I’ve been thinking about getting back in the dating saddle. I’m sick of being alone and I’m bored with myself. And I need to have sex in the worst way. Like, really need to have some regular sex. Oh, and someone to cook for.
Anyhow, before I could move forward I needed to totally get over my past…ahem, the Pilot. I haven’t heard from him in ages and haven’t seen him in longer than that. I’ve been over him in that I knew that I didn’t want to see him anymore, but I was still reading our emails every now and then. Emails from the very beginning, from 2005. The only reason I can think of for doing this was that I missed what we had in the beginning. The newness. The excitement. The passion. I would relive those moments when I read our emails from that time.
I deleted them last night. All of them. And not just in the “I put them in the trash folder” delete, but I even permanently deleted the trash folder. They’re gone. No more living in the past.
So, here I am ready to date. Mr. Wood has proven himself either weird, gay, or completely uninterested in me. You can’t stare at someone for a year and not talk to them. I know I’m at fault here too, but to my defense I’ve smiled, nodded, and have even put myself in the seat on the train right next to him on the side of the car where there is no one but us…still nothing. I can’t deal with this kind of retardation. If a woman is staring at you and smiling, fucking talk to her. He’s now looking away when I smile, so whatever.
Let me focus…what was I talking about? Oh yeah, getting back in the saddle.
So with no other prospects that I can see, I decided to take a friend at work’s advice and post a profile on an online dating site. She suggested eHarmony, but I read some stuff about that site that I didn’t like so I chose eChemistry.
I sat down this morning and answered over 200 questions to get my personality profile. I actually answered everything very honest. This questionnaire took over an hour to do. I finished and got my personality profile and it says the following…
You are a really easygoing, wonderful person. You are fun and funny and you make people instantly comfortable with your accepting, laid back nature. You love to be entertained, and you hate to be bored, so you’re quick to come up with ideas for what to do to have fun. But you’re not limited by outside entertainment. You make any event into a party and are just as happy being low key and hanging out with your friends talking or watching movies all night.
You are a genuinely nice person. You don’t feel the need to judge the people you meet, and in fact are quite repelled by people who are constantly judging others. This overwhelmingly accepting nature is a real relief for your friends who are accustomed to being told what to do, but get to relax in your presence.
Because of your shifting focus and upbeat nature, people take you somewhat less seriously than you expect. The irony is that you really are serious about learning. You are a sponge for information and have interests so varied that it’s really impossible to list all the possibilities here. The important part is that you love to learn and are more likely to watch the Learning Channel or the History Channel than to tune in to the evening news. You stay a student for your whole life, learning on your own if not actually taking classes way up to and through retirement.
You are very generous, particularly with your possessions.
You begin a lot of projects, but finish few because the details get boring and something more fun is sure to appear.
You like to see everyone living harmoniously and can get irritated by whoever is currently rocking the boat and causing problems.
When faced with a problem you are most likely to solve it in the most obvious way, not implementing cumbersome standard methods.
As a leader or parent you are non-directive, preferring to see what happens on its own rather than lay down strict procedures and give orders. To you it is understood that any procedures developed by necessity today disappear tomorrow unless they are still absolutely required.
You know what tastes good, what feels good against your skin, and what smells satisfy you. You are quick to notice the signs of hunger, fatigue, sleepiness or discomfort in your body, and you can get quite irritable and distracted if those issues are not resolved in a timely fashion. You are a socially balanced person. When your physical needs are taken care of you like to be where the people are, particularly where your social group is. You don’t mind filling some role in the group and doing your part of the work. You are hurt if you’re excluded from anything or not invited to a party or celebration of someone you know.
You portray a very even tempered image and that matches a calm interior. While you may prefer to have a mate, you don’t need a partner like others seem to. In all sexual matters you have a lot more self control than most people.
You have a deep, philosophical side which few people really get to know. You are constantly growing and evolving, always working to become the most authentic version of yourself. You live by pure, simple values and they’re evident in every action you take. Because of your pure, honest goodness, anyone would be lucky to have you as a partner.
You have a very practical, realistic view of love which makes you much more likely to have a successful relationship than other people. You realize that romantic relationships are based on a mutual commitment and you don’t expect to be madly in love with your mate every day. That said, you have such a massive heart that you’re always sure that you love the other person even when they make you crazy. You are skilled at keeping things light and fun, but that makes you disinclined toward mundane and routine tasks. In studies of high chemistry old married couples, the highest chemistry matches were those where your type was paired with someone who, among other things, balances you in that way. Your match is a detail person who takes care of the paperwork while you follow your heart and keep things light and fun.
Sounds good, huh? Then I scroll down and this is what I read…
Based on your personality traits alone, we estimate that approximately 1 in 76 people will have the personality traits required to qualify for a high likelihood of very strong long term romantic chemistry with you
Are you fucking kidding me? 1 in 76 people? Come on.
Then I get thinking and realize that it’s a good thing I went to this site so that they can find people who match up with me. I wasn’t about to go out with 76 guys to find one who is my match.
So, I found myself excited as I clicked to the page that contained my matches. Actually, I was giddy. I clicked the ‘next’ button and read this…
You have no matches.
Are you fucking kidding me? A couple hours of my life that I’ll never get back so that a computer website can tell me what I’ve been thinking all along…great.
I’m so pissed off right now.
Ha, I love it! It means you’re an individual!! And it’s heaps better than this response I got last year:
http://peacharse.blogspot.com/2007/04/immaculate-rejection.html
I think I’ll try e-Chemistry just to get th personality report, I need a lift….
Good luck – fingers crossed someone else as unique as you joins the site….
X
Well I don’t know what exactly to say.
1 in 76?
Hmmmm, that is just wrong. You are a wonderful catch. I hate those overly scary dating sites.
Dude. That’s f*cked up. But, eChem isn’t really high-profile, yet. Maybe it only has 75 members? *weak smile*
First, the site confirmed what your regular readers already knew: you are wonderful.
Second, one out of 76 is not so bad. Think about how many potential matches that is in your high school or college graduating classes. And how many people are on a single train in the morning?
Third, the fact that there was no match for you at this time probably just means they don’t have enough subscribers.
De-lurking to give you a little more info on eChemistry. It doesn’t have the number of subscribers to give you an adequate pool of potential matches. With your new profile, it might be you and 11 other people in their system, 85% of whom live in Siberia or somewhere.
Keep your reservations about eHarmony (I tried it for years and only now have stopped throwing shoes at the TV whenever the commercials come on), but from a numbers perspective, try the big ones. Match comes to mind, but there should be others out there.
Good luck!
The same thing happened to a friend of mine on eharmony. She was basically told she is too picky and they do not think that their service can help her.
She like you are damn awesome.
I think you’re looking at it the wrong way. There’s not SUPPOSED to be more than 1 out of 76 people for you. There shouldn’t be more than 1 in a million people for you. Or any of us. I know that sounds retarded but bear with me. You’re a strong, unique, stable woman with a beautiful soul. How the fuck is just any slobbering moron going to walk in off the street and be the perfect match for you? If you’re talking about straight fucking, then okay maybe 1 in 10. But you’re not talking about that. Anything less than 1 in a million would be an insult to you.
That’s my take anyway. I ain’t dated in three years because I’m too busy and picky as hell so I know something about where you’re coming from. Life is too short to be with lames or losers.
I think I’m just going to give up on dating. I haven’t had sex in over a year. It’s been longer than that since I had a date. I’ve done the online thing and found . . . very scary “women.”
I don’t think I even know how to date anymore. It’s kind of sad 😦
Well hell, lower your standards and the freaks will be beating down your door. I’m being silly of course.
I’ve done the dating site thing and I have to say you need to be patient. It’s not a whole lot different than hitting on random people.
You have to just stick with it. Eventually the odds will be in your favor.
I agree that 1 in 76 are pretty good odds. 1.3% of eligible bachelors gives a girl plenty to choose from — the problem, of course, is getting them into one place to start picking.
I tried online dating for 1 month. It was exhausting. I also think it takes a day or so for the “matching” to actually start so hang in there.
This was actually very funny…hilarious… Dont worry, your one out of 76 just didnt happen to fill out his questionnaire yet!!!
why don’t the people who can’t find someone meet up with each other?
I for one have no faith left.
if anyone tells me that someone special is waiting out there for me, I’ll never talk to that person again.
I have spent my last 16 years looking for anyone that would like to spend time with me and have found no one. I’ve wasted my time on girls that had no interest in me and now I have a job where I will never find anyone because I am isolated basically.
wow.
haha, i just took the profile thing for kicks (after previously thinking that i’m only compatible with, at most, 10% of guys, though likely less), and what did it give me?
1/128
so <1% and only near misses in distant lands, no matches…
hahahaha… guess i better enjoy being alone!
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