The End

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The End

October 24, 2008 by Debbie

Dear Readers and Friends,

Today is the 3 year anniversary of this blog.

Today is also the end of this blog.

After spending a few weeks thinking really really hard, I’ve determined that I need a break from lots of things. And some things I just need to let go of, like this blog.

I’ve had a rough year.

Let’s see…found out my favorite and dearest aunt who was only 50 years old had stage 4 lung cancer, my sister got a staph infection on her mitral valve from using a dirty needle to shoot up heroine and ended up having open heart surgery, my other sister had a baby addicted to methadone and child protective services was called resulting in my father having custody of baby, my favorite and dearest aunt died leaving a hole in my heart, and then my neighbor and very close friend killed herself and her two cats with a gun leaving my heart a gaping empty cavern.

And I’m done.

I can’t share how I’m feeling or my life anymore. With anyone. Not right now.

I don’t feel like I know myself. I don’t recognize the woman I see in the mirror. I’m tired all of the time…all of the time.

And I’ve been hiding.

What I’m starting to understand is that I haven’t dealt with what’s happened in a way that facilitates moving on. I have been just chugging ahead, not looking behind me and that’s not healthy. Ghosts are everywhere and they love sneaking up on you. My soul is a haunted graveyard at the moment.

So, I’m dealing with my grief. I miss my aunt so much that I cry just thinking about her. And I think about her everyday. I miss my neighbor. Her absence is deafening. Her empty hollow house screams at me each time I walk in and out of my door. I’m sad.

I want to thank each and every person who has read this blog. I sincerely appreciate all of you. I wish you all the best.

I feel like I’m breaking up with you all. It sort of is like that, I guess.

I didn’t think I’d cry and yet here I am, crying my eyes out. It’s hard to say goodbye to something I loved. I felt like I was talking to her, Fresh Air Lover, when I wrote on these pages. She was a good friend.

I’ll keep this blog up for a while if you want to read any of the old stuff. But, eventually she’s going away. The end is the end.

Best wishes and lots of love,
Debbie

Posted in Uncategorized | 39 Comments

39 Responses

on October 24, 2008 at 1:41 pm | Reply March

sad to see you go but understand the reasons…i am on facebook so maybe i’ll look you up there.

wishing you the best.
on October 24, 2008 at 2:30 pm | Reply Christina

I am so sad to see you go but, I know why you have to go

My wish for you is that you find the peace that you are looking for and the good things that are out there for you.

I am sending you a huge hug and I am here if you need anything.

Much love!
on October 24, 2008 at 2:59 pm | Reply peach

you’re a beautiful girl and your words are lovely, I hope you find some peace and some happiness soon, you have stacks coming your way, you are so overdue… please stay in touch and if you ever need anywhere to stay in london, please please let me know, you’d be very welcome.

and please write that book, those books, please…

XXX
on October 24, 2008 at 4:25 pm | Reply Tracy

You have no idea who I am, but I’ll miss hearing about your life, how you are, and what you think and feel. Take care of you…
on October 24, 2008 at 5:03 pm | Reply scala

You owe it to yourself to face some of those ghosts, as they do tend to sneak up. Best of luck with everything, I look forward to seeing your books in print. You will be well; and know that your voice here will be missed.
on October 24, 2008 at 6:57 pm | Reply princepessa

You are truly going to be missed, Debbie.

I wish you weren’t closing down this blog… but, I understand the reasons why you are doing so.

And I doubt very much that anyone could possibly blame you.

But still… you are going to be missed.

Take care of you, hon. And be happy.

XOXO
on October 24, 2008 at 7:07 pm | Reply Paige Jennifer

(sigh) Understood but still makes me kinda cranky. Like when I was told it was no longer acceptable to keep my baby blanket near or that the tooth fairy was really my dad.

I’m sorry you’ve been having such a lousy run of things and just know that all of your readers, as much as we adore you, support you in your decision.

Best of luck with the things that come, all of which are hopefully easier than recent events.

xoxop
on October 24, 2008 at 8:08 pm | Reply RR

You’ll never know how much you have changed my life…your honesty and sensitive soul is amazing… We’ll miss you !! Take care of yourself and I’m so sorry for you losses of late..
on October 24, 2008 at 9:53 pm | Reply lizzle

As a person who knows a thing or two about a bad run of luck, I think it’s safe to say that we commend you for allowing us to be a part of your world, in the good times, and in the recent bad times. It has been an honor to share the ride with you, and I hope that one day soon things will turn around and you will find the joy again.

Your absence will be deeply felt by all of us who knew and loved you for your heartfelt, sincere writing, your honesty, your compassion for the plight of others, (even when you deserved compassion which life has so sparingly dealt you,) your beautiful heart, and of course your sharp wit.

Best of luck in all that you do, starting with finding the good in the days ahead.
on October 24, 2008 at 10:31 pm | Reply Bonnie

Debbie,

Wow. Just wow. Please do what you know to be right.

But if you ever change your mind, we’ll be here.

Write me anytime.

Hugs,
Bonnie
on October 25, 2008 at 12:40 pm | Reply Bush Babee

You’ll be missed.
on October 25, 2008 at 3:15 pm | Reply ShadowDog

I agree with Bush. Very much missed. Much love, affection, and well wishes from me to you. I hope you find what you need somewhere.
on October 25, 2008 at 9:34 pm | Reply Holly

I will miss reading you. Good luck to you!!
on October 26, 2008 at 6:48 pm | Reply ganching

I’m sorry to see you go but you need to do whatever is right for you.
on October 26, 2008 at 10:30 pm | Reply Tense Teacher

God bless you, hon, and I hope you’re able to find healing for yourself very soon.

You’ll be missed.
on October 27, 2008 at 10:22 am | Reply Jer

Best to you, Debbie. Sometimes we all need a break from life in general to sort things out. Perhaps we’ll see you back some day!
on October 27, 2008 at 10:35 pm | Reply RJ

Take Care of yourself Debbie xox
on October 27, 2008 at 11:46 pm | Reply renewedrockies

Love you girl. Take care of you and call me anytime you need an ear. Or anytime you don’t need an ear and just want to chat.

Did I mention? Love you!

xoxo
on October 28, 2008 at 9:53 am | Reply Joey Porter's Pit Bulls

Debbie, I am so sad to read that you’ve decided to end Fresh Air Lover. I understand, but I’m still sad. I will miss reading your unique insights, fresh perspective, intimate thoughts and uncanny way with words. I feel like I am losing a friend. And, like you, I have had an awful year, having lost too many people (family, friends and my beloved dog) already.

Good luck, best wishes — and please know that you will missed greatly and with fondness. You are a wonderful person — kind, witty, empathetic, funny and insightful. Take care, get well and stay well.
on October 28, 2008 at 4:14 pm | Reply M.

So sad to see you go, but more so to see you sad. We have all been able to read what sufferings you had to cope with lately. It also showed us how caring, good spirited and beautiful you are. Take care, girl. A hug from Holland. M.
on October 28, 2008 at 9:08 pm | Reply B.

I’ll miss you, too! It’s so weird how you can miss someone you’ve never met. 🙂
on October 29, 2008 at 10:58 am | Reply hdw

You’ve got my numbers and email, and I do hope you’ll stay in touch. I’d miss not hearing from you. Love you, honey!
on October 29, 2008 at 5:15 pm | Reply Katrina

Sorry to see you go, add me to the list of people who’ll miss you.

Give all the kitties lots and lots of hugs and kisses. That always seems to help me.

Take care.
on October 30, 2008 at 6:24 pm | Reply April

I’m so sorry you’re going through such a rough time. The saying when it rains, it pours, always seems so damn true, ya know? I wish it weren’t that way because sometimes it seems like way too much to handle. But I believe, from what I’ve read about you, that you’re strong at heart and you will overcome this. Stay strong and know that we’re all thinking about you and wishing you peace and happiness. After all, you deserve it!

Take care!
on October 30, 2008 at 10:35 pm | Reply Lex

You’ll be missed for sure! I enjoyed reading you and I wish you the best in your journey.

Namaste.
on October 31, 2008 at 9:58 am | Reply Weekends Off

You will be missed. I wish you nothing but happiness in all that you do in the future. Keep in touch!
weekendsoff@gmail.com
on November 1, 2008 at 12:55 am | Reply coyotemike

I’m sorry I’m late on this, Debbie-my-love, but I can understand the need.

Be well, dear, and know that you’re in my heart.
on November 1, 2008 at 7:44 pm | Reply Katrice

I hate to see it end, but I’m glad you’ll do what’s healthiest for you. I considered the same thing just last week myself, but decided to keep going… but on my own terms.

Please take care of yourself, and still stop by our blogs and say hi from time to time.

Maybe all the East Coast bloggers will get to meet someday.

Take care…
on November 23, 2008 at 2:47 am | Reply Judy

It’s hard to believe that I missed your farewell and entire month ago! My home PC has been out of commission and I haven’t been able to ‘stop by’ while at work. I will very much miss reading your posts, Debbie. I hope that things turn around and that you will do all that you can to make it through the unbearable moments.

Thank you for sharing all that you have over the last three years.
on December 25, 2008 at 11:42 am | Reply Stiletto

Debbie, you definitely need time to work on your heart and heal. Perhaps you’ll be back, or maybe not, either way, best of luck with life and the holidays.
on January 2, 2009 at 2:08 am | Reply dirkmancuso

Debbie,

I hope that time is helping you work through the grieving process and that you have ben able to find some happiness despite the painful things you are going through.

If you ever decide to return to blogging you have an audience who’s willing to listen.

Take care of yourself and best of luck in everything.

Big hugs,

– Dirk
on April 4, 2009 at 8:41 pm | Reply emilymac aka ramblinrose

misssing you!! I hope you are okay and you comeback one day!!
on May 22, 2009 at 5:49 pm | Reply Gavrilin

Пора переименовать блог, присвоив название связанное с доменами 🙂 может хватит про них?
on May 25, 2009 at 1:48 am | Reply Ferinannnd

Мне кажется очень хорошо
on May 25, 2009 at 8:16 pm | Reply Joy

You are missed
on June 18, 2009 at 10:55 am | Reply Terinw

You are missed greatly! I hope your hiatus has given you the rest you need to rejuvenate. Healing always happens on its own schedule, hope you have found the happiness you are looking for!

Take care!
on June 24, 2009 at 12:17 am | Reply Brian

Hi Debbie,

I love the blog. Sorry you’re not updating anymore.

Could you send me your email address?

Thanks,
Brian
on January 27, 2010 at 10:35 pm | Reply Michelle

Hello if you ever look at the comments 🙂

You are missed.

Hope some healing has occured.

Much love & light to all here.
Michelle
on February 12, 2014 at 4:15 am | Reply tmyers4096

Sorry to be coming so late to this blog – laughed out loud at some of your posts, I came here searching about Valentine’s Day aphrodisiacs – loved all the research you did on that! You’re talented, I hope to get access to your other blogs, if you are still blogging. All the best.