Archive for the ‘The nuts on the street’ Category

I had one of the most mundane wonderful weekends ever. I love the low excitement, regular life stuff.

I took Friday off to do spring cleaning. I cleaned my whole place and my porch. I bought a new shower curtain and rugs for the bathroom. I bought a new springtime flag and a pretty sign to hang on my door that say “Love to all who enter here”. Yes, I’m corny like that. Here are some pictures.

Yesterday, I bought some birdseed and wild animal feed.  I spread it around the front and side yard and have enjoyed watching the squirrels and birds go crazy.  I like feeding the wildlife.  Some people get pissed off about it, but I say screw them.  It makes me happy to hear the birds chirping and the squirrels fed.

I did laundry this morning and I have to say, probably for the 1000’th time, that I hate the laundry mat.  Hate hate hate it..  I do my laundry every two weeks.  This includes clothing, towels, and sheets.  I usually take up about 6 washers.  I get there today and it’s crazy busy.  I load up the washers and sit down to wait.  A younger man and his mother are loading up dryers near me and he starts yelling at her.  Calling her a fucking liar and how if she died he wouldn’t fucking care.  He kept repeating, “I wouldn’t even fucking care.”  I shot him a dirty look which he caught.  After a while, I loaded the dryers and sat back down.  A young Mexican woman sat down next to me with a baby.  I smiled at her and she smiled at me.  I happy to inform you, my wonderful readers, that she had her canine teeth capped with vampire fangs that had gold stripes going down them.  Fucking classy, right?

My aunt got some bad news recently.  I seems that some of her tumors have grown.  She’s been in a lot of pain and they put her on morphine.  I’ve been around cancer to know what this means.  She’s coming to NJ to visit in two weeks and I have to make the most of the visit.  I have to be honest with myself and admit that it might be the last time I see her.

I’m watching No Country for Old Men and it’s good, except I’ve come to realize that the older I get the more I can’t deal with these violent movies.  I don’t want to watch them, it makes me sick and disturbs me.  And I can’t take all of the animals being killed.  I know they really weren’t killed, but I don’t want to think about it.

I suppose my sister is doing okay.  I haven’t heard anything.  My dad hasn’t called me since she got out of the hospital.  I guess he doesn’t need me.  I asked him to give me her address and a telephone number where I could reach her.  And I’m still waiting.  Nice, huh?

And lastly, I hate cell phones.  I hate when people call me on my cell to tell me stupid shit or to just talk.  I have a home line and when I’m not home, leave me a fucking message.  Unless it’s an emergency or if you need me to pick something up for you or something like that, there is no reason to disturb me while I’m shopping or driving.  I have no desire to talk on the phone in front of strangers.  Again, leave a message on my home answering machine and I’ll call you back.  I know it’s old school, but I like it that way.

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I drive by a hospital on my way home from work every day. The hospital is about 5 minutes from my house.

So, today I was stopped at a red light and I looked over to my left. There was a man, barefoot in a hospital gown, running across the street. He flashed by, bare ass swinging in the breeze. He stopped traffic. Literally.

Nobody was running after him, which I think is kind of weirder than him running around like an escaped lunatic. Maybe he was. It was one of the most surreal moments I can remember witnessing.

So, what do you all think he was running from? Get creative and leave your theory in the comments.

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I don’t have much to say today. I’ve been super busy at work trying to wrap up everything nicely before my vacation. I will say that I’m sick of summer already. The humidity is killing me. My hair, already thick and curly, is beyond help this morning. I had to pull it back for fear it would suffocate me. I’m uncomfortable in my clothes and I feel miserable from the heat. How many days until autumn? About 100.

Yesterday, while walking to get some lunch at my favorite burrito place, I saw a woman standing just next to the door of the Starbucks next door. I recognized her as one of the regular homeless/crazy people that frequent this part of the city. As I get closer to her I notice that she keeps pointing to her crotch and talking to random people walking by. I get closer and I notice that she’s only talking to the men on the street. As I walk by I hear her say to the man next to me, “Hey buddy, I’m juiced up here.” (points to her crotch) “I don’t’ know how long it will last.” So, I chuckled and went in to get my burrito. I’m standing in line and I started giggling. Then I started laughing. And I couldn’t stop. Because everytime the shop’s door opened I heard this woman announcing that she was juiced up. By the time it was my turn to order, I was crying and holding my pained stomach. The woman behind the counter takes one look at me and says, “We don’t serve the crazies. You’re not crazy are you?” This made me start laughing all over again and after a few seconds I got some control over myself, ordered, and left. And yes, the juiced up homeless woman was still there pointing at her crotch.

And did I have my camera? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Update: I went to get Indian food for lunch today (I’m having an ethnic week, huh?) and the same homeless/crazy woman was on the corner near my building saying the same damn thing. I would have told her to go underground to suburban station to find someone who would be appreciative of your juiciness, but then I remembered that those men down there only like to fuck men.

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