I’m sure that the title of the post woke you up. Good. The title was actually to me. I just don’t want to do anything that would make me disappointed in myself. Does that make sense?
Yesterday, I attended the wedding of my parent’s two friends. It was a great time, although I spent most of the reception outside since it was stifling inside the fire hall. It was so gorgeous outside. It would take me a week’s worth of posts to describe how much I love this time of year.
After the reception, people were invited back to the happy couple’s house. My sister and I went for a couple of hours. We had some food and after eating I felt exhausted. I got home around 11:30 PM and showered and went to bed.
At 3:30 AM my ringing phone woke me up. I read the caller ID not quite believing my eyes. The Pilot?
I answer the phone. My heart was beating so hard that my whole body felt it. He sounded a bit drunk which is very odd. He’s never drunk. He never loses control. He hasn’t called me in months.
I ask him what’s going on and he says that has bad news for me. I can honestly say that I thought he was going to tell me he gave me an STD or something. What else could he be calling me for? Especially since I walked away from him the last time I saw him.
But, he doesn’t have an STD or anything like that. He called to tell me that he’s going to be stationed somewhere else and that he’s leaving in a few months. I asked him why he felt he had to tell me this at 3:30 AM today when we hadn’t spoken or been in touch in months. He said that he was thinking about me because it was would have been our 3 year anniversary today.
I totally forgot.
Does that mean I’m finally over him or does it mean that so much has happened in the past few months that I haven’t had time to really think about anniversary’s with exes?
I tell him that I appreciate his call, but I’m tired. He says to keep in touch. Yeah right. If I keep in touch I will be on my knees again, a little pathetic slave to him. I truly believe that he is like a drug to me. One taste and I’m hooked again.
I wish that there is an end to this story now. Maybe when he leaves, I can finally get over him. Or maybe I’ll meet someone who will fuck the memory of him out of me.
Seriously though, right now I don’t want a relationship with anyone. All I want is a regular fuck. Someone who will leave me alone all week and will come over on the weekends for some sex. I don’t want tenderness or love or promises. That kind of shit makes me feel tired and drained. I don’t want emails all week about how much you’re thinking about me. I just want a phone call saying what time to expect you.
Is that cold?
Anyhow, the phone call ended with me telling him goodbye for good. I told him that. Goodbye forever.
So, of course I couldn’t sleep after this. I’ve been tired all day sitting here in my pjs watching movies and trying not to think about anything involving the Pilot or love or the last time I had sex or the next time I’m going to have sex or………
Coquettishly is updated. Yes, I know it’s been months. Maybe if I was getting any, I would be more willing to write about sex. Or maybe if I write about sex, then the sex will come. Who knows?
Well they do say that the more you get laid, the more laid you’ll get. Or something like that. And just remembered I offered, but you shut me down. You mean I didn’t? Must have just been in my head. lol. Dodged bullet there, didn’t ya?
Effortlessly Average: I’m just not a forever kind of girl…too much pressure. And I’m a bit too jaded for a romantic. Think of it as me protecting you.
Well, I can respect that, but I don’t require protection. I need friends. I agree, “forever” isn’t what it should have been and frankly I’m not interested in the energy required to be romantic anymore. I do wish people would stop assuming that I’m either emotionally bankrupt or desperate to find a new “soulmate,” if such a thing exists. Yes, I have a pretty intense physical desire to be with a woman again. Hey, I’m male, right? heh. But I have zero desire to invest emotionally in one again. Again, people need to stop assuming that means I’m wounded and need saving. ugh.
All that aside, I was actually joking with my first comment there. But that doesn’t mean you can’t answer your email once in a while, or that I wouldn’t enjoy you being my tour guide in your area of the world should I make it there again. 😉
Effortlessly Average: Oh vey. I was teasing. Who was talking about you being emotionally bankrupt or desperate? You said what you said about the forever stuff, so that’s what I know. There’s no need to get defensive. Am I wrong to want to protect people’s feelings every now and then?
Yikes.
We all need friends and I’m a bit of a shitty one lately. You’re absolutely right about me not answering my email. I’ve been a lazy ass about that and more people should call me out on it. Lately, I’ve been the “I keep meaning to do that” girl. It’s a pathetic excuse.
glad you have moved on..you are too strong a person to deal with this. adios to the pilot.
Wow the pilot!
I am glad you walked away from the toxic person that he is.
I totally understand the need for the FWB or something like that. It used to keep me sane at times when I was single.
Debbie: What Christina said.
I think forgetting your anniversary is a combination of being over him and being too busy to think about it. Either way, I think it’s GREAT!
I just had my marriage and coincidentally my divorce anniversary on 9/13/08. My boyfriend was at my house that weekend and I not once thought about that day. Actually, I didn’t even remember until the following Tuesday when an acquaintance I hadn’t spoken to in a while asked me if my divorce was final. I felt so happy that that day had come and gone and it wasn’t even thought about for me. It was like victory, really.
You had a victory too buy not remembering or thinking about it. Don’t let him take that away from you. You obviously know what’s best for you when it comes to him, so fuck him and his pitiful ass calling you wee hours in the morning!!
Oops. I should’ve proofread before I clicked submit. The first sentence, 2nd paragraph should have the word “by” and not “buy” in it. I’m an idiot. Sorry.
“Lately, I’ve been the “I keep meaning to do that” girl. It’s a pathetic excuse.”
Word. That’s been me for a year or two now. I’ve lost about half my friends over that time, and I’ll probably lose more. I know this, I can clearly see what the problem is and that I just need to put forth some effort … and yet I still don’t. It’s getting harder and harder to give a fuck about anything.
I remember that the last time you were in this headspace you met that religious nut so better hunting this time!
It’s so weird how many people I know of have had old flames popping out of nowhere, myself included. I hope you finally find some closure in this and I”m sure with the closure good things will come. You can feel free. I’ll have to check out the other blog when I’m not at work later. 😛
Oh Debbie I honestly think that you forgetting that “anniversary” is a good thing, a sign that you are not dwelling in the past but instead, moving forward. He wasn’t good for you.
And I also think that a FWB is just what you need, forget all that goopy love stuff, if and when you are ready for love again you will know it and in the meantime, sex is good for the soul so if you have a friend handy, grab him!
Here’s to you gettin’ the shit fucked out of you. Cheers.
I think only good can come from the physical distance that will happen between you two.
Anniversaries with exes? Holy fuck, it took me a week to remember my last ex’s NAME! This dude needs to take the fucking hint and fly away.
I will agree that this is the ass-kickingest time of year. It was so nice today that when I got back from grocery shopping, I raked the leaves in the front yard of the house where I now live. 🙂
I haven’t raked leaves in years. I wish I could have burned them. I miss that smell.
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