Archive for the ‘Presents for me’ Category

…I’m at home in my jammies watching Harry Potter movies. I know I know, you’re like “holy shit, Debbie leads an exciting and sexy life” and please, don’t be jealous. You too can drink tea in gaucho pants and fuzzy socks. You too can watch Harry Potter movies 1-5, only taking a break to do a Bhangra dance workout. You too can jump in surprise and excitement when the ringing phone breaks the monotony, only to have your stomach drop in disappointment as it’s not someone vaguely interested in how you’re doing…but alas, a telemarketer.

It’s called having no life and it’s free to everyone.

It’s fucking cold today. I love it, but I would have like to run today and it was just too damn cold.

I did go out to dinner last night with my mom and stepdad. We went to a seafood restaurant and it was heaven. I chucked my diet out for the dinner and ate whatever I wanted. The table next to us was celebrating their friend’s 50th birthday and when I got a good look at the woman, she looked 70. My mom is 53 and the woman looked like she could be her mother. People need to start taking care of themselves a bit more.

I lost 7 lbs this week. Yes, I was shocked too. I suppose eating only 1,000 calories a day works. And working out. I’ll keep you all updated on my progress. I’m only doing this 1,000 calorie a day crap for 4 more weeks.

I’ve also been doing very well being a vegetarian. I’m trying to eat a balanced and varied amount of food. I found an amazing produce spot at the Reading Terminal Market. They have everything. Seriously. I got a package of shitake mushrooms for $1.68. I almost peed myself I was so excited. I love that I can go there during my lunch hour and get the things I need for dinner. Convenient, cheap, and fresh. I’m about to pee with excitement again.

Yes, I get that excited over food.

And I want to say thank you to HDW for my awesome gift. I can’t wait to read it, as I heard great reviews saying it’s hilarious and quite well written. I read his first book, The Know It All, and enjoyed it immensely.

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It’s a rare moment when a book completely destroys me in every way possible. As I read this story there were parts that I had trouble breathing through. Throughout most of the book, I hated the protagonist and narrator, Amir. I had trouble forgiving him for his choices, actions, and more importantly, his inaction. Especially for that one tragic day when he won the kite tournament. And Hassan. I loved Hassan from the first. I just couldn’t get over him. And then, well…I’m not going to give it away in case there are some who haven’t read the book…but Hassan has haunted me. Even now, three days after I have finished the book and am trying everything I can think of to put the things I read about out of my head, the things I knew happened in the world but conveniently put in the back of my mind because I live in my nice warm place with all of the comforts money can buy and because I have never had to experience war or oppression or poverty or violence or prejudice.

I don’t do well with violence. I know that there are people out there who are sadistic and sociopaths and sick. I’d rather forget these people exist. I suppose that once you are a victim of violence, even if it’s for a few hours one night a long time ago, you have a difficult time hearing about that violence being forced upon others. I suppose it’s because you know that it’s not the act that one needs to get over, but it’s the emotions…hurt and confusion and blame and guilt and helplessness and embarrassment and shame and fear…that comes after.

I did learn one thing about myself after reading this book. I know, deep in my deepest parts, that I would have no problem killing people like Assef and his cronies. Absolutely no problem, no conscience, no fear, no nothing. I would spit on his dead body after I was done. I spit on him now.

All these emotions from a fiction book that is so well-written and stark and beautiful that I’m ashamed it took me so long to sit down and read it. Thank you, Peach, for sending it to me. As much as I cried and was horrified, I find that the book contained everything I look for in literature…I was moved.

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I want to thank one particular reader for this lovely gift. I’ve been wanting to read this book forever and now I can. I’m digging in today. Thank you so much. I’m really touched.

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I just got home from my company’s Holiday Party and I’m officially wiped. I’ve been so busy, both at work and at home, that I feel like I’m wired. I haven’t been feeling very well for most of the week. I thought I was feeling better today, but it was a false hope. I started feeling like poop about an hour ago and now I’m ready to go to sleep until Monday morning.

Another Holiday Party passes without me winning any prizes. I’ve never won anything at any of our parties. It sucks. There were some sweet gift cards being won. $500 to Best Buy. Nice, huh?

I’m going to bed now, but first I wanted to direct a few of you who emailed me about Christmas to my Amazon Wishlist. Yes, I’m pimping the wishlist. Anyhow, some sweethearts (yes, more than one person) asked me how they could get a gift to me (and I’m too tired and lazy to email them all individually right now). The Amazon Wishlist is how. You don’t need my address. Everything on there is exactly what I want. Go wild.

That being said, I want to make it known that I don’t expect anyone to buy me a gift. There I said it. But honestly, who doesn’t love gifts.

I think I’m rambling now. It’s the Nyquil and the headache and the sore throat and the aches and the….. Did I mention I was also brain dead. Yeah, my mind is mush. And I’m still rambling. Goodnight.

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Wow. This is the first time I’ve turned my computer on since Thursday. It was awesome.

My Thanksgiving was wonderful. How was everyone else’s? Did you eat too much? I did. I need a sugar detox and some cardio. Seriously.

Wednesday, I went to my mother’s house directly after work to help her chop and prepare some of the meal for Thursday. I then went home and made an apple pie from scratch. Yeah, that’s right. A double crust apple pie from scratch.

I went to bed early that night because I was fucking exhausted. Work was really busy and I felt like I was a lightbulb left on too long. I was close to going out. I was getting tired just thinking about Thanksgiving Day.

I got to my mom’s and help her a bit. She had everything pretty much under control, so there wasn’t much going on. My sister and my baby nephew arrived about 2 hours after I did. God, he is gorgeous. He came in the house with a giant smile on his face. We played.

My dad called me and I actually picked up the phone. He wished me a happy Thanksgiving and then asked me why I wasn’t returning his phone calls. He’s only called me three times since June. Yeah, that’s love huh. Anyhow, I told him I was mad at him and he asked me why. Now, anyone reading this blog who knows the situation knows why I’m angry with him. I’m sure he’s read why I’m angry with him. I’ve told him why I’m angry with him and yet…duh. So, I reminded him and he started his shit about how I can’t write whatever I want to on this blog. I told him I was going to hang up if he continued with this crap. It really fucking irritates me.

Dinner was delicious. The conversation was good and everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves. The pie was fucking amazing, if I can say so. The apples melted in your mouth. Yum.

I got home stuffed and exhausted. Just like one should on Thanksgiving Day.

I got up on Friday at 4 AM to go to Target. I wanted some electronic picture frames, a DVD player, and a vacuum cleaner. I got there are 4:30 AM and there was already a huge line. By the time they let us into the store, the line was around the shopping center. But, I got everything I needed. I was home by 6:30 AM with my loot.

Needless to say that I went back to sleep. I watched movies all day and chilled.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving is when my mom and I hit the stores for Xmas shopping. I spent 5 hours with her and I’m almost finished my shopping. All I have to get is presents for the kids and presents for my friends, both internet and real-life friends. Although, I think of my internet friends and real-life friends but you know what I mean.

I think this is a good time to point out my Amazon wishlist there on the sidebar. I love presents.

After the marathon shopping, I came home and collapsed. I didn’t get up until the evening when I made a chocolate cake that I cannot stop eating. It might be the best chocolate cake I’ve ever had in my life. I made it from scratch and will post the recipe sometime this week. But, the thing is…I’m just picking at the cake all of the time. I have a fork and I keep picking. Everytime I go into the kitchen. I gave some to my neighbors, but I still keep picking. You can see the evidence below…
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And that’s all. I haven’t done a fucking thing since. Except if you count eating cake.

Stay tuned this week for some exciting news and usual banter.

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Who’s a silly nilly?

Me. I’m in a goofy mood. I felt like I hadn’t laughed in ages. And then the dam broke…I got the giggles.

First off, here are some pictures of my birthday prizes.

My mom and stepdad got me the Tori Amos box set I’ve been wanting.

Something I’ve been wanting to read.

This has many recipes for my foxy mixer. I’ll be a baking fool.

The now infamous “I lost one” earrings.

A book I’ve been wanting to read for a long time.

Earrings from my gay boyfriend, Tim.

I want to thank those of you who sent me gifts. You have no idea how much I appreciate these treasures. You all are too generous. To the people who sent me cards, thank you so much. They meant so much. I love you all.

Now onto other things…..

I’m kind of pissed off at my sister. Let me rephrase that, I’m livid with my sister. Her retarded doctor told her that she could go home on Friday for a week if she promised to do nothing but lay in bed. Instead of being smart and opting to stay in the hospital, she’s going home. To her asshole annoying demanding husband, her 7 year old stepson, her 80 pound dog…..I swear she always has the need to be a hero. I don’t believe that she will stay in bed. She has no sense. She won’t listen to my mother. My sister is behaving like an asshole.

I had the following conversation with the little girl, Ashley, I read to every Wednesday:

Ashley: “What’s wrong with your eyes?”
Me: “I don’t know. What’s wrong with them?”
Ashley: “They’re yellow.”
Me: “Oh, well that’s my eye color. It’s called hazel and sometimes my eyes are green and sometimes my eyes are gold.”
Ashley: “They look like evil eyes. The devil has those eyes.”
Me: “Well, I’m not the devil or evil.”
Ashley: “Are you sure? They are really yellow.”
Me: “Do you like me, Ashley?”
Ashley: “Yes, you’re nice.”
Me: “Would an evil person be nice?”
Ashley: “No, I don’t think so.”
Me: “Shall we read now?”

First time in my life someone has said my eyes looked evil. I know I have weird colored eyes. I know that I wear dark eye makeup that sets the color off. I know that depending on my mood they can look very light, almost clear….so I suppose a 7 year old my think they look evil.

What do you all think? Evil?

My eye looks red and irritated in that picture. I suppose an extreme closeup with a bad camera can do that to a gorgeous eye like mine.

In others news, I have to bite it and join a gym. I like exercising outdoors and since the weather has turned colder and it’s still getting dark early…..I’m finding it difficult to go outside. And I’ve tried to do some of the workouts on Fit TV, but I hate them. So, I have to get to the gym. Because I’m not getting younger and I need to save it before it goes to shit. I like to eat too much to diet.

Want to hear a story from the last time I was at the gym? Okay, I’ll tell you. I was running on the treadmill and there was a guy running next me. He had those short runner’s shorts on. Anyhow, I’m jogging along when I hear him fart. LOUD. And then he yells, “Oh no” and hurries off of the treadmill towards the men’s locker rooms leaving a trail of watery poo behind him. I swear on all that I love that this is the truth. I halted the treadmill and after getting over my disgust, the giggles started and well….didn’t stop. I had to sit down on the treadmill because my stomach hurt. The woman who worked the desk made the guy clean up his own shit, which made me laugh even harder. I, then, had to run to the bathroom because I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Luckily, I made it.

Maybe the gym will be fun. Lots of potential stories and hijinks.

What else can I talk about? Let’s stay with the poo theme, if there is one, and talk about how I chased Stella Marie around my apartment the other night with a pair of scissors and a baby wipe because she had a big turd hanging from her tail. She wouldn’t stay still and kept fighting me when I tried to cut it out. I ended up pinning her down and holding the end of the poo with the baby wipe and, with ninja speed, cut the poo out. It wasn’t easy and I got some poo on my hands, but I got the poo off of her tail. Yay me!

More? You want more? Oh, I’ll give you more. Ready. Here I go.


I’ve got nothing.

Oh wait. Hang on.

I forgot to tell you all something. I saw the Pilot out on a date. Yeah. That wasn’t supposed to hurt. Aren’t emotions weird? I don’t want him, but I didn’t want to see him with someone else. Especially when I don’t have anybody. It made me sad and pissy.

I need to get laid, ya think?

Okay, I’m really finished now. See y’all later.

THURSDAY MORNING UPDATE: Guess what? I’ve having a rough morning. My panties keep falling down. I just now had to stick my hand down my pants and pull them up. I don’t recall have this kind of problem with these panties before, but this is annoying. Oh, do you want to know what my outfit is today? Okay. I’m wearing an ill-fitting heavy black sweater with two shirts under it, baggy pants, and a pair of jeweled slippers that I keep under my desk. Wanna see the slippers? Here they are.

Are they in style? No. Are they pretty? Nope. Do they match my outfit? Not a chance. Do I give a shit? No way. They’re comfortable.

Alright, that’s enough from me. Back to work I go. Fuck yeah!

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Thanks for the well wishes. The migraine is extinguished.

Ready for my holiday story? It’s a fun one. But before that, here are some pictures of my sister and my nephew, Rylee.

Rylee at karate.

My sister, Rylee, and Max the dog.

My sister’s belly.

I last spoke with you all at length on Saturday. I ended up doing a hip-hop aerobic class on Fit TV and then showered and started on the drinking. Around 11 PM, I answer my ringing phone and it’s my sister. She’s hysterically crying. Her husband, I’ve told you all he’s a bit of a bastard in this post, freaked out an hour after I left and started screaming at her and throwing her things away. Remember, Friday night she was bleeding and I took her to hospital where she was told to relax and rest. She tells me that as he’s throwing everything out he’s telling her that she’s lazy and doesn’t know how to clean (she’s not supposed to be cleaning). And then she tells me he said the following statement, which makes me mental. Ready for it? Sit down first. Okay, here it is. He told her that if something happens to the baby he’s going to sue her. That he doesn’t give a shit if she dies, but that baby better come out healthy.


When I regain my composure, I tell her I’m on my way to get her and to hurt him permanently. She tells me that she’s fine, she’s locked herself in her bedroom. She then tells me that my dad had called whilst they were in the middle of the argument and that the bastard told my dad that he (the bastard) was being a dick and asked my dad what he was going to do about it. Un-fucking-believable. I tell my sister that I must go for a minute and that I’ll call her back.

I call my dad because I figure he’s on his way to her house ready to beat the every-loving shit out of the bastard. To my surprise though, he’s watching a movie on the couch. What? So, I ask him quite meanly why in the name of all that’s holy he isn’t in his truck on his way to save my sister. He says that he spoke with the bastard and that he had a little episode. You girls worry too much, is what he said to me. I could have kicked him in his balls.

I call my sister back and the bastard answers the phone. I tell him I want to speak with my sister and he starts giving me a bunch of shit. He says that I need to calm down because he was just letting go of some steam. I say the following, “Motherfucker, I don’t care what you were just doing. I told you to put my sister on the phone and if you don’t I’m calling the Lancaster police department and they can see what the fuck is going on up there, how’s that?” I hear the word bitch before the phone is picked up by my sister. We talked a bit and when I felt calmer I hung up. I’m still worried for her, but I know that she’s going to have company all week. My mother and stepdad when up today to see her and I believe my mom is going to tear the bastard a new asshole.

Sunday (Christmas Eve) morning, I got up early to make gravy for the lasagna and to make two batches of spinach artichoke dip. After the cooking, I got myself ready and went to my dad’s house to celebrate the holiday. As I was unloading all of the presents out of my car, I got injured. It was really windy and the car door swung closed and hit me hard in my arm causing a real nice bruise. See the picture below.

Nice, huh?

I had a great night. I got totally surprised by my dad and his girlfriend, as they got me a professional grade standing mixer. I love kitchen gadgets and have been asking for this mixer for about 6 years knowing that no one would buy it for me because it’s very expensive. I got all of the attachments; the meat grinder, the pasta maker, and the ice cream maker. I actually cried. It was just so nice. I never get gifts like that. I also got some books and a pretty lamp for my bedroom. The day was great, except I wished my sister could have been there.

My little sisters (the twins) look great. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned how they fought and beat a drug problem, but they have. I’m so proud of them. They’ve been through a lot. They are themselves again and look amazing. They were fun to be around and I hope that they stay healthy.

My new mixer.

I talked to my sister after I got home from my dad’s and she said that the bastard’s mother got there and got a hold of the bastard and let him know that he needs to learn how to treat his wife. I felt better knowing she wasn’t there alone with him.

Christmas morning, I got myself up to visit my ex sister-in-law (from now on I will call her my soul sister or SS) and my niece and nephew. You see, I really couldn’t care less about my step-brother (her ex-husband) as he’s a first class motherfucker. Trust me on this. I’ve spoken of some of his antics before. Anyhow, I pull up to her house and I see my brother’s truck in the driveway. I knew he was going to be there when the kids got up, but I didn’t expect him to still be there. I called my mom to see if they were on their way and she informs me that she and my stepdad are circling the block until my brother leaves. Apparently, he called my stepdad the night before and cussed him out about going over to SS’s house and told him to go fuck himself. He also said some horrible things about my mother. My brother feels that because he’s divorced from SS that we shouldn’t consider her family anymore. She’s been in our lives over 15 years and he cheated on her, mentally and physically abused her, and lied to everyone in his family. Oh, and did I mention she’s one of the best people I’ve ever met in my life. She’s all goodness.

So, I tell my mom I don’t care if my brother gets pissed that I’m there (but really, he doesn’t care about me at all so why would he care about if I was there) and I hang up and go up to the door. He’s coming out as I’m walking up and I say in my ‘Debbie is a bitch voice’ MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! and he doesn’t even look at me. Good, I think.

I go in and have an absolutely wonderful time with the two stinkies (aka Morgan and Connor, my niece and nephew). They are just lovely. Morgan got a microphone stand and thought she was a star, which she is. At some point, she put every scarf she and her mother had on her microphone stand and we started calling her Steven Tyler. Hilarious. I stayed for a few hours and then had to leave to assemble my lasagna.

I got to my mom’s and my stepsister’s were already there. They were pleasant enough. My one stepsister still looks like she’s 50 years old (she’s 33) and anorexic, but I did see her eat something so that’s good. My stepbrother didn’t show up with the kids. He didn’t call. Nothing. The gifts just sat under the tree and my mom and stepdad kept looking at them. You could see how hurt they were. My stepdad said he may forgive my stepbrother for doing this, but he would never forget this day. I was sad for them. I want to remove my brother’s balls from his body with my bare hands. I think I could do it.

Anyhow, bad news and drama aside I had a lovely time. I got a new microwave, which I really needed. I also got a beautiful red purse, a pair of foxy fuckme high-heel knee-high boots, and lots of clothes. I also got lots of books, which I really wanted. Of course, even though I told everyone in my family to go by my wishlist on Amazon (to the right–hee hee) nobody did got me anything from there. Well, except two friends from the blog world and I thank you with all of my heart for those.

Yesterday, I had the day off from work and I rearranged my kitchen. I have so much counter space now because my new microwave is a lot smaller than my old one and it looks so clean and organized. I LOVE that. I’m such a neat freak. I then went to Target to spend my gift certificates.

See how big my old microwave was?

Well, that’s all I have right now. This post is very long and I hope you haven’t fallen asleep reading it. I have some cool ideas for the new year and I have some special posts coming up the next couple of days, so please stick with me.

Stella, because she’s a pretty kitty.

Okay, I have one request before I leave. If you can be so kind, please offer me some topics to cover for Coquettishly. If you want to be anonymous, please email me. You don’t have to ask a question or anything like that, just let me know what topic would make a good post. I really appreciate it.

Have a nice night.

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It’s a tea time!

I’d like to thank HotDrWife for sending me this wonderful gift. I love it. Here are some pictures. The tea is delicious.

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