I’m sure that the title of the post woke you up. Good. The title was actually to me. I just don’t want to do anything that would make me disappointed in myself. Does that make sense?
Yesterday, I attended the wedding of my parent’s two friends. It was a great time, although I spent most of the reception outside since it was stifling inside the fire hall. It was so gorgeous outside. It would take me a week’s worth of posts to describe how much I love this time of year.
After the reception, people were invited back to the happy couple’s house. My sister and I went for a couple of hours. We had some food and after eating I felt exhausted. I got home around 11:30 PM and showered and went to bed.
At 3:30 AM my ringing phone woke me up. I read the caller ID not quite believing my eyes. The Pilot?
I answer the phone. My heart was beating so hard that my whole body felt it. He sounded a bit drunk which is very odd. He’s never drunk. He never loses control. He hasn’t called me in months.
I ask him what’s going on and he says that has bad news for me. I can honestly say that I thought he was going to tell me he gave me an STD or something. What else could he be calling me for? Especially since I walked away from him the last time I saw him.
But, he doesn’t have an STD or anything like that. He called to tell me that he’s going to be stationed somewhere else and that he’s leaving in a few months. I asked him why he felt he had to tell me this at 3:30 AM today when we hadn’t spoken or been in touch in months. He said that he was thinking about me because it was would have been our 3 year anniversary today.
I totally forgot.
Does that mean I’m finally over him or does it mean that so much has happened in the past few months that I haven’t had time to really think about anniversary’s with exes?
I tell him that I appreciate his call, but I’m tired. He says to keep in touch. Yeah right. If I keep in touch I will be on my knees again, a little pathetic slave to him. I truly believe that he is like a drug to me. One taste and I’m hooked again.
I wish that there is an end to this story now. Maybe when he leaves, I can finally get over him. Or maybe I’ll meet someone who will fuck the memory of him out of me.
Seriously though, right now I don’t want a relationship with anyone. All I want is a regular fuck. Someone who will leave me alone all week and will come over on the weekends for some sex. I don’t want tenderness or love or promises. That kind of shit makes me feel tired and drained. I don’t want emails all week about how much you’re thinking about me. I just want a phone call saying what time to expect you.
Is that cold?
Anyhow, the phone call ended with me telling him goodbye for good. I told him that. Goodbye forever.
So, of course I couldn’t sleep after this. I’ve been tired all day sitting here in my pjs watching movies and trying not to think about anything involving the Pilot or love or the last time I had sex or the next time I’m going to have sex or………
Coquettishly is updated. Yes, I know it’s been months. Maybe if I was getting any, I would be more willing to write about sex. Or maybe if I write about sex, then the sex will come. Who knows?