between his middle finger and thumb. It was the saddest thing I’d ever seen, but for some reason, also the funniest.

He came and collapsed on his back next to me. After a few minutes, I sat up to talk to him and looked at his flaccid penis. And it looked like a hairy acorn. That’s all I could think about.

hairy acorn hairy acorn hairy acorn hairy acorn hairy acorn hairy acorn hairy acorn

After our date, I think he knew it was over. I cried that night because he was so nice and I did really like him, but not enough to give up the cock. Seeing his penis just turned me off. Maybe it’s a primitive instinct to equate penis size with virility or maybe I’m just a shallow bitch. Either way, I knew that a hairy acorn wasn’t for me.

We broke up the next day.

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Affinity (n): A natural attraction, liking, or feeling of kinship.

In August I started to talking to a wonderful man. We met through this blog and even though we lived a few hundred miles apart, it seemed that I had met someone who understood me…who got me. Know what I mean? We would talk for hours upon hours. Some conversations lasting 8 hours. We’d talk until the wee hours of morning. I was really happy. I loved talking to him. He made me feel normal, justified in my reactions to life and my experiences. He made me feel good.

We exchanged loads of pictures and emailed everyday. It was awesome. We arranged for a weekend to meet up and kept on talking, excitement about the future date coloring the phone calls brightly and vibrantly.

Attraction (n): The electric or magnetic force exerted by oppositely charged particles, tending to draw or hold the particles together.

Life is fucking unfair at times. This man that I liked and was so emotionally attracted to…attached to met up with me this weekend. And he was exactly like he was in his pictures. And he was exactly like he was on the phone. But there was no spark. No physical attraction. On both of our ends. It was like hanging out with an old friend, not a potential date. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time hanging with him and we are definitely going to remain friends. It’s just so unfair that I find this great guy and there is no chemistry. Fucking sucks.

Oh well. I’m taking a break from men for a while. Not because of this particular incident, but I haven’t just chilled out and been alone in over a year. I’ve decided to date myself for a while before I get back into the thick of things again.

To the guy who just left my house and who came all the way here to meet me. You’re great and thank you for everything.

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