Archive for the ‘The Stinkies’ Category

That title is really really really long, huh?

I have a lot to say, so I’m going to list it to make it easier on me poor addled sleep-deprived brain.  And it ain’t going to be in the order of the title either. 

  1. Why did I get two kittens?  What are their stories?  Why was I even considering getting 1 kitten when I had two fiercely gorgeous bitches at home?  Because I’m a sucker for a sad story and cuteness, that’s why.  The woman, Bobbie, who had given me Roslin, called me 3 weeks ago in a tizzy, telling me that Roslin’s mother had given birth to a litter in her (Bobbie) neighbor’s lawn mower bag.  Bobbie and the neighbor got the kittens and mommy cat situated in a box on Bobbie’s porch.  All seemed well, until that afternoon.  Her town was having a block party and the motorcycles spooked the mommy cat.  She took one of her babies with her and left the other 3.  If you recall, Roslin and her litter mates were abandoned by the same mommy.  Apparently, she’s extremely skittish.*  Hayden was one of the three abandoned by mommy, Nina was the one kitten that the mommy took.  So, Hayden has been hand-fed since day 1.  Bobbie found Nina walking around the backyard last week and brought her in the house.  When I got there, I was coming for only Hayden.  I wanted a boy cat and Bobbie was holding him for me.  But, then I saw him cuddling with Nina.  She looked up at me and I gasped.  Bobbie told me that she had homes for all of the other kittens, but not for Nina.  I just didn’t think and said, “I’ll take both of the babies.”  And that’s how I became a crazy fucking cat lady.  If someone told me a few years ago that I would have this many animals, I would have laughed in their face.  Damn.
  2. And why aren’t people who have multiple dogs mocked and labeled?  I know a lady with 6 dogs and nobody calls her crazy.  Just sayin.
  3. I have to clean my office.  Bad.  You can’t see the top of my desk because of all of the junk in there.  I’m sure nobody cares that I need to clean my office, but writing it hear seems like a promise to myself.  It’s written down, so now I must do it.  Or something like that.  I’m sure I’ll put it off another week or two.
  4. I think I’m going to start recording podcasts again.  They were fun and maybe I can talk some of my friends and family members to be guests.  I’ll talk my sister into it tonight.  Now, if only I could remember how to post the podcasts…
  5. Oh, and I found a webcam in my desk drawer.  How long have I had it…who the hell knows?  I’m not even sure if it’s a good one.  It’s probably one of those webcams that has a delay by a second or ten and the playback is like watching a record skip.  And the audio is out of time with the visual.  I’ll have to check it out.  Maybe I can show you how big of a bitch Stella Marie is.
  6. Oh, Stella Marie.  She is pissed.  I mean, PISSED!!!!!!!!!!  She is all like, “What the fuck is in that bathroom moving around? Why must you do this to me?  I am a spoiled brat and don’t want to share you with anyone?  It’s bad enough you brought that pain in the ass Roslin home…two more?  Bitch, I will claw you until you scream.”  Roslin is so scared of Stella that I had to accompany her to use the litter box.  Yes, I had to stand there while she pooped and Stella hissed like a fucking mental case.  And let’s not even talk about my lack of sleep because of Stella Marie’s hissing, spitting, yowling, growling, and screaming.  Such. A. Drama. Queen.  I told her yesterday that she might as well get all of that foolishness out of her system right now, because the kitties are staying.  She turned her back to me and walked away growling.  She had dingle-berries on her butt, so that kind of diminished her haughtiness.  Of course, I had to cut them out.  So, I guess in some strange way she won that argument.  She certainly wasn’t wiping my ass.
  7. I have to cook cook cook for my mother’s party tomorrow.  She graduated from college, yay, and we’re throwing a gigantic party.  I hate the prep, but it’s so worth it in the end.  It should be a great time.  I’ll try to take some pictures.  All of my stinkies (Morgan, Connor, Rylee, and Colin) will be there. 
  8. Morgan wants a kitten and is coming to visit me today to see my babies.  My sister-in-law promised that if Morgan made the principle’s list she would be able to get a kitten.  She already told me that she’d name that kitten Keira or Zoe.  I asked her, “What if it’s a boy?”  She cocked her head and gave me a raised brow, “Aunt Debbie, I don’t want a boy cat.  How can I have a secret club for girls and have a boy cat?”  Makes perfect sense.
  9. Blog Drama.  Or better yet, Blogworld Drama or whatever you want to call it.  I’ve read about 5 posts in the past day dealing with it and I’m like, what the hell, and creeped out.  Does anyone take this blog shit (or life!) that seriously?  I mean, come on people.  It’s the one way you can be sure I will lose my interest in your blog, write about blog drama or posts dedicated to haters or whatever.  I used to do that and then I realized that it was retarded.  So retarded.  I have haters and I don’t give a shit if they come to my blog 100 times a day.  Happy reading to all, even the people who hate me.  Maybe that’s why my blog isn’t as popular as it used to be.  I don’t care about the blogdrama crap and I’m certainly not signing up for that club.  It’s so tedious and middle school and I have better things to do, like clean my office or learn ninja moves or poopy-scoop 4 litter boxes or masturbate or clean my bellybutton.  When I read a blog, I want to hear about a person’s days or thoughts on politics or how good he/she were fucked the night before or some creative stories or something that challenges my believe system and makes me go and learn something new…that type of shit.  Who buys into this form of Blogs of Our Lives bullshit?  It’s kind of disturbing.  Stop it.  Stop writing about it.  You’ll be happier.
  10. I just realized that my whole family will be at my mom’s tomorrow for the party.  Oy vey. 

*Mommy cat was fixed last week, thankfully.

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So, my bout with the stomach flu is over. I’m finally feeling like myself. I went to the doctor and got a B12 shot and he told me to start eating meat again. I’m not going to eat it every day, but maybe once a week. I’m B12 deficient.

Why am I stressed out? I need $1800 by tomorrow. I’m fucking desperate. My car is totally dying and my step-dad found a car for me to buy, but I don’t have any money. The guy won’t hold the car after Tuesday. Yay for me. It’s a terrible time for my car to die. I would ask my parents if I could borrow the money, but my mom is having surgery in April so I don’t want to ask her. And my dad has no money. I can’t go to a bank to borrow money because even though I could pay $200 a month, my credit isn’t that great. Student loans are a bitch. So, basically I’m screwed.

Can you tell I’m freaking out?!!!?

Yesterday was Colin’s birthday party. It was loads of work, but fun. Enjoy these pictures.

Isn’t he cute? He loved his cake. I love this little stinky.

Thank you all for your nice ‘get well’ wishes. I’m too stressed out to write right now.

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So, Stella Marie is sick. Tuesday night I noticed her eye was weepy and she was having trouble keeping it open. I thought that maybe she had something in it. I woke up yesterday morning and her eye was swollen and oozing. I called the vet and took her last night. By that time, her eye was oozing green stuff.

The vet thinks that sometime over the weekend Roslin knicked her in the eye. Stella Marie had a high fever and the eye was very infected. I have to rub ointment on her eyeball and give her antibiotics twice a day. Oy.
I cried a little. I love my little girl.
And now, may I present the cutest baby in the world….my nephew Colin. I can’t stop looking at these pictures.

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Well, I know you’re all heartbroken…erm the 2 people that listen to the show anyway. I had to cancel the show because I totally forgot that my niece, the little Miss Morgan la fey, is in a play tonight and that is more important than me talking rubbish for an hour. She is an orphan in the muscial Annie and I can’t freaking wait to see her in it. She’s a star.

I’m really tired this week. I have so much stuff going on and lots to tell you all, but time is not on my side. I promise to post a good post tomorrow night. Things you can look forward to reading about are:

  • peeing ones pants
  • my boobies
  • Quizzo and how I get irritated at company happy hours
  • boogers
  • orange poo
  • neighbors
  • porn and computer viruses
  • how I’ve perfected my ‘Woody Woodpecker’ laugh
  • and much more

Oh, my life is so much fun.

If you really need to hear my voice, and you know you do you sexy bitch, then go listen to my archives. They’re super cool.

Kisses, my bitches.

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I don’t like the direction this blog has been going. Or the direction I’ve been going. Not sure which. The posts over the past couple of weeks have sucked bad. It’s pissing me off. I feel like, compared to posts I wrote at this time last year, that I’ve lost a bit of my voice. Maybe the general boredom I’ve been feeling in my personal life has been coming through here and the posts sound bored and uninspired, for the most part. So, with that said…I feel like I’m getting my spark back.

The bitch is back.

I’m also not happy with the state of the world, like anyone is, and I feel like I should write about it. I think our world is disgusting and most people are lazy. When did people stop trying? Everyone wants life to hand them a job, a paycheck, a lover, etc… It’s pathetic. People don’t want to work for anything. Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme. Doesn’t matter if the person is stupid or untalented or uneducated or ignorant, gimme gimme gimme. We live in a world where mediocrity is not only acceptable, it’s celebrated. This holds true for music, TV, cinema, literature. Apparently the ‘gimme gimme gimme’ is working because people have no bullshit radar and will buy into anything that doesn’t make them think. If you think about how many albums, movies, TV shows, and books are published, it’s disgusting. How can that many projects have integrity? They don’t. About 1% of the shit out there is worth buying. The rest is fucking crap. And yet people eat up the mediocrity (if it’s even that) like it’s the most profound shit they’ve ever seen. Gimme gimme gimme. These crappy things take no thought or effort to get through at all. Lazy. Gimme gimme gimme.

I’m so glad that we needed a huge concert held on 7 continents to remind people to be ecologically and socially responsible. Although I appreciate the sentiment (the lazy stupid lemmings of the world need their favorite celebrity to give them their information—–god forbid they read something other than the tabloid shit!) this kind of shit irritates me. I hate when millionaire celebrities try to act like the give a fuck. If they gave a fuck, they’d understand that making $20 million for a film is just fucking disgusting and an insult to any cause they choose to adopt.

Go here and here for information about the damage we have done to the planet and what you can do to change. Please do not leave any comments or email me telling me that global warming is fake. If you believe that then you are a complete idiot and I just can’t deal with you. Only a very ignorant, uninformed, and sick human being wouldn’t believe that we are destroying our home.

So, now that I weeded out the people that only come here for the drama…let’s move on.

I am starting my ninja training hardcore tomorrow. For those of you who are new, yup I wanna be a ninja…hee hee. Anyhow, I’m getting up at 4:30 AM to go for a run and then doing yoga after work. I’ve been running in the evenings, but it’s supposed to be really hot tomorrow so I figured I’d start doing the outside workout really early. Besides, I want to be this for Halloween and I have to get on it.

You know what? I know that I’m usually a sub in the bedroom there is something in me that wants to use that riding crop on someone’s ass. Bad bad bad boy!

Random thought, forgive me.

We interrupt this post to bring you a cuteness update.

I have a kitten on my chest right now. She’s sound asleep. She and Stella are getting along pretty well. The only time I’m putting the kitten in the bathroom now is when I leave the house and when I go to bed.

Did you know that a kitten’s ass is the smelliest and grossest thing ever? Roslin farts all of the time and they smell like something is rotten up there. It’s killing me.

Friday night, I went to another outdoor concert with my sister. She brought the baby and my nephew Rylee. My sister bought Rylee a lightsaber and he made friends with a boy at the concert. Soon, they were in a full battle that would make Darth Vader proud. I was kind of jealous cause I wanted a lightsaber.

My sister started talking to the other boy’s mother and father. I walked over to say hi, and to give my sister the baby, and I see that the couple’s single friend is standing there. He was only kind of good looking which is perfect because that’s what I like. I wasn’t feeling that great that night and was wearing baggy pants and a t-shirt. I caught the guy checking me out several times throughout the night which was nice. I haven’t been paying attention to guys in a while. At the end of the night, we were all talking about Harry Potter and how we can’t wait for the new book to come out, and the woman was saying how she hasn’t read any of the books when the single guy says, “I don’t read. I manage 200 people and 4 departments at work.” I thought this was weird to say, it seemed random, until my sister later told me that she thought he said it to impress me. Who knows why he said it, but he’s the first guy I’ve been interested in months and it felt good to check someone out like that.

I’m fucking sore today. My mom had a barbecue for her birthday and all of the kids were there. I swam from noon until 8:30 PM. When I say swam, I mean that I jumped off the diving board about 30 times with the kids and then we played a pool game where I was paddling in the deep end for a few hours. I’m exhausted.

On a funny note, I had to shave my bikini area because I didn’t have time to wax and I wanted to be nice and neat for family day at the pool. So, after a few hours in the pool I feel some intense itching. Apparently, the chlorine was irritating my newly shaved skin. I felt like Steph in this post, except I’m around a bunch of kids and family. Yikes. I ran into the bathroom and scratched like a madwoman. The rest of the night my crotch was quite uncomfortable.

Here are some pictures from the day. Be warned,they are cute.

I love this picture. Such a cutie!

Rylee looking cool.

Morgan being the crazy girl she is.

Mom holding Colin in the water.

Look at the bugger. Adorable.

I also made red velvet cake from scratch for my mom. It turned out amazing. One thing about it though, it turns your poop bright red. Or at least, it’s turned mine bright red. I have some calls in to confirm that it’s turned the other’s poop red too. I don’t know why I need to know, but I do.

That’s it bitches. I’ll see you later. I’ll be posting the recipe for the cake later on The Home Cook and I might be updating Coquettishly, I’m not sure if I’m that motivated today.

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This weekend was weird. Yeah….

Friday, I took the afternoon off to babysit baby Colin. He was so good and delightful. I put some classical music on and he loves it. He was smiling and gooing and gaaing.

My sister was on a job interview and we’re pretty sure she got the job. The interview was about 20 minutes long and my sister said it was the weirdest interview ever. The guy had no questions and had no idea what the job was. He said, “I guess I’m the supervisor so yeah.”

Here are some Colin pictures:

My sister and I hung out at my house for a while, and then we bought groceries to cook my mom a nice dinner to celebrate her not having cancer. While we were cooking, my two other stinkies came over—Morgan and Connor. Conner didn’t want me to take his picture, but Morgan (the star) wanted a picture holding Colin. I took two.

Yeah, she’s giving him rabbit ears.

After dinner, my mom wanted to give the baby a bath so my sister and I went out to get ice cream cones. It’s been a long time since we were chilling alone together. We were cracking each other up. She dropped me off at my house around 11 PM. It was a pretty good day.

Yesterday, I got up early and cleaned. I went for a run and afterwards I walked over to the lake with a book and started reading under a big tree. It was so nice and quiet. After about an hour, I see this tall guy coming down to where I was. He looked like Harry Connick Jr., without the big cowboy hat and southern accent. He had a fishing pole and asked me if I minded him fishing near me. I said no. God, his ass was perfection.

So, he’s fishing and I’m reading and he starts talking to me about how he just moved to this town. He said he’s never lived in such a quiet town. We had a really nice conversation. After about another hour, I got up because my sister texted me that she was coming over for lunch. I said bye and the guy asked me for my phone number. I was surprised and gave it to him.

My sister got to my house as I was walking up. We lugged the baby up the stairs to my apartment. I made lunch as the baby was nestled onto my bed for his nap. We ate and talked. Colin woke up and we tried to get a picture of him to smile, but everytime I put the camera up to snap a picture he’d stop smiling. Here are more pictures of the stinky.

My sister left around 4 and I took a nap. It was a gorgeous nap. I woke up and decided I needed to go grocery shopping because I ran out of cereal. Yes, I quit the gluten free shit. It was crap. It’s a long story and too boring. Yes, way more boring than this post. Hard to believe right.

Well, here’s where the weekend turns weird.

I was picking out some endive, when this guy comes up next to me. It’s Harry Connick Jr.-looking fishing guy. I laughed and we talked a bit. He said he was in a hurry and I said I was too, so I continued my shopping. I got in line and as I was putting my stuff up on the counter, I see him get in line…..with a woman….and she’s wearing a wedding band….and they have diapers in their cart.

Deep breath.


I give up. I really do.

Steam coming out of my ears.

He sees me and I give him the finger and mouth fuck you. I got home and made dinner. And I got drunk. Seriously drunk.

I did nothing today. Oh, I made lavender shortbread cookies. See….

And that’s it.

Fucking men. Why do I let that man ruin my weekend? I know it’s insignificant, and yet here I am still fuming. So much so, that it drove me to bake to take my mind off of castrating that asswipe.

Can I admit that I actually wanted him to call me after the grocery store? Just to tell him off. How sad is that!!!!

I need a man. Not a bad boy. Just a nice one with an edge. So hard to find. Fuck.

I’ll leave you now with pictures of Stella Marie cause she’s super pretty.


Oh, and I updated all of my blogs this weekend. I know. It’s amazing. I’m going to try to be better at updating more regularly.

More kisses….

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He’s here….

Hi everyone! Please welcome my new beautiful nephew, Colin Gene, into the world. He arrived at 3:39 PM under some scary circumstances, but baby and mommy are doing well now. He was 6 pounds and 19 1/4 inches long. Here are some pictures.

Isn’t he gorgeous? I will tell the whole story tomorrow. My sister lost a lot of blood and it was very scary. We are so grateful that all are healthy and well.

I’m exhausted. Been up since 4:30 AM. Emotionally and physically drained. Eh. Talk to you all tomorrow.

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I want to thank everyone for all of your advice regarding the shitty kissing that went down on Friday. I’m not a prude when it comes to first dates. I’ll kiss (shit, I’ve even fucked), but I have to be really attracted in order to do this. Or have lots of wine. Yeah, wine makes me a whore. It’s awesome sometimes. What I’m trying to say, in my retarded way, is that although I wasn’t really ‘feeling’ this guy I had 3 glasses of red wine and could be described as extremely friendly. So when he asked if he could kiss me, I figured what the fuck. I don’t understand what nerves have to do with kissing skills, but I was going to give him a second chance after reading about how he could have been nervous. This is very big of me, as I’m from the “if you’re not going to do it right, then don’t do it at all” school. He kissed like a 13 year old, not a 35 year old. Oy!

Did you notice that I said was going to give him a second chance? Um, yeah. My family member (the person who put me up to the date) said that my date thought I was extremely rude for talking on my cell phone the whole night. Motherfucker. I can see if I was chatting up my girlfriends about the new shoes they purchased, but I was talking to my mother regarding my pregnant sister bleeding in the hospital. He told my family member that HE would consider giving me a second chance. What? Is he fucking serious? He’s done. I considered going on a second date and destroying him like ‘Debbie from the old days’ would have done. But I’m older and more compassionate now. I sent him a level 10 bitch (my most deadly level) email telling him how embarrassed he should be of his stupidity and ignorance. I said more, but you all don’t need to see the full extent of my temper and how horrible I can be. I have it in me to be the cruelest person I know and it’s not something I’m proud of.

So, did anything else happen you ask? Why yes?

On Saturday morning I stopped at my mother’s house before going to have new tires put on my car. The stinkies (Morgan and Connor) were there and I got to act nuts with them for a bit. My goodness I love these kids. Nothing in the world is wrong when I’m with them. Here are some pictures:

My mom kept my old dance costumes. Morgan found this one and immediately changed into it to put on her show. She’s such a performer.

I can’t resist this smile. After I took the picture I grabbed him and bit the little Meatball’s cheeks.

After, I went to get my tires replaced. Waiting for that to go down was a special kind of hell. Not only did they smoke in the little office at my mechanic’s, but these little wannabe white rapper fuckers kept coming in looking for rims and shit. They had the most manicured facial hair I’ve ever seen. I played a game in my head trying to guess how small their penis’ were. If they stayed in the office long enough, I then guesstimated how bad they were in bed by rating them on a scale from 1-10 depending on how ‘dressed up’ they were in the ghetto gear. No one rated very high, as you can imagine.

Have I ever told you all how I hate an overly done up man? I’m not attracted to men in suits or any man who looks like he has his eyebrows tweezed. Ew. I hate men’s cologne. I’m not attracted to men who are too pretty or good looking. I like there to be some flaw or quirk. I have this thing for dirty construction workers. Sometimes they’re on the train with me and I have to keep myself from licking my lips. They smell of soap and sweat. There’s nothing better than that.

Saturday night I did nothing exciting. I made a stir fry and read all night. I was on standby because my sister was still bleeding and the doctor wasn’t sure what they were going to do. But, the decision was made to definitely take the baby on Tuesday. I’m really excited. Another stinky to spoil. Makes me want to have a baby. But, that’s a whole other post.

Yesterday was one of the most boring days ever. I cleaned, napped, cooked, and read. I watched some of the Super Bowl but it was boring so I turned it off. The series Rome is getting really good. You all should watch it. It’s not historically accurate at all, but if you can over that, it’s a really awesome show.

I did put a profile up on Match.com because I love torturing myself. Actually, my friend says that it’s not so bad. I should know better to never trust my friends. Even the good ones. Every guy on the site looks like a serial killer. I have 6 emails already and I can’t open them because they want me to pay $20. So, I have to pay money to possibly get a date with a loser who will probably do something offensive or freakish to me in the first hour of the date. Fun stories aheah, I’m sure.

I’m so optimistic it’s scary, huh?

I watched some man pick his nose quite thoroughly on the train in this morning. I tried to get my phone out to take a picture, but he was a shifty fucker and stopped just when I was ready to snap. It was -800 degrees outside this morning, so we walked underground to keep out of the wind. I hate walking underground. It breaks my heart. When the weather gets this cold, the city lets the homeless sleep in the tunnels underground. I just can’t deal with it. I want to help them all. There is one guy, who doesn’t look much older than me, that sits by the subway rocking. He looks so cold. His eyes are vacant. That kills me. Nobody eyes should be vacant like that. I bought him breakfast last week after I saw him rummaging through the garbage and was pleased to see that this morning someone beat me to it. He had a steaming cup of coffee and food. This week I will bring him a few blankets because his look like rags. I have 3 comforters that I was going to throw away, but they are perfectly good and that would be wasteful. I know I can’t change the world, but I can’t get through my day knowing that I have so much and there are people sleeping underneath my building in rags starving with vacant eyes. I have to help a little.

That’s all I’ve got today, folks.

Oh yeah, click here.

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This weekend was good. You all know I had a fun Friday evening with the wine and my camera phone and the awesome pictures below (I’m laughing at that). The rest of Friday night was quite surprising and lovely.

Saturday was all about trying to catch up on my sleep, drinking loads of water, and talking to my girl Liz on the phone. Love her. Seriously. I went to bed early because my body was giving me no choice.

I feel like I owe you all an explanation about why I haven’t mention those kitties I was supposed to adopt a month ago. They called me up a few days after I expressed my interest to tell me that a couple came in and fell in love with the boys, so they gave the cats to them instead of me. I was really sad about this and I didn’t want to talk about it. So, that’s what happened there.

I have a confession. I love to clean. It’s pathetic. There I was wearing rubber gloves and a bottle of cleaner in my hand and it hit me. I love doing this. It’s mindless and simple. Every Sunday I clean everything. I like to start the week with a clean apartment, clean laundry, clean sheets…a clean slate.

I turned the AC off today and opened my place up. I love when the windows are open. One of the reasons I get cranky mid-summer and mid-winter is because I feel so cooped up. I love fresh air (duh) and being outside, so opening the windows is like inviting the outside in. Yeah, dork alert. I know.

I spent the afternoon hanging with my niece. I love this child. Love love love her. She is a rock star. I told her she was and she said, “Um, I know Aunt Debbie.” She’s 5 going on 30. She was swimming before I took this picture.

She left around 4 and I haven’t done a thing since. Well, I did one other thing but it’s kind of personal. Let’s just say that I cleaned out some personal baggage in addition to the weekly Sunday cleaning. I have a bit of a headache now, which will be cured with some water. I think I overdid the caffeine.

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