Down the shore…

This post is a teaser for Kav.

Last night, I took a ride to Wildwood with my old lady neighbor. She asked me to go on a ride with her because she didn’t want to drive 2 hours alone. It was a great ride, we took the scenic route and I haven’t been down that road to go down the shore (that’s how we roll in NJ) in ages.

We went down Delsea Drive, which is awesome once you get past Williamstown. Lots of forest and farms. The air smells like sugar. You go through the center of small towns. It’s a hidden part of NJ. Very old fashioned and quaint towns, untouched by big city. I could smell the marsh lands before I could see them and I knew we were close to the beach. I love the smells. It’s why I love living where I do. So close to 2 major cities, and the ocean.

I live about 50 minutes away from Atlantic City, so you can see how close I am. I love going to the southern beaches in NJ, like Cape May. I love Cape May. I used to go there every weekend of the summer. I should really start doing that again.

When I was growing up, we would vacation in Wildwood. I know the town like the back of my hand. I love the noise, the rides, the boardwalk, the smells, the tram car, etc…. We used to stay at the Rio Grande hotel, but that has been demolished and is now a vacant lot. Many of the old hotels are still there and they add to the nostalgia.

We first stopped in Grassy Sound to see one of her friends. They lived in a house right under a huge bridge. It was a weird house, about a half mile walk on a pier to get to it. It was awesome, it was like living in the middle of a channel. You could see Wildwood and you could fish right off of your pier. I wanted to live there.

We then went to Wildwood. We weren’t really planning on going on the boardwalk, but I wanted to snap a few pictures for my dear blog-friend Kav. We went to visit my neighbors nephew on his houseboat, which is another thing I want. It was right in the bay and gorgeous. I’ll be spending the day in Wildwood soon, so there will better pictures then.

On the way home, we stopped and got the best fucking custard ice cream cone I’ve ever had. I also dropped my cell phone from the very top of my steps last night. Miraculously, it didn’t break. Only a few scratches. Lucky.

That’s my weekend. I didn’t do anything else. Here are the pictures:


Here is a Wildwood sign.


The ferris wheel and rollercoaster on the boardwalk.


Watch the tram car, please!


This is the fall my cell phone took.

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Thunder thunder thunder, yes—UPDATE!

After another day of sweating my balls off here. My landlady called me this afternoon and the air conditioning man will be here tomorrow morning to fix my shit. I can’t wait. I almost offered for suck the guy’s dick, if that would get him here sooner. I didn’t though, cause I’m a classy bitch.

At the moment, we’re having very violent thunder storms and it’s made it cool. Stella is running around with relief. The sweat has stopped rolling between my boobs. My sweat dampened hair is actually drying. It’s heavenly.

This morning, I cleaned off my bike and pumped up the tires in hopes of going for a nice long bike ride. Guess what? It’s fucking hard to ride a bike in a hilly town in the fucking hot ass humid hazy weather. I did ride for 3o minutes before I had to stop to get a drink. My crotch was also killing me. I have a cushioned seat and my temple (yes, that’s what I call my crotch) still felt bruised. I’m done riding for a few days.

So, I put my bike back into my garage and shut the door.

About 2 hours later, I went outside because I had just remembered that I left my keys and cell phone in my bike bag. I walked into the backyard and saw my garage open and my bike is moved. Motherfucker. I got my stuff out of the bag and went to close the garage door when Mullet (my downstairs neighbor) tells me to leave the door open.

Um, what? It’s my fucking garage. So, I told him as much and then my lady downstairs neighbor yells asking me why I need to door shut. I told them I just washed my bike and I want the door shut. It’s my garage. He tells me the garage gets too hot and he’s airing it out. Too hot for whom or what. What’s in there in danger of melting? Nothing. He’s just being an ass. I told them that I’m in no mood to deal with their drunk asses, that the garage is mine and it’s staying shut.

I’m putting a lock on that thing tomorrow.

I had a chance to get laid on Friday, woo hoo. One of my exes, Sam, emailed me and graciously offered to have some ‘fun’ with me. Honestly. What is wrong with men? I haven’t dated this guy in about 4 years and we only dated briefly at that. He said he saw my friend at a bar and she, I’m going to kill her, gave him my email address. So um, now he’s emailing to get a quick fuck? Eh. Eh. Eh. Nothing turns me off more. At least offer me a nice dinner first.

Besides, he wasn’t that good of a fuck anyhow. Sloppy son of a bitch.

I went to my dad’s yesterday for dinner. It was nice in the beginning, but then I had to listen to his girlfriend put him down to me every time he left our presence. And then she kept interrupting him and arguing with him while we were having a conversation. I’ve been staying away from them because of this, but I hate that she is so rude and demeaning to my dad. Who the fuck does she think she is? I’ve tried to talk to my dad about this, but he just says that he loves her. When did my dad become such a pussy? I want to shake him until he comes to his senses.

Starting June 1, I will be going gluten free. My doctor has recommended it. I don’t think it’s going to be that big a deal, I never eat premade things (I make everything from scratch)…I can still make bagels and bread and stuff because they make flours and yeast and other products that are gluten free. I think the weirdest thing will be the change in pasta. I will now have to eat rice pasta, which I love but I’ve never used it in Italian food. I’m hoping this will be a positive change. I’ll let you all know.

I wish I had more to say, but I’m drained from the heat and I really haven’t done anything exciting.

UPDATE: The air conditioner is fixed. Sweet heaven, it feels beautiful in here. I’m going to take a nap now.

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Where’s my Mr. Darcy?–UPDATE

I woke up from a dream this morning that had me aroused and so deeply content, I tried to hold on to it for as long as I could. But, Stella jumped up on the bed and was meowing in my ear to be fed. It sucked to break myself off from the dream. It felt like I met my soul mate in the dream and we made love for hours. The most peaceful dream I’ve had in a long time.

This weekend I accomplished exactly what I wanted to….nothing. I hardly got dressed on Friday. I read all day and watched a few movies. I watched Pride and Prejudice, and I forgot how much I love Mr. Darcy. Oh real life Mr. Darcy, where are you? I ordered a pizza and didn’t care how busted I looked when I went to the door for the delivery man. I saw myself in the mirror that night and laughed.

Saturday, I woke up early and watched some Food Network. I worked out and decided my bathroom needed to be torn apart and cleaned. That’s what boredom does to me. I tear everything apart and realize it’s time for a new shower liner. It was a nice day, so I walked to the store. When I came back I notice something that had me so pissed, I lost my temper. All of my bulbs, daffodils/tulips, were mowed over. Mullet Man has no respect for anything. He has also moved my trashcans again. I throw the bag on my steps and move my trashcans back to where I want them. He comes around the house and says he doesn’t want them there. I tell him that’s tough shit, he doesn’t own the property and I pay to live here too. He mumbles something under his drunk breath. I yell to him that I didn’t appreciate him mowing over the bulbs when half of them hadn’t bloomed yet.

So, I’m standing there fuming and I decide to let my temper get the best of me for once. I pulled up every fucking flower in his garden (there were only 3 plants) and threw them in the trash. Fuck him. I was so mad.

Later that evening, I was in my office on the computer when I hear Inbred Nephew yelling up at my window. I didn’t even know he was there. I couldn’t understand what the drunk bastard was saying, but I had reached my limit with these assholes. I went to the window and addressed Mullet Man. I asked him that he can either get his nephew to shut up or I’m calling our landlady and/or the police. I told him I’m sick of being harassed by the inbreed. To my utter joy, they left me alone for the rest of the evening. I’m still going to mention all of this to my landlady when I go pay the rent on Tuesday. I can’t spend another summer hiding from that nephew. Not at my own house.

That was the most of my excitement yesterday. I spent the rest of the night drinking tea and watching movies. I watched Secretary and I still think that first spanking scene is fucking hot. I’d link to it, but I can’t find the clip anywhere. I have had a crush on James Spader since the 80’s. Yeah, he was hot.

Today has been another boring, lazy day. I spend the whole morning on the porch. It was a gorgeous morning. Stella was enjoying herself in the sun. I updated Coquettishly, so go there if that’s your thing. I was going through boxes yesterday during my cleaning spree and found my ex-boyfriend’s scanner (the ex that stole all of my money). I thought he took that with him. It’s a really nice scanner and I spent the morning looking online looking for a driver for it. I was successful and now I have a scanner. Now, I can share adorable pictures like the one below with you all.


My sister and the baby. How beautiful is this picture?

I have two new television obsessions. Survivorman is awesome. I can’t believe how nuts this guy is. And this next television obsession is embarrassing…it’s The Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School. I have never seen such a fucking mess in my life. Do people really behave like this? I hurt myself laughing at the women. Oh, shows like this make me feel like a goddess.

I hope you all don’t mind, but I’ve decided to write a two PayPerPost posts a week to make extra money. I’m going to find things that go along with what I usually talk about. I need to make extra money and I don’t have time or energy to get a part-time job. My current job keeps me insanely busy and up until a year ago, I worked a weekend job and I don’t want to go back to working 7 days a week. So, unless you want to send me money for being cute you’ll have to put up with a few of these posts a couple times a week.

That’s all I got for now. I hope you all had a great weekend!

UPDATE: PayPerPost has rejected my blog because I use excessive profanity. It’s funny but the others blogs that do this use the word fuck just as much as I do. Hmmm, that’s irritating. It could be a good thing they rejected me, because I was rethinking writing posts for them anyhow. I’m not sure if I want to whore this blog out like that. I suppose they made the decision for me. I wonder if they reject blogs for being excessively boring. They should.

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What a Valentine’s Day it’s been and Happy V Day

I woke up this morning to lots of snow and ice everywhere. I sat on my bed and watched 3 cars slide down my street before calling out. My car, which I call The Jalopy, isn’t the best thing going and I’m not interested in risking life and limb to just get to work. Sorry. I’m not making millions of dollars. If I was there might have been a chance.

I snuggle back into bed, isn’t that the best, and let my eyelids fall.

I woke up a couple hours later and see that it’s worse outside. I check my work email and see that my company was opening late, at 11. Nice. I only had to take a half vacation day.

I putzed around my apartment for a few hours and then started making lunch. I put leftovers in the microwave and was disco dancing in my kitchen when everything went off. I went into the living room and tried the TV. Nothing.

I decided to go out and clean the 2 inches of ice off of my car so that I didn’t get bored. That took 30 minutes. Went back upstairs and stood there staring. The electric was still out.

Shit.

I call my downstairs neighbor and the electric is out down there too. Same thing with my next door neighbor.

Great. What the fuck should I do?

I couldn’t nap because I wasn’t tired. I didn’t feel like reading. So, I got my laptop out and watched Buffy DVD’s for a while. Until the battery died. Then I started calling people but nobody was home.

Two hours later, I got in my car and took a drive, even though the roads weren’t very good. I got a few slices of pizza because I have an electric stove, so I wasn’t cooking anything.

I came home to the electric back on and did a happy dance on my porch. Now, I’m trying to stay warm by drinking tea and snuggling on my couch.

This is the first time in 3 years I haven’t had a Valentine. Boo hoo. It’s not like I’ve ever gotten flowers or anything from them anyhow. I know it’s a ‘Hallmark Holiday’ and that I shouldn’t care, but you all know that it does feel good to be able to spend the day with someone you love.

Oh, and did I mention that my Mullet neighbor stole my rock salt out of my garage? No? Well, the fucker did. I went looking for it yesterday and it was nowhere to be found. I had half a bag left from last year. He’s the only one who could have taken it because he is always in and out of my garage because he’s a pain in my ass. I have called my landlord about putting a lock on the garage. I’m waiting to hear back from her. If she doesn’t then I will. I have outside steps and almost broke my neck twice today. I’m livid.

Today is also V Day. It’s important to acknowledge that the war to stop violence against women is far from over and we need to keep fighting. Fight for yourself, your mothers, your sisters, your daughters, and your lovers.

Okay, that’s all for now. Happy Valentine’s Day and Happy V Day, you sexy people. Hugs and kisses.

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Protected: A bitter bitchy post

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A late stroke and my last days of peace before the Christmas craziness and will someone pull me out of Middle Earth?

Ugh. I’m finished my holiday shopping. And the wrapping. And the decorating of my apartment and I even put lights up outside. Fuck yeah!

I don’t have much to report in but the holiday stuff. I did have dinner with the old lady next door last night and it was really nice. She gave me a bottle of Bailey’s for Christmas and I’m on my second glass tonight.

I’ve been watching TBS all day, as they’re playing The Lord of the Rings trilogy today and I’ve been watching since the beginning. I love these books and I love these movies. So, I’ll be in Middle Earth for a few hours more and then I’ll go to bed and probably dream of Legolas making sweet love to me in the middle of Rivendell. There is something about a man with elf ears, huh? Just me….oh okay.

I’m going to my sister’s in Lancaster, PA on Thursday for a few days. She can’t travel due to the complications she’s having with her pregnancy. I’m excited to see her. I haven’t seen her in a while and I miss her. I’m going to help her clean her house and go grocery shopping for her because she is on bed rest and her husband has to work double shifts all week.

Here are some pictures of the Christmas fun from this weekend.


Stella’s stocking.


My “Charlie Brown” Christmas tree.


All of the presents wrapped.


Yummy clementine.

And now onto my stroking….I’m highlighting five blogs now because it’s going to take forever to get to the end just stroking three, and well I just can’t wait that long to stroke Lozo, I can’t lie (hee hee). Anyhow, here they are and can I admit that these are five of some of my favorite people around:

Enough Already!: Miss Thang herself, MG. She’s not so mean. I found her from a blogger I won’t mention ever again here. And I think she’s the only woman I’d let kiss me. Hee hee. I can’t believe I wrote that. Wait, yes I can. This is her second blog and she’s worth a peak. Not only is she funny and sexy, I love when she goes on a rant.

from the neck up: Oh Rosie! I love this girl. She’s Annoyed’s better half (he’d even say that) and I found her from his blog. She’s a great writer and I swear sometimes she’s my long lost sister. She thinks like me. She has great stories and great perspective and she knows something about life, which I think is very important. She’s also very brave and I have a lot of respect for her. So, go check her out and laugh very hard at this.

Green Apple Martini: I found HDW the same day I found Laurie’s blog. Laurie was yelling about a woman stealing HDW’s template and I clicked over and haven’t stopped since. I don’t know if I can give this blog or HDW any justice. She’s just the definition of class, wit, intelligence, love, warmth, and irony. I think Laurie said it best when she said that HDW has a way of writing about life that is funny without being snarky. I love HDW. She is one of the few bloggers I have met in person. I wish I lived closer to her, and some of you other bloggers, because she is all goodness and I need some of it to rub off on me. She’s a great friend and I need everyone to go over to her blog and see what blogging is about. She does it perfectly. Smooches sweetie!

High Desert Diva’s Dive: Another lovely lady I found from the unmentionable blogger. She loves food as much as I do. She’s a professional chef. A great writer. I wish I thought of some of her ideas for stories. She’s clever and witty and extremely intelligent. She has the cutest daughter. Please go check her out. I’m serious about how good she is. She’s also an awesome person.

hotwire reality: He’s one of my first readers. He’s got a great blog. He’s a talented writer and an amazing artist. Check this out. He has a way of making you breathe in the warm air of nostalgia in a way that few people I know can. He has a great point of view that makes for interesting posts. He’s good people and once you go to his blog, you’ll link him and be hooked. So, go already!

I updated The Home Cook (three dip recipes) and Coquettishly (anal sex) tonight as well.

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Can a guy be an asswipe when I’m pretty sure he isn’t able to wipe his own ass?

I stayed home from work today because I’m still feeling like poopy. I have a nice cough right now. It’s awesome. I also have a zit on my cheek and I never get pimples, so it’s just another thing to piss me off.

Hey everybody, I was so cranky yesterday and now I’m ashamed of my little temper tantrum in that first paragraph of the previous post. Sorry.

In addition to being sick, I’ve got the blues. Why am I pining for the Pilot? When he went away and I didn’t hear from him I was fine, but now that I know it’s over and I haven’t heard from him I’m sad. What the fuck?

My Mullet neighbor is playing his arena rock so loud right now that I can hear it over my television. I live in a house that was broken up. So, my downstairs neighbors have the basement and first floor and I have the upstairs. Mullet neighbor plays music in the basement. So yeah, it’s coming from two floors down.

***

About a year and a half ago, right before I met the Pilot, I was set up on a date with a friend of a friend. He’s was a physical trainer and bodybuider. I remember speaking with him on the phone a few times before we agreed to meet up. I called my friend and told her about the date. So, he comes to my door and I’m not really impressed. He’s too muscular, know what I mean? He looked like he wouldn’t be able to wipe his ass. He was also kind of short, so he looks as wide as he was tall. I invite him into my apartment and offer him a drink before we go out. He says he wants a glass of water. We go into the kitchen and his cell phone rings. He then tells me that he has to go out to his car and read a letter to his business partner who apparently was the one who called. I tell him that I’m ready to go and I’ll meet him down in the car in a minute or two. As I’m waiting to go down to the car I was dreading the rest of the evening because I wasn’t even a little interested in this guy. So, I get my purse and go outside and couldn’t believe it.

I’m sure you can guess what happened. Yup, he split left ditched me. Can I admit to you all that I was relieved? I was a little insulted, but I got over it after a few minutes. If I recall correctly, I filled the tub and sunk into the hot bubbles. Bliss.

Anyhow, the reason I tell you all this is because tonight I went to my friend’s house for dinner and the muscle-headed guy was there. Strange, but I hadn’t seen him at my friend’s house before so I assumed they got rid of him for being rude to me. I guess I think too highly of myself cause there he was. I give my friend my evil look because this is a ridiculous situation.

I go into the living room where my friend’s husband and the dickhead are listening to music. I sit down and look through a magazine that was on the coffee table. My friend’s husband goes into the kitchen to help with dinner and guess what happens next?

That muscled fucker starts hitting on me. He didn’t even recognize me. I have lost about 30 pounds since then and my hair is much longer, but it was still infuriating. I interrupt him and tell him that we’ve already met. Here’s how the conversation goes:

Me: “It’s okay, you don’t have to try so hard with me. We’ve already met.”
Him: “I know I would remember meeting a pretty woman like you.”
Me: “No, you obviously don’t remember me. But we have definitely met before.”
Him: “Come on, I would have gotten your number.”
Me: “You already have my number. Remember….you came to my house, got a glass of water, got a call from a friend, and then you lied about getting something from your car very rudely left.”
Him: “That was you?”
Me: “Yes, it was me.”
Him: “Well, I’m kind of sorry I did it. You look good now.”
Me: “I’m not sorry. I wasn’t interested anyway.”

And with that, I left my friend’s house because I am just too annoyed that they would invite him there knowing that I was coming too. And I’m not feeling good enough to pretend to be tough. Is it me or do my friends really suck.

So, I am drinking my peppermint tea trying to still my muscle aches and coughing. I will be turning in very soon as I’m exhausted from sleeping all day.

Oh, and can someone tell me why the fuck I can’t switch my blogs over to beta? Blogger won’t let me. It’s so annoying.

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Protected: Sometimes you’ll laugh so hard you’ll cry

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A fire, sleep, bad cover bands, and the man with the shrunken head

I woke up yesterday morning at 6AM to call in a vacation day. As I was in my office waiting for my boss’s voicemail to pick up when I saw some smoke floating past the window. I moved closer and looked for the source of the smoke, I saw that the mulch and a pine tree was smoldering and burning. I put on shoes, find my cell phone, and run outside. I get the hose and dial 911. Um, I’ve never put out a fire like this before, but I didn’t want the flames to get out of control. I see a police officer walking down the driveway. He asked me how the fire started and I told him I didn’t know. I said that I feared that Mullet neighbor may have flicked his cigarette in there and the mulch caught. The fire department gets there with 2 trucks and they come down to see the damage. At this point most of the fire is out, except I was afraid to put the hose into the tree to get the roots. The fire fighters came and put the rest of the fire out. Some of the neighbors were standing with curiosity. After, I thanked everyone and went upstairs to pass out.

I spent the day on the couch, watching the first season of House. I never watched the show before and well, it’s now going to one of my shows. I only watch a handful of television shows regularly, so I’ll add this one to the list.

Around 5 my friend called me and talked me into going to an outdoor concert with her. I’ve been to this kind of outdoor concert before. It’s at a community center in my hometown. We got there and found my mother and her friends having a good time. Suddenly this child is screaming my name and running towards me…it’s my niece. We talked for a bit. She was dancing to the music and when they called all of the children down to the stage, she forgot about me and took off. I love that child. I got a beer and my friend and I hung out with my mom’s crew since they had a table. The band was an oldies cover band (extremley boring), so all of the old people were in their happy places. It was halfway through the first set that I saw him.

He was the weirdest fucking man I have ever seen. He was dressed like a security guard, except we knew he wasn’t one. He kept walking up and down the main aisle staring at people’s belonging’s and children. Oh, and did I mention that he looked like he had a shrunken head. His eyes were all caved into his head. He was freaking me out. As he made his second pass to stare at everyone, I got out my camera phone and took his picture. He didn’t notice that I took that picture because he was too busy staring at the children at the table next to us. My friend told one of the police officer’s there and they started keeping an eye on him. It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen anyone so creepy. After the break in sets, I didn’t see the creep anymore. I hope I never do again.

I got home last night and tried to read, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

Until later.

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Protected: Smack that ass.–UPDATE!

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